Sax Maniac

June 4, 2015 — 93 Comments



I attended Little Dude’s 5th grade band concert yesterday and it might have been the most brutal thing I’ve ever been forced to listen to.

Parents were falling all over themselves to video this debacle. I must be missing some maternal sensitivity chip because I don’t want a shred of evidence of this Cacophony of Horror.

Little Dude plays the sax, and I use the word “plays” lightly.

He’s dreadful. It’s like “Root Canal: The Musical.” I’ve heard him sing, and I thought he had a little bit of a musical ear, but that might be wishful thinking because I come from a musical family. Also, vodka.


Like the pushy Tiger Mom that I am, I drill music into my kid’s head. I want to make sure that he’s at least exposed to some of what I consider to be “the greats” before he rejects it for trendy, soulless dub step.

When we listen to music in the car,  I’m the Most Annoying Parent ever. I’m trying to train his ear. I pull apart the sounds, and have him zero in on certain instruments. As far as I’m concerned, it’s part of his education to fully appreciate the majestic guitar solo at the end of “Hotel California“.

When he was picking an instrument for band, I steered him towards sax. A few weeks ago, we were listening to Lenny Kravitz in the car. Little Dude actually stopped yammering about Minecraft during one of his electrifying sax solos. Afterwards he said, “THAT’S why you want me to learn sax, isn’t it?




Fast forward to the reality.

When I nag my kid to practice, it sounds like Mothra devoured a rural town and is now shitting farm equipment.

Apparently, every kid who plays an instrument in the fifth grade refuses to practice because the sum of them was a horrific violation of sound laws. If there aren’t sound laws, there should be ones that prevent this kind of tuneless caterwauling.

This sounded less like music and more like the agonizing screams of a kitten who accidentally climbed into the radiator fan of your car and was woken up when you turned in the ignition.

I should have prefaced this post by telling you that I have hyperacusis, which is a sensitivity to everyday sounds. It’s a bit of a generalized assessment of my condition, because I particularly have a hard time tolerating tinny or static-y music, off-key singing…

Wow. Maybe I’m just a bitch.

But I also have very pronounced misophonia, which is totally legitimate. It’s an acute reaction to certain low volume sounds and it’s REAL.

The slurping chomping smacking crunching sounds people make when they eat drive me into a blind rage. I have to leave the room when my kid eats cereal or a ceramic bowl will become a lethal weapon.


So, this concert was the equivalent of slow torture. Not just “synth intro to Van Halen’s Jump” annoying. More like the “agonizing sounds of a conscious man getting his head sawed off” horrific. (Stay away from 4chan. You’ve been warned.)

The concert was worse than the cries of a thousand tormented souls. It was worse than the  SSSSKKKKKKKRRRRRRSSSHSHSHCKCKCKKKBRKACKGRAZNCKIRGUSHTERBOFPK of a car accident.

You know how people choose to vacation in the Middle East because it’s cheap and accidentally end up near an active war zone? That’s what this concert sounded like.


I had all but decided that music is just not my kid’s thing. But yesterday in the car, we were listening again to Lenny Kravitz. I asked Little Dude, “Can you hear the influence of the Beatles in Lenny Kravitz’s music?”

He said he did. I persisted. Irritating my kid when he’s trapped in the car is one of my favorite pastimes.

“Please doesn’t just say yes to shut me up. Do you really hear it? Where?”

He listened for a while. And then “I Build This Garden” came on.

“There Mama, right there. This song is very Beatle-ish, like ‘Eleanor Rigby’.”

Damn if he wasn’t right on the money. The song contains driving rock guitar riffs blended with orchestral strings, in a total Beatles sonic tribute.


This was music to my ears.

I’m going to invest in private lessons. And some really good quality ear plugs.


Do you ever force feed your kid stuff, especially if it’s something you love?
Did you come from a musical family? Do you think music is important to kids’ development?
Do you have an aversion to certain sounds?
Do I just bug the crap out of my kid?
Talk to me. I’m listening. 

93 responses to Sax Maniac


    Always funny. Always awesome.

    I worry about these things. About whether to stay hands-off and let my son like whatever he grows up to like. Or whether I have a moral responsibility to make sure he doesn’t like Jeezy and Ke$ha more than… you know. Things that matter.



