Punk Rock MILF

July 14, 2015 — 112 Comments

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He said, “Oh, my wife and I have very generic sex. She doesn’t really have any deep-seated issues.”

The implication being that I’m uninhibited and adventurous in bed because I’m meschugena (that’s street Jew for crazy bitch.)

I’m not buying that. If your wife is vanilla, don’t attribute it to her clean bill of mental health. She’s just a starfish fuck.

 

Psychological baggage may prevent women from getting close to men, or make them difficult and needy. It doesn’t make you a hot scromp.

 

I’m the first one to admit I have raving daddy issues. But it’s not like I’m a cliched “daddy issues girl” who ended up on a stripper pole or addicted to drugs. 

 

Woopsie.

 

At any rate, everyone has baggage. Here’s to life in all its fucked up glory. I still maintain that emotional issues won’t turn you into a nymphomaniac with lascivious tastes in bed. That’s just blind luck.

 

I recently stumbled across a Subreddit called Dead Bedrooms.

*Please note: Do not surf Reddit. You will see things you cannot unsee. There isn’t enough eye bleach in the world to cleanse what I have seen, while searching for cupcake recipes in the wee hours of the dark and lonely night.

Apparently, this is a Thing – it’s when a couple, married or otherwise, doesn’t have sex because one of them is LL (low libido). And it’s not always the woman, although that is the more common scenario.

I’m in groups where married woman discuss sex as if it’s an unpleasant chore. Particularly stay-at-home moms, who have to spend a day taking care of squalling brats. Nothing drains a libido faster than exhaustion accompanied by puke, poop, and spit up. It’s ironic that the ultimate expression of womanhood, being a mother, can leave one feeling  sexless and decidedly unfeminine.

 

I usually keep quiet during these discussions, unless blow jobs are being discussed. I’m enthusiastically pro-blow and try to put in a good word for checking the mic ever since a friends marriage broke up, over blow jobs.

But I don’t join in the I-hate-having-to-fuck my-husband discussions, because I don’t want to disagree and feel like I’m gloating.

I should preface this by saying that I have always had a very strong libido. Even as a kid. I used to watch Star Trek and get little twinges over Mr. Spock (don’t you dare judge me and RIP Leonard Nimoy).  And later, over Charlie’s Angels – but that’s a whole other story.

I grew up in the New York City projects and had the hots for The Jackson Five. All of them. Individually, not some jungle-fever gang bang.

Before you send a marching band to my house to play “Me So Horny” this has not always been positive. There’s such a thing as incompatible sex drives. A relationship I had in my 20’s, the love of my life, the “one who got away” – died of sexual incompatibility.

If I’m in a relationship, I’m an “every day” girl. This man was more of the “once or twice a week” persuasion.  It was a source of constant frustration to me, and not just sexual. It’s emotionally frustrating to walk around all the time throbbing at the heart and the pussy.

I tried everything. I fed him tiger penis soup from China and horny goat weed from India. I dressed as Leela from Futurama.

I went unfucked.

While choosing an island in the Caribbean for our vacation, I said, “I really don’t care where we go. As long as we can have sex five times a day.”

He was visibly horrified.

We broke up soon after that.

 

I had a really strong sex life with my Ex, which is probably why he still stalks me.

We never had that post-baby “don’t touch me” thing happen. We had plenty of sex with that little bassinet right in our bedroom. When my doctor told us to wait six weeks after my son was born to have sex, my Ex said, “Wait a minute. Is that for anal, too?”

Even 14 years into our relationship our sex life really never dwindled or got stale. I don’t know exactly what to attribute that to. I wish I did, and could articulate it to couples who are experiencing Dead Bedroom.

I am adventurous, energetic and kinky as hell, but not because of my “deep seated issues.” Maybe it’s because I’m from New York, and have been exposed to a veritable cornucopia of kinky fuckery? Or because I started exploring my sexuality in college, in a hippie-ish, upstate New York “land that time forgot”? Is it because I grew up with five brothers, and there was so much sperm flung around our apartment it was like living in the Monkey House at the Bronx Zoo?

 

Sex is one of the most fun activities a couple can engage in. It costs nothing. It’s fantastic cardio. The hormones released are natural mood enhancers. Certain positions, like reverse cowgirl, are great for working out your hamstrings and quads.  Reverse cowgirl is also a fabulous position for hitting a woman’s G-spot.

