Sleepaway Camp Sucks

July 4, 2015 — 83 Comments

sleepaway-camp 5

My kid left for sleepaway camp Wednesday morning.

It’s the first time he’s going for the whole summer

It’s also the first time he didn’t want us to drive him. He wanted to take the bus. With his friends. 


I think I may be overly attached to my kid. We have that unique ‘mother-son’ bond.

I’m not saying the other filial bonds aren’t as strong. The mother-son connection is a very specific relationship, just as the others are. For me, it’s “I’d walk through fire for this kid” strong.


Sleepaway camp is a Thing. You either grew up with it, or you didn’t. And if you didn’t (like me) it’s hard to understand why people are such slavish devotees. It’s practically a cult, and I’m no stranger to cults.

My Ex grew up going to sleep away camp, so naturally he wanted our son to experience it. I knew Little Dude would either love it or hate it. There’s no in between.

The first year we were considering it, we were with a few other families at one of our houses.

I said,”Sleep away camp! That’s where kids learn every filthy thing they know! That’s where slutty little camper girls give boys BLOW JOBS!”

The dads all looked at one another.

“Where do we sign UP?!”


Little Dude was only 8 years old when he went for 2 weeks that first summer.

Do I even have to TELL you what a basket case I was? We don’t have family near by, so my kid had never slept out of the house before. I waited all of two hours before checking on him. I called the camp every hour until 9 pm when they politely but firmly informed me that my son was FINE, but maybe I should calm the fuck down?

When he returned home, my kid, for first and only time, said he hated me – hated US. The culture shock of returning to genteel society after two weeks of living in the woods like a wild hyena had disoriented and confused him.

And he wanted to stay longer.

And so, a sleepaway camper was born.


That summer, he got up the next morning and for the first time, picked out clothes himself and came downstairs dressed.

Hmmm.  Perhaps…there is good in this?

For Little Dude, it’s utter freedom. No one to bug him about table manners or picking up his socks. It’s a majestic camp ground in gorgeous woods with a spectacular lake and every activity a kid would want to do in the summer. It’s heaven on earth.

But OH MAH GOD he comes home filthy. I’m a germaphobe. I won’t even let him unpack his bags in my house. We unpack in the garage, and his mildewed musty laundry goes straight into the washing machine. Twice. While I douse all his bags with Lysol.

The first year, I wanted my kid to strip down in the driveway while I hosed him off, but my ex refused to let me, citing that as “cruel” because our hose only has cold water.

The second year, my kid went for a whole session, which is a month. He came home tan and fit and blissful.

And with impetigo. Ugh.

Last year when we went to see Little Dude on visiting day, he was in the infirmary with a virus. He was so ill we brought him home to see his pediatrician. She insisted we take him immediately to the ER. He was admitted to the hospital, and after a day, was transported by screeching ambulance to a bigger hospital with a pediatric oncology department.

You think I’ve survived some bad shit? It was all a cake walk compared to thinking my kid might have lymphoma. I spent 4 days in a pediatric oncology ward while they ran endless tests on my baby.

Lotta sick kids in that ward.

I’m just going to take a moment here to acknowledge how grateful I am that my son is healthy.





The doctors eventually diagnosed it as Mesenteric Lymphadenitis, a swelling of the lymph nodes in the intestines. It’s caused by a virus, but no one else from camp had gotten sick. It was mysterious and terrifying, as illness often is.

You think a scare like that might intimidate a kid, but mine has been chomping at the bit to get to camp since May.


This year, we decided my son would go for the whole summer. I have to pack up our house and move into a new place before school starts. It’ll be easier if he’s away.

Some parents do a crazy happy dance when their kids go off to camp. Not me.

Yes, I do get to go out and do All The Things. I travel, see friends. Write. But I miss my kid.


This year I’m really struggling.

The night before Little Dude left, I cooked his favorite meal – fajitas- and we watched a great documentary – Fresh Dressed. It’s about the evolution of hip hop culture in New York. I probably dug the fact that my kid was into this movie as much as I dug the movie itself.

He left on Wednesday morning and I didn’t speak to anyone, aside from Lizzi, for two days. I let phone calls go into voice mail. I took a break from Facebook and found out they had disabled my account for having a pseudonym. I didn’t care.