    Holy crap this is a hilariously great piece. I need to remember to wear my Depends the next time I read one of your posts.



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    First of all, your piece great! But this comment above has me pissing my pants!

    My son had a band concert last year and everything you said is how I felt.


      These spam bots are outta control! I actually approved that comment just for the sheer length of it.
      We do everything for our kids, don’t we? The things we have to sit through. Oy.


    I remember when I was in 5th grade, and in band. We sucked. They did suck. They will be sucking in the future. All the 5th grade band suck. This is hilarious.


    When he was in the womb, I exposed my son to classic rock. My doctor said there was evidence that exposing unborn children to classical music was good for their brains… And, I too am the musical dud in an extremely talented sibling group. As far as noises go, I can’t stand white noise. If you are done with the computer, shut that bitch off!


      “Musical dud”- yep, that captures it perfectly! Thank you!
      Wait. Classic rock is NOT classical music. Hahahaha
      Is your kid a genius? Did it work?!


        He is scary smart… two years old and has a vocabulary of a four year old… perhaps a 10 yr old as he does know what a petroglyph is. I believever his father and I have doomed him to a life of nerdiness. But at least he will have good taste in music.


    Is he in the choir? Wait until you hear the holiday concert. Holy Mother of Mercy.

    Practicing is BORING. Even though it’s awful, you’re smart to get him involved. It’ll pay dividends in the future. And I don’t mean $$$. I wish I’d taken up an instrument. I lost count of how many girlfriends left me for a guitar player.


      Now THAT is what I keep telling him! He’s already noticed that the jocks are really popular with girls. He can play ball, but he’s no jock.
      I told him if he plays guitar, he’ll get all the girls. I dated a LOT of guitar players. I grew out of it, cause they’re always so goddamned broke.

      No choir. Please. Band is enough.


        Did you ever dump me for a guitarist? I don’t recall but it happened so many times it’s possible.


        Anything is possible. I was high for most of the 90’s. I could have had sex with you in Atlantic City and not remember.

        Which makes me sound slutty and you, forgettable – but I’m actually going for a “lost decade” kind of joke.


    Private lessons are the way to go. Expensive but totally worth it. Your ears will thank you.
    Though, I may not be the best source, since I don’t find anything wrong with dub-step…. then again, that could just be the drugs talking.


      Dub step is not the problem – it’s my kid possibly finding a world of good music that worries me!
      So, all of a sudden, he’s into practicing. It’s sheer torture. It’s just such a LOUD instrument. I wish he would go play in the woods somewhere. That’s very cinematic, isn’t it?


    Oh my, did I ever live this post! I come from a very musical family. My brother learned guitar by ear. I was classically trained in vocals and I tried! Tried! To shove, I mean gently guide my boys into a musical direction. I have introduced them to every type of music I could force feed them- and yet they are all about that bass…. irritating.

    My 9 year old wanted to play the violin! The violin, that one instrument I picked up and tried to master and just couldn’t. I was thrilled. Two years I have lived the torture- the strain of letting him practice outside a soundproof room. I prayed each season that he would stop pretending to play during concerts and show more interest… yet he hasn’t.. not a single one- to the point of conveniently forgetting his violin at home on lesson days…

    I have listened with my musical ear, for perfect pitch and the beginnings of vocal strength, only lightly edged in disappointment when it sounds like they are drowning cats when they sing along in the car.

    No… school concerts in general are torture… a bunch of barely train, instrument jumping 5th graders is pure hell! You are not alone- sound sensitive or not! Haha


      I was only thinking of how cool the sax was – not how god-awful the sounds it makes are, when you can’t play it.

      It’s SO frustrating. And the stuff they listen to – wait. Do we just sound like OUR parents? Oh, no. I’m officially old.


    Yep. I did. As usual in all things regarding my barnacle of a 23-y-o, to no avail. He thinks every band that comes on the radio that sing with a British accent is the Beatles. Simple Minds “Don’t You” came on when I picked him up from work one day and he guessed it as a Beatles’ song…

    My music-loving father was probably rolling over in his grave. :/


    Does he like playing the sax?