Yes, a G-spot exists. We’re not talking Big Foot or Chupacabra. Although it is pretty fucked up that something which feels that amazing you have to go on a mystical quest to find, whereas everything you need to make a man orgasm is just protruding out there, waggling at you.

 

Women who think having sex with their husbands is like facing a long layover at a crowded airport during a snowstorm, think again.

 

Women are complicated creatures who need to feel safe, protected, and taken care of.  Men are generally far less complicated. They need to be fed and fucked. If you want him attending to your needs, attend to his.

Sex is a powerful stress reliever. It releases calming hormones in the brain, which is balm for the body. Sex correlates to healing faster, getting sick less often and living longer. A panacea for so much of what ails us- automatically installed in our own bodies!

It feels good. Stop denying yourself one of the worlds’ greatest pleasures. Most men are more than happy to give a woman an orgasm. A man I was involved with recently was a sexual gem, more invested in making me have an orgasm than in having one himself. Do both of you a favor, and accept this graciously, and repeatedly.

Reclaim your femininity; your essence. Particularly if you’re a woman who spends her day cleaning up poo and puke and spit and All The Things. You need to remember that you’re a goddess. There’s nothing more restorative than finding yourself through the touch of another.

 

I’m not some kind of sexual superstar. I just feel empowered because I was lucky enough to be given a life to live and a body that functions perfectly.

The physical pleasure of sex, the freedom of it, connects two human beings in a way that lets them endure the pains and losses of being human. It’s a life affirming expression of joy and trust.

 

 

The title of this post is brought to you courtesy of my beautiful Sisterwife Mandi, who referred to me in a conversation as “Punk MILF.”

Mandi is the author of Dear Stephanie, an intense, sizzling, roller coaster of a read. Because I love you all, and because

I’m a proud Book Pimp,

,CERTIFIED BOOK PIMP (1)

please leave a comment. We’ll do a drawing and one of you will win a copy!

 

 

Is your sex drive compatible with that of your Significant Other? 
Have you ever heard of Dead Bedroom? How about Tiger Penis Soup? 
Talk to me. I’m listening. 

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112 responses to Punk Rock MILF

  1. 

    I wanna be a punk rock prom queen. 🙂

  2. 

    Sadly..hubs drive is stronger than mine…BUT, mine is far from dead..so I have THAT going for me.

  3. 

    I have been a fan of your blog for a while but not really taken a dip in the comment section. I thought you nailed it with “Why I Would Never Marry a Woman” and now it seems you have crawled in my brain once again. Thank your for so eloquently and humorously attacking a subject so near and dear to my heart. Yeah, well sort my heart…..
    You see for years I kinda felt like a freak show with my libido. Blogging has opened up a new world to me and I have found I am not alone. Looking forward to your next post.
    How are you holding up with the summer camp situation?

    • 

      Hi there and welcome! I’m so glad you commented!

      Thanks for asking about summer camp. I’m doing much better, thankfully.

      It really sucks (and not in a good way) when people are together and their libidos don’t match. I still thing about the One That Got Away.

  4. 

    *sigh*

    Not even gonna open this particular can of worms, but WTG YOU 🙂

  5. 

    Loved this, Samara!

    It’s fantastic to hear an awesome and empowered woman like you confirming what feels right in my heart. I’m a good little girl who loves having sex.
    Long ago, I adopted the mantra (for taking care of my husband) – if he’s not horny, make him a sandwich. But, it only happened after a wake-up call early in our marriage – me seeing his broken heart spread across his face when I turned him down (again) because I was too tired. How could be too tired to take of my person? I didn’t ever want to see that hurt again and I changed my attitude. My attitude changed his, too – boom! Sex all of the time! We dread the day we “caught” by our teenage son – we are on a mission to do it in every corner of our little world which includes multiple trips to the tool shed. My rededication to our sex life has kept me happy (and multiple orgasmic) for 27 years. Word!

    As for Dear Stephanie – I read that book in one round trip to Atlanta. Hot, sweet, and awesome!

    PS: I was gonna be FRIST, but since I took so long to get the shit out on the keyboard, I’m sure I’m not.