My house is usually so noisy. My kid talks constantly. Always has friends over. Blasts music. Plays XBox online so it sounds like there’s an army of psychopaths killing hookers in my basement.

It’s so quiet. I can hear the walls breathing.

My Ex stopped by this morning, to make sure I was eating (I was not) and not pining for my son (I was). I got my ass out of the house and bought some groceries. Sad little single-person groceries.


I didn’t speak to anyone because I wanted to lean into this sadness and explore it. I have never missed him like THIS before.

Yes, it’s the first time my kid will be away an entire summer.

It’s also the end of his childhood home. We’ll be in a new place. The last vestiges of our happy family will be wiped away forever. I know it’s a fresh start, and one I need – but it’s also tremendously sad. My kid will never be a toddler walking around this house again.


It’s the end of an era.


Eventually, I’ll embrace all that this means for the both of us.

But for now, I’m just going to feel how it feels to say goodbye to the little boy and the house he grew up in.


Little Dude

That face.



Do you have a kid who goes away during the summer?
Can you imagine missing your child like this?
I should be having debauched bacchanalian blowouts in my house all summer.  Are you available?
Talk to me. I’m listening.

83 responses to Sleepaway Camp Sucks


    FRIST! Fristy fristy FRIST!


    Ohhhhmigosh I love, love, love him. THAT FACE!

    But here’s the thing, Precious – you’re giving him such wonderful parenting the rest of the year while he’s with you, that he is happy and confident and secure enough to GO to summer camp and stay there and have fun, and know that you will be there when he comes back, and that your relationship will grow ever stronger for him gaining independence and perspective that you can’t give him – from having time where he has to take some responsibility for his own self.

    What you’re doing is parenting FABULOUSLY because you are encouraging and nurturing his independence in a manner which will be safe whilst allowing him to take risks and make mistakes which won’t be nightmares. This is a HUGE learning opportunity for Little Dude, and he will always always be your baby boy and he will always be your heart, BUT you’re doing what a parent is meant to do, and you are raising him to be a capable, autonomous, critically-thinking being who can DO LIFE!

    Which makes you rather a rockstar, don’t you think?

    Embrace the silence. And keep talking to me 🙂 We can start planning our library…


      I knew you were going to tell me what a fabulous mom I am! Thank you for always believing in me- even when I don’t believe in myself.

      LD loves going – for that reason alone, how can I not send him? He gets to be such a BOY, covered in dirt, telling endless fart jokes – all the stuff that would make a mom crazy.

      But he’s not my baby boy anymore, Lizzi. He’s not.
      That FACE. Huge eyes, long lashes, pouty lips, pudgy pink cheeks. He was so adorable. Wasn’t he?


        He was…and having seen now-him, I can say with full confidence, that he is STILL so adorable,


        He is, but in a different way!

        It’s strange. His eyes are exactly the same.
        But his nose has totally changed shape.

        Lord, I miss this child. Haha
        Let me stop now.


        He will continue to change as he grows, and you will continue to miss him when he’s away, but gradually it will become more okay, because it means he’s succeeding at becoming independence.


    I was not a camp boy – I felt like that was something for white kids to enjoy. My girls are half white, but so far have gone 0-for-summer camp in 17, 14 and 10 years.

    I’m up for the blowouts – but I’d probably show up in a silky shirt with a bottle of rum, and sit on the couch hugging a pillow talking with you about how much we all miss our kids.


      I’m SO happy to see you here! Hey there!

      That silky shirt and bottle of rum sounds fabulous. I’m up for some kid anecdotes, as long as we’re telling them drunkenly.

      A silky shirt, eh? Intriguing…


    Every time my kids borrow my underwear because they are as big as me now and theirs are so dirty they had to be incinerated, I cry a little. Time, when it comes to pain and loss, has been such a friend, but when it comes to my kids has been a cruel bastard for letting them grow up so quickly. I don’t think I’ll ever adjust. Every time I say “hey, you wanna get some ice cream” and they don’t jump for joy like they did when they were nine, but say “nah dad” I want to run to the kitchen and stick my head in the oven.