      He actually does, he just informed me. He really didn’t the whole school year. Something shifted. I’m really happy because playing a musical instrument is so joyful.
      How’s your guitar collection these days? Getting put to good use, I hope?


    Omg Samara I just can’t tell you how much I love this. I am the person sitting in church that is like . Ooops he messed up and people are like what are you talking about he is playing just fine. Nope I heard it. I played the clarinet. I struggled to play it but I loved it. I can’t sing for the life of me but I can tell you if someone is off tune. My daughter actually told me not to sing in the car. Mommy don’t just don’t. We too are super sensitive hearing people too. Not diagnosed with anything special but when you have a kid who has ear tubes. You sort the sounds very quickly. Which is all to say why I am eternally thankful that my daughter employs a music teacher from the local symphony. I won’t say its always great but its not quite as bad as you describe. I probably would have walked out, even if my kid was playing. Or at least I would bring ear plugs to the next one.


      I’m self-diagnosed. I never saw a doctor or anything. I just know that I have misophonia. My kid is clinking his cereal bowl at this very moment and it’s making me feel homicidal. He’s about to eat a peach and I literally have to leave the room.

      I need to get my kid lessons. And ear plugs for Mama.


    It’s so funny I had the same experience with my nephew and his “band concert” of which mercifully we only endured one year. However I was “that aunt” that brought in a bottle of water and passed out valium to my nearest and dearest!
    Since my boy is only 4.5 I am still letting him “decide” if he’s interested. His dad signed him up for karate but never goes. It’s entertaining and painful to watch at times!


      Even valium wouldn’t help this concert. Maybe hard drugs.

      My kid started doing karate around 5, and he was pretty terrible at it, too. That really took years for him to get good. And yes – I have to nag him to practice. *sigh*
      Thanks for reading!


        You are hysterical!
        I know my girlfriend said “give me two”, this would be his mom, I told her it would knock her out “she said I know my drugs now hand them over, I am about to start screaming and may not be able to stop!” I just lost it! She was a concert musician and although proud of her boy for trying, finally told him he needed to find another hobby!
        The things we do for our kids!


    Sax is a hard beast to tame. I’m actually surprised they offer it in elementary school. It would be much better to put them on clarinet first. Most of the fingerings transfer between the two instruments, and the player only neds to adjust to a new embouchure.

    Private lessons will definitely help determine if he has the talent for it AND the desire to practice. Good on you for investing in them AND for exposing him to varied, but related, musical styles. Even if he isn’t a talented player, perhaps he will become a noted musicologist one day!


      I’m so tired I read that as “gynocologist” and I thought, “what the HELL does music have to with the coochie doctor?”

      You sound like you know instruments. What is an embouchure? It sounds like a pastry but I’m guessing that’s wrong.


        Oh, I don’t know. I’d think a smart coochie doctor might put on some Barry White or Marvin Gaye before an exam…if he were a man. No idea what a woman coochie doctor would put on. Nancy Wilson? Brenda Lee?

        Good question. The embouchure is the mouth and facial muscles associated with supporting the lips as they wrap around the mouthpiece (or in the case of the bassoon or oboe, the double reed). It only sounds naughty, so don’t go lighting up a cigarette just yet! It changes depending upon the instrument. The clarinet goes more vertically into the mouth. The sax goes more horizontally. Clear as mud?

        Yeah, I know my way around woodwinds. I played bassoon, sax and clarinet in college, plus one semester on tuba for marching band. Sax is the butt of more musician jokes than most other instruments. It’s a bear to tune (it’s metal and more vulnerable to temperature changes than instruments made of wood) and to control the tone…and to play softly! I’ve seen it, though, in the hands of masters, and it can be played beautifully.


    I loved this – I have an ear for music but my ex, although he plays guitar (sorry Exile) can’t keep a tune. I’m hoping my son has my ear and voice. I’ve been playing all kinds of music to him, and teaching him about influences, for the same reason. Some day I hope he will appreciate music like I do.

    I have vinyl and am taking him on a tour of my Dad’s vinyl collection from the 60s & 70s. We dance in the living room to stuff from the 50s. Just trying to expose him but I really hope he is interested in playing an instrument (he just turned 7).

    All that to say, I get where you are coming from!