    • 

      What a fabulous comment! You’ve confirmed for me that it’s possible to start out just taking care of your person, and then discovering how much dang fun sex is!

      Keep up those trips to the tool shed.

      I’m so happy to see you here! The last time I visited your blog, comments were closed. I hope to stop by again soon. xoxox

      • 

        Hi Samara!!
        Thank YOU for stopping by my place. I’ve been gone so much lately and have been a bad bloggy friend. I was so happy to see your post in my inbox this morning!
        The hubs and I talk about how much more fun we have these days than even in the earlier days when pieces and parts were still in all the non-gravity places. Comfortable in our own skins and knowing the ins and outs (literally) makes it all that much richer.
        Plus – he’s really hot 🙂
        Hope you’re having a great summer!

    • 

      Such a rookie! Score FRIST, THEN write the rest *rolls eyes* 😉

  6. 

    I’d have sex every day if I could!

    Great post. Keep on shaggin’!

  7. 

    Am I wrong, or is this what sex ed should be?

    • 

      I’ll check with the middle school and see if they’ll let me lecture on the benefits of having sex.

      Okay, that was a little out there, even for me. hahahaha

      • 

        Middle school? I had sex ed in elementary school… maybe that’s a California thing?

      • 

        They have sex Ed in elementary school. My kid learned that the sperm fertilizes the egg. They didn’t teach him the mechanics, though. That he learned at sleepaway camp.

        I avoided mentioning elementary school because should I really be having a sex-positive discussion with 9 year olds?

      • 

        That is an interesting question. Depends on the kid? Depends on the parents… There are so many different messages about sex, age, marriage, love, etc… that it’s hard to know which of them these kids will actually take to heart and which they will laugh off? If a child has heard from age 5 (or earlier) in church that sex outside of marriage is a sin, aren’t they bound to struggle with accepting more positive messages later in life?
        (I’m not advocating one way or another, and I’m definitely not trying to start a religious debate, I’m just pointing out that they are already receiving messages about sex early in life, and perhaps we should make sure those are balanced.)

  8. 

    “Wait a minute. Is that for anal, too?”

    Every so often, an Ex story emerges that earns him a few points. That was one of them.

    You get serious and reflective for a moment in here, though. Because this really will destroy marriages.

    We’ve kicked this around before, but I just think that in general, people (most of which come from places like mine, and not like yours) are WAY more uptight and Puritanical and–afraid–of honest and vulnerable conversation about sex.

    There’s a lot of guilt and shame involved when you grow up being taught how wrong sex is outside of marriage, yet every single cell in your body is DYING to mate with every attractive thing around you.

    Boys grow up confused. No matter how afraid of it we are, we basically try to sleep with everyone who will say yes. But even that is dicey when you’re still trying to figure out who you are, and you’re wrestling with internal morality issues and emotional fuckness.

    So, maybe you’re like “yeah, I’ll have sex with my girlfriend all the time, but I’m not going to get TOO freaky, because then it will be EXTRA wrong and sinful.”

    You’re afraid to give in. You’re afraid to not give in. You’re just afraid.

    You finally get married. And WHEW. Damn. Finally. It’s okay to have sex now! No more guilt and shame!

    But then some other things happen.

    Maybe now that the thrill is gone, you lose just a little bit of want-to, because now there’s no scary adrenaline rush attached to it.

    Maybe now that you’re married, you feel like sex with your spouse is this special, sacred sort of thing. You like it. And you want it to be hot. But because you’re a little bit fucked up and confused and young and don’t know anything about anything, you don’t really want it to be too hot. Like, you don’t want to treat your wife like “a slut” or “a whore,” because you have this misplaced notion of–I don’t know. You just don’t think your wife should be doing things that cross into dirty-kink territory.

    It feels wrong. In your mind. You can’t explain why, but you know your upbringing is why.

    You’re afraid to talk about it because it’s a taboo subject and you don’t understand how important talking about it is.

    You keep the dirty shit bottled up and hidden from your wife because you don’t want her to think you’re a freak. You’re afraid she’ll reject you.

    But then your marriage falls apart and your sex life is bullshit and everything breaks and she does reject you.

    You feel lost and ruined and, just, broken.

    All the sudden you stop being afraid because your life falling apart was WAY scarier than all the shit you were actually afraid of.

