Foot Fetishists, Dirty Panties and Other Ways to Make Money Off the Internet

August 6, 2015 — 107 Comments

make-money-online 2

 

About 2 am the night after I published my story about breaking up with Facebook, I decided to create a brand new profile. I made 4 friend requests and then fell asleep.

I woke up to over 100 friend requests. New travels face on Facebook! I was added to my old groups and I immediately had forty eleven notifications. I started getting tagged in stuff and I think I peed myself a little.

I had been messaged by Lizzi  – and one minute into my first Messenger conversation SOME RANDOM MAN MESSAGED ME.

He didn’t just message me. He CALLED me through Facebook because he and I have so much to talk about, what with us being COMPLETE STRANGERS and me thinking he was MAYBE A TERRORIST (is that racial profiling?)

IMG_5691

 

My Facebook friends were incredible, posting a ton of “welcome backs” on my timeline. Maybe Facebook is only some version of reality, but whatever it is, it felt good.

 

In several of my groups, women were discussing being propositioned by Brian the Foot Man. That’s actually how he introduces himself. Brian has been skulking around Facebook on and off for years. He messages women and offers to pay them $50 for pictures of their feet.

Mostly everyone is outraged by him. I haven’t been contacted by him yet, and I’m not saying I would do it, but it certainly doesn’t offend me. I’m not sure how he’d feel about my feet. I have really long toes. They’re so long I can curl them around the bars of a jungle gym and hang from them. Not really. But they’re long and can easily be mistake for monkey toes.

At any rate, Brian the Foot Man just doesn’t get my hackles up.

Maybe it’s because I’ve done some really stupid things for money. When I was young I might have taken a questionable job or two. After making ridiculously easy money at a strip club, it’s hard to break out of that life. I had to bust open the sewer pipes at the club and crawl through five hundred yards of shit and raw sewage out into the rain…

Oh wait, that was the Shawshank Redemption.

 

But there have been some really strange things that people have asked me to do for money.

 

I absolutely DID blow out the candles on a birthday cake for $100 at Morton’s Steak house in lower Manhattan. I was there with a group of friends after work one night, when a man approached me and asked if I would. Are you kidding? For a hundred bucks I would blow just about anything I had no problem blowing out those candles. I wish I could earn a living doing that, but currently, things are slow in the birthday cake candle blower-outer business.

 

Years ago my girlfriend wanted me to go into the dirty panty business with her. Yes. I’m not sure about these days, but soiled panties used to be a booming business! There was an entire section on eBay devoted just to selling crusty used panties. Every woman at some point in her life considers selling her used panties. Um, doesn’t she?

Before you decide to switch professions, think about what this entails. Let’s say you run ads. How many creepy fuckers are you doing to have to talk to before you make a real sale? And you have to buy panties, pay to ship panties, take pictures of you wearing the panties, wear the damn panties – that sounds exhausting to me. I’d rather earn an honest living, selling my plasma.

Not that any of YOU is curious but if you had questions about this tawdry business you can actually go to Reddit’s online University of Panty Selling which so help me God I wish I didn’t know existed.

 

A really pathetic acquaintance tried to persuade me to have sex with his grandfather for $200 so he could steal the old man’s coin collection.  I don’t know which aspect of this story is the most disturbing. The fact that he wanted to steal from his own grandfather, the fact that he was slated to inherit it anyway, his brilliant scheme of having me bump fuzzies with the old man so he could rifle through his belongings, the fact that I actually considered it…

I kid.

I’m not into the octogenarians. Yet. I said I have Daddy issues, not GRANDDADDY issues. I’m supposed to allow an elderly dude to drive the beef bus to tuna town while his grandson robs him of all his worldly goods? It’s a Viagra commercial gone horribly wrong.

 

And now, drumroll please, for the Grand Poobah of them all.

A man once offered to pay me thousands of dollars for kicking him in the head until he was unconscious.

And this didn’t even take place at a seedy strip club or escort service. I was at an upscale restaurant-bar with a girlfriend having drinks, and we were approached by a charming, 40-ish man who proceeded to wine and dine (and vagine) us. We ended up going back to his Upper East Side townhouse because that’s a reasonable thing for two young women to do in New York – go back to some rich guy’s house to drink 20-year-old scotch and watch bestiality porn he got special, from the Bronx.

He starts pitching this idea to us, which at first made me laugh until I realized he was serious. I wish I could tell you that we hightailed it out of there completely freaked out but we stayed and tried to accommodate him. We just couldn’t.