      My Ex is tone deaf too. And his idea of good music is disco, like to LISTEN to, not to dance to.
      Who listens to disco? That should have been the first sign of aberrant behavior…


    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA ‘Mothra shitting farm equipment” AhAhAhAhAHAHAAHhhhhhhsaaaaaaaaa

    ^^^ Why I didn’t continue to learn sax…


      My, you’re in a good mood!
      Did you play saxophone? It’s a cool instrument. And now LD seems to really be into it.


        I had a four hour nap. Reckon I needed it. And you made me laugh, which I loved.

        I tried. I fell for it after hearing some BEAUTIFUL sax playing as a teen, and my dear Grandad bought me a sax, but when I tried to play, to my horror, it sounded as though a donkey was being brutalised, and in spite of some lessons (which I could barely afford), the NOISINESS of it, in a tiny house, was too intimidating, so I didn’t practice.

        GO LD though. And Go YOU for being able to withstand the practice. I hope he improves and the whole fandango becomes something rather lovely for you both, in the end.


        The practicing is really the awful part. I wish we could just skip to the future, where he’s actually good.

        I can barely withstand it, trust me. It makes me want to drink lots.
        ‘A donkey being brutalized’ hahaha
        You’re right in the spirit of the post, you are!


        Yeah well I know this one particularly well, having been the kid who knew they were effectively submitting the eardrums of everyone within about a mile’s radius to the musical equivalent of a meat tenderiser.

        I really hope he improves soon, but if he has a passion for it and will succeed, then AWESOME. Roll on that future!


    You are hilarious; I was CLADC (Cackling Like A Drunken Chicken) from “Mothra” on. Speaking of chickens, I always thought that jitterbuggers looked like strutting chickens on the dance floor, but I would jitterbug with you in the blood of any spammy commenter anywhere, anytime. Maybe write “SPAM” and “HEALTER SKELTER” on the walls in their blood also? Okay, I went too far there. Sorry about that.
    Practice helps, I guess, (or it should anyway) though one runs the risk of being Jackson Browne in the basement, working on “Doctor My Eyes” for so long that his upstairs buddy J. D. Souther stated: “I wanted to murder him.” Seems like I remember reading somewhere that Benny Goodman, AFTER he was famous, mind you, practiced some 3-note run for, something like 6 hours or so–long enough to drive his wife out of the house.
    Assuming you’re going to let Little Dude read this post some day? I’m betting he’ll get a big kick out of it.


      Jitterbug in the spammy blood? Or something? You just made my morning.

      I love the music trivia. Jackson Browne drove J.D. Souther to near homicide? Niiiiice. I would also run from the house, probably rubbing cake in my hair, if I had to listen to the same 3 notes for 6 hours. That’s actually a form of torture in the Middle East.


        Yes something like that..GRR my computer is a piece of shit today and ate my first reply, which said that the JD/JB thing was from the Eagles documentary. JD and Glenn Frey lived on the first floor of a house in LA, and their friend JB lived in the basement. JD would hear the teapot go off downstairs, then that song over and over again, then a break for something, then the teapot again and more hours of practice. I guess Browne had the last laugh there because he hit it big first I believe.


    Hahaha! 🙂 One of the rites of parenthood!

    Not a musical bone in my body or my kids’. And after I had to suffer through the endless torture of piano lessons, I wouldn’t make my kids play if they didn’t want to. One wanted, one didn’t.

    My husband doesn’t play any instruments at all, but his music appreciation and knowledge is great: 60s to present, opera, classical. He loves it, but doesn’t want to play an instrument.


      I think musical appreciation is so important. Even if you have no interest in playing an instrument, being able to understand so many different forms of music is fantastic.

      I like classical but I know nothing about opera. Except Madame Butterfly. Doesn’t she die at the end? That’s the extent of my opera knowledge.


    Not just me then…good.


    I played piano, trumpet, sax, blues harmonica…still can…I just don’t…bit of a waste really…farkin’ funny read but.