    And you realize: “Wow. I got so much of this wrong. And all my fear-based bullshit about sex is a HUGE part of it.”

    You start thinking about it. You start talking about it. You get smarter and wiser through the prism of hindsight. Things like “Fifty Shades of Grey” go mainstream and sell like 14 copies per every man, woman, child and animal on earth.

    And it dawns on you further: “It’s really not that weird. It’s really not that scary. Most people feel this way, and because I was too scared to talk about it, I didn’t know that my wife did too.”

    And that’s when you KNOW.

    You spent your entire life lying to yourself because you were afraid and lacked the courage to ask anyone about it–not even the person you married.

    And now I know how important it is. Because I often learn the hard way.

    And now maybe everything can be good and healthy and sustainable moving forward.

    With just a little more honesty, a little more nakedness, and the right human being.

    One wonders what seemed so scary about that in the first place.

    This is an important topic. Preach on, preacher. xo

    • 

      Matt, I think you just wrote your next blog post. I grew up similarly to you, without the freedom to discuss sex or even the idea of it, and it screwed me up a little because when I finally was in a position where sex was inevitable, I actually wanted it (REALLY WANTED IT), and God was going to hate me for that, but I did it anyway. What sex offered me was a new kind of esteem where I was able to express myself without the judgement of my parents or my church. I could have gone crazy and become a sex crazed teenager, but I didn’t. I still had the church hanging over my head. I did reserve sex for those who I loved and who I felt loved me, and I don’t regret that. I do regret that in college I never gave into the cravings for a one night stand. In my next life, I’m totally doing that.

      But that’s the problem with this kind of fear based upbringing is that it’s not setting up adults to understand how to deal with attraction that becomes desire and that desire is normal. We are animals, and our bodies were made to mate.

      Samara, these women you speak of in this post. I’ve been in the same conversations with them, and I’m always a little taken aback because who doesn’t want sex? All the time? This is why I say I have the sex drive of a teenage boy because I can’t even begin to relate to these women who don’t want it, but then, I think if they would step away from their insecurities, turn on the lights, and show that they’re brilliantly made and beautiful and highly fuckable, then they might enjoy it a lot more. A woman’s body is something that should be treasured. Every single woman’s.

      I love this post, Samara, and not just because you’re my pimp extraordinaire. Thank you for that though. A ton!!

      • 

        It’s easier to write about here then there. 🙂

        But yeah. Maybe you’re right.

        Because this is the elephant in the room I dance around when writing about what went wrong in our marriage. Residual shame, if you will.

        Thank you for chiming in here and understanding. I HATE blaming church and Christianity and efforts to lead a good life, because I don’t think those are bad things. Not at all. They are mostly very good.

        But on this one particular subject, we’ve created legions of sexually repressed and dysfunctional adults, and the fallout on divorced parents and children of those broken homes are incalculable.

        It doesn’t get talked about enough.

        Thank you so much.

      • 

        I think that this kind of thinking “sex is wrong” and “desire is wrong” is leading to the higher divorce rate. In situations like you mentioned, because it’s such a taboo subject and people are uncomfortable with discussing it, it gets swept under the rug, when in reality, like you said, it’s the giant erect elephant in the room that is begging for attention.

      • 

        All of these sexual issues have to be somehow worked out if a marriage is to succeed. Without sex, two people are just roommates. Not that this is a bad thing. But I always feel like eventually, someone is going to give into a very natural biological urge- and NOT with their partner. That would suck. (and not in a good way).

        I’m so delighted to pimp yo’ shiz today!
        (okay, I’m a middle-aged white lady in the suburbs. I need to calm down)

    • 

      So many people learn about this the hard way. (no pun intended). But at least they get it.

      It’s only natural to want to shield our children from experiences that may harm them, if they’re not ready. And there’s a generational thing going on here – our parents generation was not as sex positive as we are. Hopefully, our kids will grow up understanding the beauty of sex between two consenting, committed adults.

      Thanks for this amazing comment. xo

    • 

      YES! YES! YES! (I’ll have what she’s having 🙂 ) THIS is the core of so many people’s problems. Religion and guilt and shame surrounding sex is the beast that steals pleasure and orgasms and satisfaction. Write this up in a blog post, Matt. Please??? And then alert all of us so we don’t miss it.