Ohh, not because it was debauched and vile. Because I had on the wrong shoes. You need some serious athletic shoes to get the kind of running start required to kick someone unconscious. You can’t mince across a parquet floor in spiked Jimmy Choos and expect to work up enough momentum to knock a motherfucker out.

The deranged thing is that this man wanted a weekly, ongoing arrangement. I can’t even begin to understand it, and all kidding aside, I just didn’t have it in me. YOU try kicking someone square in the face, someone you’re not married to, and see how easy it is. It’s NOT.

So, Brian the Foot Man seems kind of tame to me. Not that I would sell him pictures of my simian feet. I’ve just been asked to do far more bizarre things.

Has Brian the Foot Man contacted you yet? What weird things have you done or been asked to do for money?
Talk to me.  I’m listening. 

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107 responses to Foot Fetishists, Dirty Panties and Other Ways to Make Money Off the Internet

  1. 

    One of my two citizenships is pretty highly coveted and I was propositioned for marriage based on this. Twice. Worst part is they didn’t offer money, just their charming personalities.

    • 

      Ohh, I completely FORGOT to write about that! I actually DID marry someone so he could stay in the country and he DID pay me! Shoot! Well, thank you for reminding me. Maybe I’ll write it about it someday.

      Two citizenships? I’m intrigued…

  2. 

    I would totally consider send BTFG pictures of my Flintstoes, but after seeing his actual request for various poses, it sounds like too much work for just 50 bucks.

  3. 

    Hmmm I think I may be in the minority of people who haven’t been prepositioned by BTFG, but I’d consider it if it wasn’t too much effort – trying to save for Murica, yo!

    I suspect there are certain requirements for dirty panties…I think I’d rather set up a chatline in the US and make money from my voice 😉

  4. 

    I DID get contacted by him. Just yesterday. Only his name was Don. Or it’s a different guy. He was persistent. He must know about my sexy hot feet.

  5. 

    The strangest thing I was asked to do for money was to sit in a 6×6 box next to a computer for 8 hours a day 5 days a week.

  6. 

    I could have lived my entire life not having to know about the dirty undies. LOL Thanks. (Well I guess it’s kind of my fault since you did have it clearly written out in the blog title…)

  7. 

    Did the guy who wanted to be kicked in the head until he loses conciousness understand the kind of brain damage he could get from having that done? Especially once a week.

  8. 

    I haven’t run into BTFG, but I did work at Payless years ago, and there was a guy named Harvey who was in the store often. Not for mens shoes though, oh no. Harvey was after *womens* shoes.
    This was difficult, because he had big feet, and to find his size we ended up calling all over town at all the other Payless stores to find what he wanted. Once we did though, he was very happy.
    He said that he “didn’t wear them unless he was taking a picture”.
    I thought Harvey was a funny little guy and admired his honesty, but he freaked the crap out of some of the other associates.
    Not quite the same thing, but memorable nonetheless.

    • 

      Harvey can order special large sized ladies footwear on the Internet. Although if he was shopping at Payless, he was probably on a tight budget.

  9. 

    Ok, I am on the verge of creating my own profile for the sole purpose of seeking out Brian the Foot Man…
    I once answered a Craigslist ad (where else!) by a guy who wanted to buy used panties. He actually expected me to drive all the way to wherever-the-fuck, wearing said panties under a skirt so I could get in his car and let him watch me remove them. All for 30 measly bucks! The kicker was – to earn $50, I had to jerk him off. Fuck. NO.
    Why can’t I just shoot vids of me rubbing lotion on my feet in my panties and make a mint!??
    P.S. foot guys LOVE long toes. Trust me – it’s a thing. 😉

    • 

      Foot guys LOVE long toes? Ewww. Did I just set myself up to be stalked by foot guys by writing this? Do I need to edit out the part about my long toes? Are you SURE? Even if they look like MONKEY TOES??

      • 

        Hahaha! Don’t. As with anything else it depends on the particular guy. My husband has monkey toes so he probably wouldn’t sneak pics of yours if he came across them at a random Wendy’s. Yeah, I know. :/

  10. 

    Why don’t we start our own pay site!!? Just a thought… if clips4sale can make megabucks and amateur vid sites can, then why not sexy bloggers? Wow.. I’m kind of a boob, ain’t I lol

    • 

      You’re a freak!