    Oh, how I love this! I love this especially because you’re this rocker, badass Mama and you STILL have to sit through this crap. Classic. So last year I missed the recital because… four kids. So this year I had three kids (1st, K, K) in the recital playing piano. And I’m like, you can NOT go up on stage and sound like that. (Because they sounded like monkeys at a piano and I didn’t realize that that’s how they’re supposed to sound.) And god heard me and gave us about 27 snow days. My kids practiced, like hard core- Ode to Joy, Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah (in 6/8) and Pop Goes the Weasel (the last one is a bit… ahem, special). As I sat through the recital and heard all the other one-handed, no-timing, teacher-playing-with-me kids, I got really embarrassed. Because my THREE kids were about to rock the recital. And they did. I was such a tiger mom I had heart palpitations by the end. Totally red-faced. Nonetheless… worth it. Ha!
    (Sax was a risky choice, by the way. You know that now, don’t you? May I recommend keyboard with headphones if you have the opportunity for a do-over…)


      Being a rocker-ish mom does not render me exempt from sitting through all the same crap that the other moms sit through! May I remind you that I ran the Trunk or Treat for the PTO? hahaha

      I’m so excited that your kids practiced hard core and sounded great! Who says they have to sound like monkeys at a piano? I love that Leonard Cohen song, by the way.

      When I pushed him towards sax, all I thought about was the great sax players of the music world. I did NOT think about the horror of him practicing. I wonder how the neighbors would take him practicing outside?


        I literally told my husband, “We have to push them towards an instrument that makes a nice sound no matter how stupidly they play it. I will stab myself if the have to sound like crap on a reed instrument for five years.” Although my oldest has been jonesing for drums. Dear god, not that.
        That’s what you can tell yourself. At least it’s not the drums. Ha!
        (And yes to practicing outside. There’s a reason they’re called ‘garage’ bands.)


        WHY didn’t I think about how bad a reed instrument sounds????

        Someone gave my kid a little drum set for his birthday one year, when he was 4 or 5. It mysteriously broke one night while he was asleep.

    momof4istired June 4, 2015 at 9:54 pm

    Oh, friend. I feel you. My daughter plays the mother-trucking FRENCH HORN. Have you heard a french horn solo? No? That’s because no one ever wants to hear it played by itself. And yet every night, that 14 year old of mine dutifully gets it out and blows her own…horn. So I get every word of this. And I’m here to say that it doesn’t get any better but you have reminded me just how much misery loves company (and laughter). So thank you? ❤


    This summer I am giving my kid a project in music history. I made up a list of 100 of what I consider the most influential bands in music no matter the genre – Kinks, MC5, Ziggy Stardust, Velvet Underground, Motörhead, etc – and he has to find their songs on YouTube, Soundcloud etc and write down why he likes or doesn’t like it and why. That way after this summer I never have to bite my tongue when he asks “dad can I get you iTunes password to buy this Nicky Minaj song?” To his credit, one day we were listening to the Doors in my car and he says “is it just me or do I hear Ray Charles in Manzarek’s keyboard?” I had to pull the car over and wipe my tears of joy.


      I SO get that! I, too, would shed tears of joy if my kid actually heard that. Actually, I’d be thrilled if he even knew the name of the Doors’ keyboard player!

      I support that music history project 200%. And I refuse to spend even one dollar on Nicki Minaj songs. I’m not sure I’ve ever even heard one.

      I really want to know how this summer project goes. It totally appeals to the music nerd in me.


    Oh and to answer your other questions, I have to stop myself from punching people in the face when they sneeze because it scares the living shit out of me and I can’t stand the sound of people’s jaws clicking when they chew or the sound peoples throats make when the gulp large quantities of liquids.


      The gulping sound was a major factor in my divorce. The man sounded like he was drowning in his own phlegm everytime he drank something.


    Samara, with your misophonia, why not interest Little Dude in art? it’s much less noisier than any musical instrument, although the sound of an eraser scratching the paper can get a little irritating.
    As for music, I get the feeling that the Little Dude is more interested in being a music critic than a music player…


      He has less artistic talent than musical talent, if that’s possible.
      Thank god he’s smart.
      (the sound of an eraser scratching the paper *shudder*)


    Finally! Finally someone has spoken every moms thoughts aloud. 5th grade sax was bad but 9th grade marching band was worse. Now no one plays the sax and my dog doesn’t have to wince anymore. Love your writings!!