    • 

      Matt, what about writing it here, for SisterWives? Let me know if you want to do that…

      • 

        That would certainly be fine, too. 🙂 I can still steer people that direction if they care enough.

        I appreciate the offer. Fire me a note anytime you want to coordinate. I’m leaving town Friday and will be inconsistent for about 8-9 days afterward.

        Samara’s like: “Yes! All my readers are soooooo interested in Matt’s travel schedule. I hope he keeps talking about them right here in the comments of my excellent post that has nothing to do with him.”

      • 

        Please feel free to make a list here of everything you need to pack for the trip, as well as your itinerary for the rest of the summer.

  9. 
    erickeyswriter July 14, 2015 at 9:35 am

    My wife and I are miles apart when it comes to sex. Even in her fantasies she always has to edit them to the point that her pastor would approve. Seriously, She’ll be talking about some great fantasy while we’re getting it on and then she has to inset some mechanism into the fantasy to be sure we can’t possibly be seen by anyone or re-iterates how even though we are younger in this fantasy that we’re still married and so forth. She definitely would not like the fantasies I sometimes spin!

    https://erickeyswriter.wordpress.com/mstislav-reviews/

    • 

      So, she’s fantasizing about some hot scenario, and then calls in the Cloaking Device?
      Well, at least you guys are getting it on. There’s that. 🙂

      • 
        erickeyswriter July 14, 2015 at 11:38 am

        In essence – although she’d cringe at the Star Trek reference.

      • 

        WHAT? Star Trek is AWESOME.

      • 
        erickeyswriter July 14, 2015 at 11:45 am

        I agree. But wifey thinks it’s a portal to the occult and demonization. It’s a weird, weird place I’ve landed in my life!

      • 

        It can’t be any weirder than suburban New Jersey.

      • 
        erickeyswriter July 14, 2015 at 12:11 pm

        Maybe, maybe not. Do you have demons lurking behind everything up there? Seriously, people at my church tell me that if I listen to the wrong kind of music, I’ll be inviting demons into my life. Or if I watch the wrong kind of film – demons! It’s crazy but I’m stuck here.

        Well, regardless, I’m sure you have your own special brand of weirdness to deal with. Maybe it’s weirder in some ways than what I have to deal with.

  10. 
    Gretchen Kellaway July 14, 2015 at 10:00 am

    Sex to me, is my connection with my husband. Our alone time. The one fucking thing I don’t have to share with no one. We run upstairs during naptime. We sneak feels in the car on long trips. One time we made put like horn teenagers and he picked me up onto the dining room table. I have four kids, he works crazy as swing shifts.. we make time for us!

    I am a goddess- fertility, sex, hearth and home! I am feminine, beautiful because I won’t allow myself to feel otherwise.

    Ladies! Listen to the Goddess! Sex all the time.. if you can’t do it everyday- a few times a day, make sure it’s more than once a year on a birthday!

    Preach it Samara (I miss you!)

    • 

      You ARE a goddess- simply because you say you are. All women are. We just have to own it. And you certainly own that!

      I miss you, too. I’m eventually returning back to facebook, but not until I get a really good story out of it. 🙂

  11. 

    My official parent talk about sex was one word, “Don’t”. So there’s that. Naturally, I was quite the trampy whore in high school. But as soon as I met the husband, all that sorta fell away and I didn’t want anyone but him. We’ve been together for over 20 years, and we still have sex 3-4 times a week. Sometimes more. We still genuinely like each other, want to have sex with each other, are attracted to each other. I feel like we are not the norm in our group. We know so many couples that rarely have sex, or talk about it like it’s a marital duty and not something they enjoy. Our sex life now is better than it was in our 20s. I think that connection is what keeps our marriage strong, and helps us get through the other things that aren’t so easy. And, it’s a bonus that we get to embarrass the kid from now through is teenage years by sneaking into the kitchen to make out. So, win-win.

    • 

      Wow! If all couples could stay affectionate and intimate like that, after 20 years- that would be awesome.

      I love the way you called yourself “quite the trampy whore.” I don’t know why, but that just makes me laugh.

  12. 