      If my kid ever asked to borrow my underwear, I’d be seriously shocked. Although I suppose I’d have to embrace that, too.

      Time IS a cruel bastard when it comes to kids. You mean, in a few years my kid isn’t going to want to go get ICE CREAM? What craziness is that?

      Now I want ice cream, dammit.


      I don’t understand how anyone can ever not want ice cream, however old they are. But if there’s any going spare I’ll volunteer 🙂


    My kids go to summer camp. They get out of school in mid may and leave for camp the first of June. They don’t come home until 2days before school starts in August. I’m one of those parents who does a happy dance when they are gone lol.


      It’s probably because you have more than one kid. I only have one, and I think I try and suck the life out of the experience of motherhood by latching on unhealthily to my son!

      Okay, that was supposed to be a joke, but as I was typing it, it didn’t seem funny…


    “Sad little single-person groceries”-ha! It’s okay to get drunk before noon on Independence Day, isn’t it, and drown my sad little single-person sorrows? Thanks for the chuckle. This (long summer) too shall pass.


      It’s okay to get drunk starting at about 9 am, as far as I’m concerned. I don’t really drink much, or I’d join you.

      Can we have a toast together with me taking a xanax?


        Here’s to you! Well, maybe in a couple hours–have been holding off because I don’t feel like it yet plus it sucks to wake up on the couch at sunset after passing out before supper, then try to party with the neighbors when i’m all sleepy and boring and hungover. Not good


        HA! another point when I think about my boy going for a bit over a week with his dad – the groceries go wayyyy down and I become sad little single girl pining for her bebe! I then take a valium and watch bad TV!


    I never went for a whole summer… But that sounds amazing. I’d like to do that now. And, yes, I learned so many wonderful/terrible things at camp.
    The debauchery sounds pretty good too.
    Can I sign up for both?
    Though, if I show up at your place, you’ll probably make me help you move…


      Of course it sounds amazing to you! You love all that outdoorsy stuff.

      How about this. You show up, we dabble in a little debauchery, and THEN you help me move? I’ll spring for the VRBs…


        Well, vrb’s do seal the deal.


        You might be the only person I would drink those with. I feel like you and I have been taking about them for so long, it would only make sense.


        We’d have to, yes. To bring it full circle. Plus, I’m the best to drink them with anyway.


        I honestly hope we can make that happen some day.

        You were one of my very first blogging friends. One of the very first I ever spoke to on the telephone.

        Big, GIGANTIC sentimental bloggy love coming, at you, WHOMP!!


        *picking himself off the ground* You’ve got to warn me before you love attack me like that…
        I’m sure I’ll be headed to the east coast before too long. Maybe we can set up a rendezvous… What’s halfway between central Pennsylvania and where you are?


        Amish country, I think?

        You know what would be fun? Skyping. Little Dude would have a blast being silly with the Prince.

        Love attack. That’s exactly how I was feeling. Like hurling a big huge clump of love your way. 😊


        Skyping? Yeah. We can do that. Sounds like fun.


    From 4th grade to 10th grade I attended a week or two of churchy camps, which were cool because at home I was just an average kid but in a totally Jesufied environment I was Alpha Chuck, one of the coolest, one of the best athletes, the whole born again enchilada. Never got a blowjob, though there was this girl who skipped out of Vespers with me every night for some serious dry humping under the giant metal cross on the hill–Praise The Lord! Starting in 8th grade, my mom also sent me to two different residential basketball camps, on college campuses, no girls enrolled but the locals always seemed to know. Now that my own kids are quickly maturing, I have to admit that I selfishly never considered sending them away for a large portion of the summer–this childhood thing has gone too swiftly and I cherish every day of it–even as I’m encouraging them to call some friends and “go do something” so I have a few moments to chase Mrs. Junk around the house a few times. I have friends who sent their kids to a summer-long camp, and I think “don’t you miss them?” I’ve shipped my kids off for 3 or 4 days at a time, and I’d give ’em a week if they asked, but all summer? I’m too greedy–couldn’t do it.


      I actually said “no” to the whole summer. But my kid looked so sad. So I gave in.

      Now I wish I’d been more selfish. Who’s going to go with me to all the kid movies this summer???