    Samara, sorry about your misophonia. That sounds awful! I totally come from a musical family. My four siblings ahead of me all played musical instruments and my dad played the clarinet. I was the dancing girl! I took dance lessons instead because my music teacher spit at me! My little sister never picked up an instrument, but we all grew up with music, all different kinds of music, blasting from huge speakers!

    I just want to tell you to hold on. My son is now in is third year of music and he’s finally getting it together. The last concert they had this year they actually sounded pretty good and a big improvement from the first one earlier in the year. It just goes to show you how hard music is and to play it all together well, it’s like a miracle. My younger son just started piano. He has the fingers for it. I’m pushing him a bit, because if I didn’t, he’d drop it. We’re supposed to practice 4x a week! Hang in there. It sounds like your son has an ear and love for music.


      Your music teacher SPIT on you? What the hell?

      What instrument does your older son play? I’m going to hang onto your words for hope.


    Kids can’t play instruments for shit. I remember in school all the girls were encouraged/bullied into playing the recorder (which is like a really crap flute), and every so often the rest of the school would be forced to listen to badly-performed renditions of Three Blind Mice.

    Kids are crap actors as well, which is why the Harry Potter film was rubbish. I reckon no bugger would go and watch a sequel if they ever tried to make one.

    With regards to music, I only really listen to dancey rave stuff so the likes of The Beatles and Lenny Kravitz haven’t ever graced my tape decks.


      The recorder IS like a crap flute! hahahaha

      But I’m concerned about all this rave music on your tape deck. Do you go to raves? Do they still have raves? Do people get all messed up on drugs at these raves?

      Inquiring minds want to know.


        I missed the heyday of illegal raves by a good 10 years or so, but I’ve been to a few legit ones, and yes they still go on!

        Some people like to get messed up, but certainly not all. I’ve done it both ways and had immense fun each time.


        I want to go to a rave with you. That is all.


    OMG, Samara. This was frickin’ hilarious! I totally can relate. My kids’ school concerts made me want to stick pins in my eyes before jumping off the nearest bridge. Excrutiating! It looks like Little Dude is on the right path to appreciating good music and hopefully improving his playing skills. I hope your toothache is better! 🙂


      It’s so NOT better! I have to have my wisdom tooth out later today, and then a root canal on Tuesday.

      I have a low threshold of pain, and a high sense of drama. Help!

    Shards Of DuBois June 5, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    don’t waste your money on ear plugs, get those big ass ones the guys who weed eat use??? they block it all out! lol and this was just a thought, hope I don’t offend you in any way, and understand I am not making light of any child abuse you went through, but maybe your mother had the same ear issue you do! screaming kids can drive even the kindest mother to murder!! I know I came close… repeatedly! 🙂


      You know, that’s a possibility, although I remember very little about my childhood (I blocked it out haha) so I don’t know if we were screaming all the time.

      She worked a lot, and left us to watch over one another, which was very common back in those days. That’s when all hell would break loose!

      The guys who “weed eat”? Please elaborate on that.

        Shards Of DuBois June 6, 2015 at 2:06 pm

        lol the ones who do landscaping, mowing, etc, they wear those big head phones that cover your ears. good luck, and yes, keep him playing for now, even if he’s no good, music enriches everyone!! and ps, you’re a good mommy! 🙂


    I love it. I torture my tenor sax once in awhile myself. Lol. There was a story in my childhood about playing sax, but it can stay there. I was laughing pretty good through the thing. Hopefully he’ll get somewhere beyond the Godzilla Wail someday. BTW, I am still thinking about that Batman poem thing in the other post. He should tell his grandchildren about that…



    When I first fell in creepy stalker-ly love with you I was high on your amazing writing and your Lenny Kravitz references. (and it’s so freeing to be able to admit that I was your first stalker… suck it, Briton)

    Yes. I do this with my kids. Just not as well as you do. I make them guess the artist when I have music on in the car. My son is really good at it and always plays along. He can spot Pink Floyd and Hendrix and Zeppelin from a mile away. My daughter (she’s the smart-ass one) will answer with things like “Coldplay” when it’s the Beatles. Damn her, she knows how to get under my skin…

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. Things They Can’t Say - June 5, 2015

    […] Since I cringed when my oldest brought home a recorder, I laughed my way through Samara’s account of her son’s band concert in Sax Maniac. […]

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