    I wish I could thoroughly comment on this but I will just get myself into the kind of trouble where I won’t have as much sexy business as I want.

    I read it. You’re awesome. I support yours and Mandi’s analyses.

  13. 

    I don’t understand the women who complain about “having to” have sex with their husbands. Well, I do have a theory. I think there are sooooo many women who’ve never had an orgasm. I know there are statistics about this but they’re probably not accurate and I don’t do well with numbers so never mind. I think the shame surrounding sex and masturbating rob so many women of ever knowing what an orgasm feels like. And if I never had an orgasm? I probably wouldn’t love sex either.

    Thank sweet baby jesus that after 19 years together me and my man are still reaping the benefits of that raw passion that we had from the start.

    Never heard of a dead bedroom. Never heard of a starfish. Never heard of Tiger Penis Soup. I learn soooo much when I read your stuff Samara. Also, I miss you. Would you get that Facebook situation fixed, please? ❤

    • 

      There are grown women who never have orgasms? Like, they have sex, but they don’t have orgasms?
      That’s fucked up. I actually never even thought about that. That needs to change.

      First thing- don’t ever fake orgasm. Ever. Ewww. What on earth is the point? That’s another concept I never could wrap my brain around. I don’t have to have one every time, but there’s no upside to pretending to have one. That just gives some guy the wrong message that what he’s doing trips your trigger. Instead, coach him till he gets it right!

      On second thought, I DO have to have one. Several. Every time. If I don’t, I’m just cranky.

  14. 

    Well… that’s tough to say. Hubby made me wonder in the 1st few years when our first chance to get all hot & heavy, his “heat” burned white-hot and then just fizzled out. Completely. This does not stop him from making every effort to get me off, but it ultimately makes me sad. I mean, wouldn’t YOU get tired of handies??NOT that this is all he does; it’s like Ben Affleck said in Chasing Amy – Sometimes all you need is a seriously deep dicking.
    And I really miss that. There is just nothing like it. 😥

  15. 

    The only thing worse than my daddy issues are my mommy ones. I never thought of either of those things affecting my sex life – how dumb am I? But, me and hubs are super happy fuckers, so what can I say? Even post-menopausal. I say get it on. Your world will be happier for it!

    • 

      Oh no, mommy issues? Well, I get it. All sorts of parental issues can screw us up.

      I’m not even joking when I tell you about my friends in their 50’s who are having all the sex, all the time! The kids are older, or out of the house. Their not exhausted and sleep deprived from dealing with little ones. It’s like a second honeymoon.

      Rock on with your bad self!

  16. 

    Hey I tried to share this on FB and tag you. It says your FB page isn’t available?

  17. 

    My husband’s sex drive is lower than mine and it drives me batshit crazy. I’m happy with a boink at least 3 times a week. He’s happy with a bonk once a week. I ain’t happy about that but strangely, since my monthly lady business has been weird, I’m okay with it.

    What I don’t understand are the women who hate banging their husbands or view it like a chore. Either he sucks in the sack or they married the wrong dude. After 5 years I still consider my husband incredibly hot and am more than happy to get it on with the dude.

    • 

      Yes, viewing it as a chore is not a happy situation. I mean, you can take one for the team occasionally – but in general, I much prefer the scenario in which both partners are allowing themselves the joy of sex.

      Thanks for stopping by, Kim. xoxoxo

  18. 

    Great post! I seriously feel like a 18 year old boy 24/7 practically..and I’m in between relationships. so, ugh!!!

  19. 

    My sex drive was considerably stronger than my (STILL) husband ‘s. He had a whole bunch of excuses. I couldn’t understand how our sex life could have been so filthy, dirty, sick, wicked fun for YEARS and then slowly dwindle down to nothing. I think he was cheating. It was just too odd for it to suddenly stop. Whatever. I now chill with a cool guy with a sex drive as strong as mine. We can’t keep our hands off of each other. I like that shit.

    • 

      This is such a juicy comment – but I’m confused. You’re still married to the guy who stopped the filthy dirty wicked fun – but you have a new beau?

      Please do tell. Inquiring minds want to know.

