I had the right to remain silent. But I declined.
I’m Samara. I started this blog because I don’t quite fit in anywhere – I’m “A Buick in the Land of Lexus.” I’m originally from New York city, but now I live in suburban New Jersey. I’m not sure how I got here, but it’s a good place to raise a kid – Little Dude, my 12 year old. He’s the coolest kid around.
I was a wild child back in the 90’s. I had a couple of very shady jobs- like when I worked as a phone girl in a whore house, or in a Wall Street strip club. I got into lots of trouble and I hung out with all the wrong people. What, you mean you were never a part of a cult?
Now that I’m a suburban mom, I try not to get involved with too much mayhem – although I did once murder a dance mom. And the PTO moms can suck it.
I’m originally from the projects, so there’s always a bit of that in me. I’ve had some amazing opportunities, which I’ve managed to blow exquisitely – like when I was part of the Lollapalooza tour in 1994 but who knows? Maybe I’ll still get to fuck up up my life a few more times.
Writing is how I breathe.
It’s my favorite coping mechanism, and how I explore some of the darker things I’ve experienced. I almost got trampled to death on when the World Trade Towers collapsed on Sept 11. I’ve survived drug addiction, and sexual assault.
I’ve been Freshly Pressed 6 times, and featured on the Word Press “Discover” page once.
Two of those stories were about education, which I’m passionate about. I think we need to tear down our education system and start all over. The latest story I wrote about high school illiteracy was the story on WP’s “Discover” feature.
My first FP’d story was about my family’s history of mental illness. I also wrote about struggling with my kid’s special needs.
I was Freshly Pressed for my story about drug addiction, which went viral.
I wrote a story for The Sisterwives Blog, which I founded, about escaping from my abusive marriage, and that was FP’d.
On the lighter side, I was FP’d for a rant about writer’s block and Charles Bukowski.
I’m a single mom, and my kid is one of my favorite things to write about. Although when I wrote about getting arrested for disciplining my child, that post went viral and for a few days, I was The Worst Mother on the Internet. Going viral is an intense experience.
My kid is hilarious, and usually foremost on my mind – even when he’s not around. Or even when he’s practicing his sax, which sounds like someone is shitting out farm equipment. I’m trying to raise him to be strong and independent – but I’m sure I’m screwing THAT up. I’ll let you know in 10 years.
I TRY TO BE FUNNY
You know what? I’ve found that only the truth is funny. Yes, I really DID have a dying dog over for Thanksgiving – and although I didn’t actually book an African safari for Little Dude’s bar mitzvah, I considered it.
Life is hard – for everyone. I don’t care what your circumstances are. So, I try to laugh and make people laugh.
I can be potty mouthed and inappropriate, but I’m not going to quit my day job to write erotica anytime soon.
If you’re a child of the 80’s, then you’ll understand why I paid homage to John Hughes teen movies. Or why I feel as old as fuck. And why the rock and role life style doesn’t mesh well with being a mom. No week-long drinking and drugging rock festivals for me.
So I kicked out a few spoken word pieces and uploaded them to sound cloud. One is about growing up white in an all-black housing project. The other is about blow jobs because – why not?
Yeah, yeah – so I write about sex. Doesn’t everybody?
Once upon a time, I wrote about a woman’s right to use the words “slut and whore” – and the name of the post was “A Slut, A Whore, A Blogger, A Mom.”
From that day on, the number one search term for my blog, every day, is “Slut Mom,” thanks to the degenerates on the Internet. I finally embraced it and wrote the Slut Mom Blog. After all, someone once referred to me as a “Punk Rock MILF.” Even my own gynecologist recommended the use of dildos.
I wrote about how to save your marriage with oral sex, even thought I’m not a huge fan of marriage. I wouldn’t even marry another woman, although, God help me – I do sometimes fall in love with women.
These days, as a single mom, outside of the occasional creepy dick pic I receive online, there’s not a whole lot of shaboinking going over here.
I left Facebook for a month, and that was an intense experience. Facebook is just another form of addiction. I did end up on Instagram, and immediately starting having crushes there.
Speaking of social media, if you are so inclined, you can find me on Facebook (yep, I went back on), Instagram, and Twitter. Come and find me there so I can have friends without leaving the house.
I just got done reading your birthday mix-tape, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I’m looking forward to diving head first into your blog and getting to know you better, hope you have a fantabulous birthday 🙂
I keep reading about Samara this and Samara that. Praise, praise, praise. So I thought I’d pop over to see what all the rave is about. Now I get it! It’s about great writing. Can’t wait to read more. I saw one of your comments about your son having sensory issues. Mine too. He’s been an amazing puzzle to figure out; and these days I’m learning more about his gifts. My now 12 year old has SPD (sensory processing disorder), ADHD, dyslexia, and anxiety, and he’s been a real rock star lately.
Well, look at that, I’m the first one to comment! That makes me nervous… I could mess that one up… Anyway: Hi! Glad I came over from Discover, where I found your post. Well done on all your freshly pressed posts and on the new thingy one. Maybe they’d call it discovered??? Who know. I’m glad I came over and will visit you again for sure. Love the style of your writing.
Don’t make it too professional, the rawness is what has made me a fan!!
Hi Samara! 🙂 It was great to officially “meet” you yesterday! I’ve nominated you for One Lovely Blog award, but it is just for fun, so don’t feel pressured to do it if you don’t want to. http://newcrunchymom.com/2015/12/05/one-lovely-blog-award/ I’ll see you around! ❤
I absolutely love your blog! So glad that I stumbled upon it!
Yay! Thank you, and I’m glad you did, too. xoxo
hey samara – i like your real world words and unabashed honesty. thanks for reading and following mine and i look forward to reading more of yours – best, beth
O M G!!! I am dying laughing! I already love you and I only read this about page! You’re a very funny girl~LOVE THIS!!!
wow, thanks for reading, Lisa!
I hope you enjoy the rest of the blog xoxoxo
Of Course Samara 🙂 I plan on reading it all! xoxoxo I love Michael, he’s a riot!!! So glad we connected!
I am so sorry you ever got preyed upon by that online narcissist.
Talentless narcissists in desperate, unhappy marriages look for people like you. I hope you will continue to prevail in the writing world, and share your story in a book.
Thank you so much.
And my book looks like it will be a bestseller!
Thought I had an email addy for you but couldn’t find it so I’m leaving this here since I also couldn’t find a contact widget.