      Oh, yeah, I’m SO sexy! Sitting here in my toothpaste stained sweats, haven’t washed my hair in a few days, and badly in need of a shower. Ooh baby.

  11. 

    I have sold pictures to foot guy. He is very specific and will ask for retakes, but he is legit and polite. He likes long toes, FYI. I had several people ask “Don’t you know what he does with those pictures??” Um. Yes. I don’t care. Also, I tried to be creative because I was bored with the request and my gravatar? Is a reject. So no deviating from the fetish, which is, I suppose, what makes it a fetish….:)

    • 

      Aha! Now we get to the origin story of the gravatar!

      You’re the second person to tell me that foot people like long toes. I had no idea. I’m a newbie to the foot game.

  12. 

    Someone sent me a message asking me if I would show him a video of my feet while burping.

  13. 

    Have not been contacted by BTFG yet! 😦 Not sure if I would or not? As for kicking someone in the face until he was unconscious, that would be reserved for my ex!! Wanted to do that more than once!!

  14. 

    Oh, I’m feeling kind of left out. No one’s ever asked to pay me for pictures of my feet. And I have the interesting Fred Flintstone kind.

    I do get asked quite a bit to do stuff for free. Nothing sexual though. You think it’s the Flintstone feet thing?

    I’m working up a pretty good case of righteous indignation at the moment just thinking about it.

  15. 

    Well, if this whole writing gig doesn’t work out, it’s nice to know we have options :).

  16. 

    You’re hilarious! And no, I haven’t been approached either 😦

  17. 

    I got paid and have no shame. My feet are fabulous.

  18. 

    oooh, I’m all for getting paid for pictures of my icky feet, I got big fat toes with hair on the knuckles….so I got the primate thing DOWN!!! Although I cannot swing from mine, but I can pick up things, they are as close to fat chubby fingers as you can get!! I can open bottles…lol… but he must not know of my famous toes yet. I once licked the back of a toilet for a dollar….GAG ME… I was only 4 though, and had no idea WHAT I was doing!!! but hey, a dollar 50 years ago was a lot of money! Used to get a dollar for every HALF of a mole I would bring to my Grandpa too…. we had to chop them in half to please him… so 2 dollars richer each time!!!!! lmao it was his way of keeping us 8 kids out of his hair! You have to stand perfectly still and silent, to watch for when they move… he was a genius!!! 🙂

    • 

      What the HELL is half a mole? An animal mole? I think I need more coffee…

      I hope you haven’t licked any toilets lately. That sounds unsanitary. Eww.

  19. 

    No one has asked for pictures of my feet… I’m kind of hurt. I did have a guy run out of Zumies while I was walking by to tell me I had pretty feet. You hear that BTFG? I got some nice feet. You’ll have to offer way more than $50 to get a look at them though…

  20. 

    Your life is stranger than fiction, Samara. I’m sure I’m not the first one to say it! Did you say a thousand bucks for kicking someone unconscious. Sounds like a great short story. Um, can I use it? I’ve got nothing. I’m feeling really dull. It’s probably why I like to write fiction. 🙂

    • 

      Yes, PLEASE use it! He was one of these S&M guys, but that goes beyond anything I can possibly fathom. Who would want that?

      He told us he had a “mistress” who used to beat him unconscious regularly and he paid her a lot of money.

      I can’t believe I’m even typing this. I’d look it up online but I’m afraid of what I would find.
      If you write about it, let me know!

  21. 

    I once had a transgendered lady pay me $50 to allow her lick the bottom of my boot. I took the $50.

  22. 

    And here I’ve been blowing out other people’s birthday candles all these years for free…

  23. 

    “drive the beef bus to tuna town…”

    I choked and made Lizzi jump! 😀

  24. 

    Hmmm, nothing sexual but when I owned my own tractor trailer, I was approached in a truck stop and offered $50,000 cash (shown in a briefcase) to leave the keys in the ignition and wait 1 day before reporting it stolen. That way I would get the $50k and the insurance claim. I turned it down.

  25. 

    I have not even heard of BTFG – but then I’m only on Facebook a very short time. And that’s only because of Lizzi. Because I hate Facebook. A lot.
    I’m going to file this away because right now the self-employed life is frustrating and this will be good to remind me that everyone takes strange jobs and also that hey, there are options, right?

  26. 

    I feel like these things only happen in New York. The stories I could tell… (And one day will.)