      • 

        We’re separated. We’ve been separated for 2 years and 8 months. We have a custody/alimony/child support agreement, but the dude can’t seal the deal. He keeps holing it up. Anyway, my beau is an old flame, probably the love of my life, who reappeared once I found out I had cancer. There is more juice to THAT relationship, but stupid me, I didn’t keep this blog completely anonymous, so he knows about it and can read it and a couple of my friends know about it and can read it, so I feel like I can’t be spilling my shit all over
        https://suzyonthestreet.wordpress.com
        (My Enchanted Life)

        What can I do about this?? I want to spill the shit. The good shit!!!

      • 

        Hmm. Start an anonymous blog? My very first blog was in my real name. Once I realized what I REALLY wanted to write about, I started this one, in a pseudonym.

      • 

        Can I transfer my previous posts to a new anonymous blog? I think I read somewhere that you can do that.

  20. 

    Having left batshit crazy ex husband behind, it’s been sooooo much fun to get frisky with dudes with healthier and more voracious sexual outlooks. Yes, sex is bonkers and great, but touch… sensual touch makes the world go round.

  21. 

    I need a cigarette. And to maybe turn the AC down. Or is it up? That’s always been a mystery to me. You turn it “up” by turning it down. Too much thinking. But the temp definitely is going up in this shack since I started reading this post, haha.
    Scromp? Great word.
    I usually gloss over the comments, because, you know, whose opinion matters but mine? But I have to go back and re-read some of these.
    Damn, I wanta have sex someday again that involves having another person in the room with me. You folks make it sound fun.
    On a completely unrelated subject, dontcha think a great t-shirt would be: “If God hadn’t intended for us to masturbate, he wouldn’t have made it feel so damn good.”

    • 

      Turn up for what? (hahahahaha I’m such a teenager)

      I love making up words. I try to invent at least one every time I publish. “Scromp” was today’s.

  22. 

    Fuck, I forgot the ONE interesting thing i was going to say: About 30 years ago, the woman I was dating said one night, “Is this going to take all night?” To which I replied, “Well, no, as a matter of fact; I think we’re done right now.” Incompatibility sucks.

  23. 

    We kind of tag team on the sex drive, in the beginning his was more than mine and now mine tends to be more than his but we both win because it doesn’t matter if my sex drive is lower or his is, we still do the deed when one or both of us has “the look”. We are compatible in the idea that sex isn’t really about ourselves but more about each other so whether I am up for it or not, I jump in and vice versa. For me that is part of being a couple. Oh and yes I will acknowledge there are times when I have to just say no, and sometimes he just wants to sleep but they are few and far between.

    In my opinion if you are incompatible sexually to the point of not even being willing to “suck it up” for the other person’s sake, then what the hell are you doing together? Oh and whomever wrote the rule about no more blow jobs after the wedding is an asshole. Rules are made to be broken, specially lame rules.

  24. 

    I think you’d make a good therapist, Samara. 🙂 The Dead Bedroom (I’ve never heard it called that, but it makes sense!) and incompatible sex drives are a real problem. It changes throughout a relationship. Sometimes you got to ride it out. For women, I feel it’s usually emotional issues more than anything, like trust, for example that can zap a sex drive real fast!

    • 

      I don’t think I’d make a good therapist. I excel more at being a therapy patient.

      Emotional issues do zap sex drive. Sex is more mental than anything else. I’ve been insanely attracted to people who, by most measurable standards, were not incredibly attractive. But they were to me.

  25. 

    Loved this! My husband and I have been having great sex with each other for 17 years and ongoing. Babies never slowed us down. Sex is the best thing (dancing is second best). And no matter what is going on in life it is the one thing that is always there, that nothing can get in the way of. And there are always new ways to do it and things to add to the excitement.

  26. 

    OMG I had to scroll down so far my fingers are sore.

    Oh wait, that’s not why….

    Indeed, we teach our girls they are whores if they like it…and our boys to like it, but not with the whores and only within acceptable guidelines…

    We teach both so many stupid things about what is normal and what is not….

    And then we hide the fact that we break the rules that we create…

    And we wonder why we are fucked up….

    I have a lot to say on this. I wonder if I ever will.

    Honest and brave. 🙂

    • 

      You should write about this. Matt is, and so is Mandi. You would do a brilliant job discussing what you just touched on in your comment.

      I said “touched on.” hehe

  27. 

