Sometimes, people leave us without a word as to why. And the ‘not knowing’ is almost worse than their absence.
My dear friend Cinnamon is going through this. And it was suggested to her by one of her friends that she pick her own ending.
Her friend referenced The Big Bang Theory – the episode where Wolowitz’s father has left. And all of his friends write letters explaining to Wolowitz why, so he can pick his own ending.
Here is the scene.
So, that’s what we are doing. Cinnamon’s friends are writing her letters, to offer her closure. This loving, sparkly glitter girl deserves no less.
Right now, as I sit to write this, I am so connected to you, I can feel your pain. Or rather, the mingling of both of our pain.
I wish I had the courage to look into your eyes, or hear your voice.
I do not.
But I can offer you this – my truth, in the words I write here.
I know how hard your life has been.
Your heart has been shattered, and riddled with bullet holes. The fact that you chose me to help heal it – to let me in, to trust me – was nothing short of astonishing. Being loved by you, and allowed to love you back, has been one of the most beautiful experiences of my life.
It was too much for me, Babygirl.
I was afraid of how much I loved you.
Afraid that I could not be that person who was finally worthy of your trust. I was afraid that I could never be the man you deserve, the one who would restore your faith in love.
And so I left. And now the stuffing has fallen out of the holes in your heart.
I wish I could say I’m coming back. And that I’ll make this up to you. But I’m not, and I can’t.
Fear is the opposite of love, and unfortunately, at this moment, fear is winning.
I’m so sorry, my sweet Babygirl. l love you so much. Too much.
I know there’s a light in your eyes that is gone now, because of what I did. And I don’t know if you’ll ever get that back.
But my precious girl, you’ll get a different light.
Keep moving towards that light, Cinnamon, my love. For me.
Love all ways and always,
Have you ever had someone you love leave without closure?
Talk to Cinnamon. Gently. She’s listening.