    Happy independence day, Samara! Speaking of which…, America was also once only too happy to get away from Britain to a sleepaway camp in the wilderness, and now it’s closer to Britain than tp anyone else. (Except Canada, maybe, who’s been to the same camp, but a little later).


    Time to cut the apron strings Mom. Just wait until he discovers girls and starts driving. You’ll never see him. Enjoy the independence and the time you have him around when he’s there.

    Happy July 4th!


      Hmmm. Interesting. I’m embracing his independence – on Independence Day!

      Please don’t mention Little Dude driving. That’s a parental nightmare. As for girls…someone will have to explain condoms to him. I nominate you.


    Oh man I looooooved summer camp. Dirty jokes, playing capture the flag, fist fights, eating in a mess hall, swimming and canoeing, and living wild in the wild. It is so vital that a boy do these things and these will be some of the best memories of his life. And in doing this he is carving out his own identity that is going to be able to create on his own. This will do wonders for his confidence and, when it is time to leave the nest, he’ll be ready and willing.


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    That face, that handsome face. I love camping, except for the bugs. Nature is the best. I’m happy he survived what must have been a painful ordeal. It is an end of an era, but the beginning of a new one. Change always is…


      I love to hike and I love the outdoors. But I don’t like sleeping in a bag on the ground. That’s how you get eaten by bears. Ask Matticus! He’s had a few encounters with bears!

      Yes, new beginnings. Soon I’ll be able to see it that way. I just need another day or two…


    My daughter used to go on vacation for two weeks at a time, during the summer and I loved it. But last August, at the age of 20, she moved out. In her own apartment. Without me. I cried myself to sleep, every night for 3 weeks. Every. Single. Night. She moved 7.2 miles away and works less than two miles from my house. It’s just hard. Especially when it’s only the two of you. My house seemed big and quiet when she was gone.

    It gets easier. I promise. xoxo

    Have some sex. That is what helped me. 🙂


      Hi there! Have you visited my blog before? My brain is in “summer mode” at the moment and I’m fuzzy.

      I bet that really sucked to have her move out. But KUDOS that she did! I know kids in their late 20’s still living at home. As much as it’s hard for you, I appreciate her independence!

      Have some sex? Hmm. Are you offering? *wink wink*


        I have been reading your blog for a while, but had to create a new blog myself due to some stalker issues, and not a good stalker. 🙂

        I may be offering! I don’t rule anything out! Haha. 😉


        Ugh! I had a stalker issue- my Ex! He created a fake WordPress account just so he could comment on blogs I read- that were written by men!
        He also created a fake facebook account and friended me and 25 of my friends before I caught on.

        I’m a GOOD stalker *peeks into Andi’s window*


    You are such a great mom. I was not a kid who got to go away to sleep away camp. We were poor, and that was a rich kid privilege. I know he’s having a blast, and when he comes home, he’s going to get to start fresh too. As much as you love his toddler home, you both will love this new home, the home where you’ll make memories, just the two of you, and those memories will be just as sweet and endearing as the walking toddler ones. I have no doubt. The older he gets, the better. Am I wrong?


      He does get to be more and more awesome all the time – but I hear that stops in middle school – “the dark years” – when he will plot to kill me in my sleep.

      Yes, I hope to make new memories in our new home. I’m just indulging in a sentimental walk down memory lane. xoxo


    I felt this. Every word. I miss you on FB! I get the need to hide away, though. I do the same thing. I hope by the end of the Summer you find some value in your solitude. I hope you find a peaceful place there.

    And YAY on starting the next phase! This is exciting. I know it’s hard to let go, but the truth is, we do not have a choice and it’s happier to embrace the change and be excited than to mourn the past. (says the woman whose baby boy is starting his senior year).


    Well SOME of us care that your Facebook page was nixed 😦


      Ohhh! I’m so happy you stopped by!!

      I needed a Facebook break, ya know? It’s been fabulous, except for missing friends.

      You know what I miss most? Our group. It’s become my daily touchstone. I’m going to have to put together a new profile so I can hang out with my tribe.
      Love you xoxo.


    We miss you on Facebook…not quite the same thing. I have a 50/50 share with my ex and they sometimes go for two weeks with him in the summer. I hate it. Feeling for you.