    I have never heard of “Tiger penis soup”, “dead bedroom”, “starfish fuck”, and many other terms. Which is one of the reasons why I am reading your blog.

  28. 

    I always feel I have learned something fun l and new and still wonder if we got separated in utero! LOL
    Since I am on the single train currently I am having to pull out all the old toys for now.
    I know fun will be coming soon because otherwise I will become beyond bitchy!
    I just have to remember not to hurt my next partner! LOL
    I love your posts because you say things most people would never even talk about, much less admit!
    For my own selfish sanity I hope you never stop writing!
    Cheers!
    And here’s to those healthy sexual uninhibited appetites everywhere!

    • 

      I would never stop writing, for my OWN sanity. Writing is how I breathe.

      I’m so happy you relate to my stories. I’m incredibly grateful to have found a group of like minded people who enjoy what I write. Thank you.

      Here’s to great sex! Yay!

  29. 

    I am an Indian woman living in India so my comment would be v different. I think the same comment coming from a more orthodox woman will be entirely different.

    When woman have emotional or intellectual problems with their husbands they just cannot enjoy doing anything with them, leave alone the most intimate thing. They have to coz there is no choice. Fine I will give this advantage to men too coz I have seen too many frustrated men as well.

    • 

      Sex is more mental than anything. If you’re having issues with your husband (or wife) you’re not going to want to be intimate with them. It’s a libido killer.

      Thanks for weighing in here. xoxo

  30. 

    I think I might have low libido. 5x/day doesn’t appeal to me. It turns it into a medical procedure. I look around me and I don’t feel as sex-crazed/starved as the rest of society. And I don’t think I’m getting any more than the typical amount. It just doesn’t bother me much. Maybe that’s sad or maybe that’s liberating.

    Can’t husbands tell their wives hate fucking them? Doesn’t that kind of suck all the joy out of it?

    Off topic: I sometimes wonder if you guys know what the term “sisterwife” actually means. That’s a group of women married to a polygamist. Basically, they’re slaves to one man who’ve been stripped of their individuality and single needs. Are you trying to turn it on its head and reclaim it?

    • 

      You have a low libido? You just shattered my image of you.

      The 5 times a day thing – I was in my 20’s. And we were going on vacation! But I will admit to being a once a day girl, if I could be. And I think husbands do know that their wives dread sex, but they have needs, and they take what they can get.

      Of course we know what “sisterwife” means! You should see some of the emails we get!

      Many moons ago, I fell head over heels in love with Jennie Saia, (a founding member of the Sisterwives) and asked her to marry me in the comment section of her blog. I asked her to be my “sisterwife,” and yes, I was redefining it. It was a marriage without a man, but without being a lesbian, either. It was just love. And now I have a whole tribe of like-minded women who I adore.

      • 

        Images are made to be shattered.

        Of course I remember Jennie! I loved her travel tales. A hell of a writer. I hope she’s well.

      • 

        I fell in blog love with her. Her writing was exceptional. The kind you don’t find too often in blog world.

        She stopped blogging for a zillion reasons, none of which I can discuss in my comment section. 🙂

  31. 

    Had my parents had their way, I’d still be a virgin, even having once been married. Speaking of having once been married, I wish it was just sex that broke it up. That I might understand.
    I like your blog. It’s interesting. The good kind of interesting.

    • 

      I just looked at your blog, because your gravatar is hypnotizing.

      I think I have found a kindred soul.

      • 

        I connected with a lot of what you said here. Like we have some scary (good) parallels. I’m glad I’m not the only one who “never” ended up on a stripper pole or on drugs. 😉

  32. 

    I’m not dead bedroom material but I most definitely have intimacy issues on all levels not just sex.. BUT I’ve made progress. I know it’s frustrating for my husband at times bc i can get closed off.at times and it becomes my MO it times of high stress. for me.. communication is key. great blog. I do think we need to break the silence in it being a taboo subject. I struggle just talking about it..BUT I’m aware and working on it! ❤

    • 

      In a perfect world, we could turn to our spouses for intimacy and shut all the problems of the world away- for a little while. Sometimes I just need a break from the real world and drugs are not an option.

  33. 

    You crack me up … as always! starfishfuck…lol

  34. 

    The best seven inches are those between your ears

  35. 

    I had a thing for Mr. Spock too!

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