  27. 
    erickeyswriter August 7, 2015 at 3:05 pm

    Strange things I do for money? Well, I used to work for a website company that ran a dating site. It was sort of like match.com but it sucked big time. And I got the job because I used to take newspaper personal ads over the phone. That was weird and scary and horribly funny all at the same time.

    • 

      Oh my gosh, did you ever see the movie “Desperately Seeking Susan”? There’s a scene in it where they show the guy at the Village Voice taking personal ads. Hahahaha
      The title of the movie is the personal ad Susan’s boyfriend used to run when he was trying to track her wayward ass down.

      • 

        Haven’t seen it. My guess is that the reality is – at times – weirder than the fiction.

  28. 

    So you have your real name on Facebook?

  29. 

    Does selling smelly panties come with dental? How about a matching 401(k)? Take it from me…the stuff you have to do to get those kinds of benefits is really boring. Now dirty panties…that’s an encrusted thrill.

    I get kicked in the head all the time and don’t even have to ask for it.

  30. 

    Back in my YouTube days I got a private message from a guy trying to buy dirty panties. I was underage (16) at the time–it’d be uncomfortable regardless, but the scariest part was trying to decide whether I got asked BECAUSE I was underage or if he didn’t know I was underage.

    • 

      Sadly, your nubile young self probably did attract him.
      I know I should not be blown away that some random dude would just ask to buy your dirty panties, but this shit never ceases to amaze me.

  31. 

    I clearly spent too many years in a sheltered town…how do I not know about these things.
    You crack me up, Samara.
    And, may I tell you something a little cool/creepy?
    My hubby and I are in the living room watching baseball as I read your post. I start to giggle and he asks, “Are you reading Samara or Ned?”
    He knows me too well 🙂

    • 

      Oh, that’s awesome that your hubby knows! My kid also knows the name of bloggers who I enjoy. They’re usually PG-rated, so we read them together.

      Hmm. Every town has a seedy side. If I visited you, we would explore it together.

      • 

        I’m embarrassed to live in the town that I do…we are known for one thing “Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church”
        Hate groups are the seediest things ever! Let’s stay in your neck of the woods – it sounds like more fun 😉

  32. 

    hahahaha I love that you added “someone that’s not your husband” regarding the kicking in the face. HAHA.
    I’ve done some really stupid shit for money. Stuff I’d never put in a comment section, but suffice to say – I get it. All you have to do is mix the nativity and ballsiness of youth with the need for money, and some crazy shit happens.

  33. 

    I get paid to do all sorts of unimaginable things. However, I work in health care so it probably doesn’t count. And, getting paid is also probably stretching it a bit

    Nice blog though Sahara. I know, it’s been a while. A while since I was around. Not since you wrote a good blog (someone kick my head quick…There’s money in it for you)

  34. 
    anotheryegmommy August 31, 2015 at 3:18 am

    Did you know that someone did a Q&A with Brian the foot guy? He actually posted in a local group here in Edmonton, AB about a month ago. If you google him as well there are quite a few stories about him.
    Its an interesting way to spend money……I guess….
    Regardless love your blog 🙂

  35. 

    Someone just wrote me the other day on Fet about my feet and my shoe porn I have up. I didn’t tell my wife yet, but I’m sure it’ll come up in conversation.

  36. 

    I knew there were a lot of scary places on Reddit, and now I’m convinced that Reddit IS the rule 34 (or whatever the heck number it is) of the internet.

  37. 

    Oh, I wish someone would pay me for something so silly as a photo of my feet…they are not really nice, but I might even consider to take off that three months old nail polish to make it look better 😀 Not sure my husband would mind, probably not really.

    • 

      Everyone’s toe nail polish is three months old in the winter!
      Well, unless you’re single. I just had mine done for exactly that reason. 😊

      • 

        I got the last one done in Colombia (and wasn´t too happy about it because it looked like a Windows 98 logo) where it costs around 4 dollars. Now I´m too lazy to do anything about it and can´t afford to hire (not even a vietnamese) girl to fix it. I guess it means the living conditions here are not too bad…

      • 

        You traveled to Colombia to get a pedicure???

      • 

        Hahaha, no, I lived there for about a year and a half 😀

  38. 

    I had totally forgotten about this until I put on the shoes that I wore for a couple of the photos that I sold to Brian. I had to do retakes because all 10 of my toes (and nails) could not be seen. The interesting request was that at least one photo had to be in stockings with your toes spread.
    I can’t remember what I spent my $50 on….shoes? 😉

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