      Aww, I miss my facebook family too! I needed the break from social media but didn’t anticipate how much I would miss the people.

      50/50, eh? But they go for 2 weeks in the summer? Sounds more like 80/20, with you being the 80. 🙂

      Thanks for visiting me here. It means so much to me that you did.


    So, not sure as I start where I am going with my comment. I’m a camper, for sure. My older brother went to overnight camp for a few years and it sounded so cool and so fun (not to mention we overlapped two years) that I was pumped to check out this place he always talked about. I ended up at overnight camp as a camper, CIT, and counselor for 10 years, before my college study abroad program interfered with the dates. I met some great people that I’m still in touch with, got closer to others I already knew, and explored and got to know myself on a level I had never done before. I could see what I was capable of without my parents standing over my shoulders, could learn knew things (and yes, as you mentioned, some things were the kinds of things only older brothers should teach…), but all under the watchful eyes of staff that had also gone through it and therefore understood when we had difficulties, some that were parents’ themselves working in another capacity at camp, and yes, 7 years later, I still talk to my old campers, as well as my former counselors from when I started in the 90s. Camp is hard, I’m sure, for parents, but I promise it will make your son so much more well-adjusted in the long run. (And just think, when/if he goes away for college, he’ll be more independent, a better packer, and better at sharing space with a roommate than any of his non-camp peers…I know I was!)


      Oh, what a glorious comment! It’s a ringing endorsement for sleepaway camp- all the positive stuff parents love hearing!

      My kid can’t wait to be a counselor on “Teen side.” Those kids look like they’re having the time of their lives. A pretty much unsupervised summer in the woods with all your teenage buddies?
      Oh yeah. I get it.


    THAT is the cutest picture ever! Those lips! Awww….I am sure it’s harder on you than on him. I am sure he is having a blast. I hate to tell you but this sadness comes back to haunt you when they go to college. 😦

    Speaking of camps, my daughter is a counselor/lifeguard/swim instructor at a beautiful camp in the Berkshires, MA this summer. The place is gorgeous and makes me wish I could go. She and two other counselors are responsible for 15 twelve-year old girls in their bunk. She is loving it because she feels like she finally got to go to sleep over summer camp.

    You’ve got a lot of big changes coming up. Take your time to mourn and reflect and soon you will be making new happy memories with your baby! Hugs! 🙂


      He does have the cutest, poutiest lips ever, right?

      I can’t even think about college. I know I wrote in one of my recent posts that I was once nursing my son when he was an infant and crying about him going off to college…

      The Berkshires are gorgeous! I’ve heard that the counselors at camp have as much of a ball as the campers. More, even!


    I am dreading the thought of sleep away camp! The boy is only 4, ok almost 5, but still it kills me when he is at his dad’s for almost 2 weeks (thus far 11 days was the longest and ohmarymotherofgod did almost loose my shit!).
    I Feel You!
    I am told by well meaning friends when he is gone, “go, get out, party!” Yeah, do you know me?! I did the party scene long ago, And although I look fabulous I am an Old mama and the last time I was in a bar I looked around and though, “if I had done like the majority of my friends, one of these kids could be mine.” I was totally freaked out for 2 days lol!
    I did do several sleep away camps (church related mostly – we also got busted for playing strip poker but it could not be proven lol!) and have to say it did build up my confidence and give me experiences I wouldn’t have had and I owe it to my parents for making me strong enough and confident enough to go… This means you freaking ROCK as a parent!
    I hate moving. It BLOWS and I feel your pain of moving out of the home where Little Dude grew up. However try, better with zanax for you valium for me, to remember the GOOD and NEW start you are getting. That’s it’s the whole moving on up thing!
    Good luck my friend.
    Thinking about you and missing my boy too!


      Awww! Where is your boy? At his dad’s?

      I think you have that same mother/son thing that I have. It’s a connection you feel in your marrow.

      And its so nice to hear how much you loved sleepaway camp. Everytime someone tells me a story like that, I’m reminded that I’m doing the right thing…


        Yes he is but I have him back! I get all crazy when he’s gone – let’s just say “co-parenting” is a challenge! He will go away again next month and I will become psychotic as per usual and that’s ok. Yes even at his young age he gets that mommy is Always the one there. Our bond is close and I get told all the time “One day he will just leave” but I don’t believe all that BS. Yes I want him independent one day, but he will Always be my baby!
        And sleep away camp really was awesome. I think I was about 8 the first time I went and went off and on until I was about 16!
        Thinking about him doing that scare me and makes me think of plans to spy on him to make sure he’s ok! I’m so sure the camp wouldn’t like me much!
        Just breathe, clean/pack and if all else fails Xanax!


    How cute is that photo!

    “We don’t have family near by, so my kid had never slept out of the house before.”

    No sleepover at friend’s house? We have this at least once a moth and my friends being a host hate it LOL. Kids love it of course.

    Washing machine twice? ;-)) We decided that once at 95 degrees is fine.
    Wish you all the best for the next weeks.


      He hadn’t slept out at a friend’s house when he was 8. Boys arrive at this a little later than girls, I think? He does sleepovers all the time now.

      Thanks for your good wishes! I hope your summer is going nicely. xoxox


    My sincere apologies for missing this on the Fourth. I was in the middle of a mini-bender with old college friends.

    1. I like when you let the walls down a little. This is beautiful.

    2. Amazing job working a legit “blow job” tag into an authentically sweet post about your child.

    3. I hope LD has a rad time at camp and that you’re able to find fun things to do, and take joy in his.

    I spent every summer from age 5 through high school graduation visiting my father 500 miles away.

    My mother hated it. But the silver lining, she said, was that she was mentally and emotionally equipped to deal with me leaving the house for college while many other mothers were not. And she always felt grateful for that.

    For whatever that’s worth.

    Please have fun (and be safe) doing All The Things. xoxo


      Matt! Please don’t apologize for having a life outside blogging! I’m glad you had a mini-bender. Hope you write about it.

      My kid is having the time of his life. That’s really all that matters. Thanks for reading. xox


    First… OMG I have missed you! I felt a great disturbance in the force when you disappeared! Then, your blog wouldn’t let me comment & I couldn’t figure it out until I settled my crazy ass down, talked my girlie heartbreak crush self off the bridge, and realized there was this little thing that looked like handcuffs er… chain links at the bottom of your post. Voila! I wasn’t blocked! I was just being dumb!
    Second, my dear sister from another mister, my podling is only two, but I can’t handle the thought of anyone keeping him over night, much to the chagrin of his doting Memaw… Sleep away camp is not something I ever did… the Smizmar did church camps. Um, no thanks… don’t want to deal with a holy fervor when he comes back. So, I think I will keep mine to myself, my own little Norman Bates…
    Third, I am sorry your having a tough time moving. I find it odd how attached we all can get to homes. When we sold our last house, which I hated with the fire of 10,000 Sriracha bottles poured into an eye socket, I bawled for days. I never liked that house! And paying double housing payments for almost a year before it sold was a nightmare. I should have felt relief, but only sadness. However, we have made new, and just as precious memories in the new place, as will you. Our adventures now are small compared to the past, but that doesn’t mean they are less memorable. Congratulations on your new adventure… and don’t disappear on me again. This tame and sweet girl crush will turn into a Glenn Close fiasco. 😉


    Reblogged this on mightyprinz and commented:
    mightyprince ‏@mightyprinz Jun 26

    Researcher, Blogger, Television Host, Lip Dubber, Dong Lord. You’re beautiful.


    I was wondering why you’d disappeared from FB! I’m sorry you’re missing LD, hopefully you both have a great summer and he comes home ready for some good ol’ mama time. Good luck with the move, lady. xoxoxo


      Speaking of mama time, how are you and your gorgeous little man? Hope your family is enjoying this precious first summer together.


        We are doing great, thank you! If the crappy NJ humidity would calm down I’d be able to take him out more often, but we’re still managing to get some family time in there. Back to work for me soon…and I’ll no doubt cry my first 8 hours away from him. I hope YOU have a wonderful summer, my love. 🙂


    You made me cry now and I totally relate to this!! 😦


      Awww. Really?

      I made myself cry, too. I can’t even look at this post and his little baby face without crying.
      We’re such mushes. thank you for reading. xoxo

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