A SLUT, A WHORE, A BLOGGER, A MOM

September 22, 2014 — 219 Comments

slut

 

 

I may incite the rage of many people, in this day of sexual harassment, objectification of women and rape culture. But I’m going to say it.

I’M A SLUTTY WHORE. 

Jarring? Perhaps. If you don’t feel something when I write, then I’m doing it wrong.

 

Is it bad to be a slutty whore? When did that happen?

I thought that whole stifled sexuality thing went out in the 50’s. By 1969, wanton Woodstock nymphos were taking on bushy haired bohemians two at a time in the mud at Yasgur’s farm, urged on by Country Joe and the Fish.

He spelled out F-U-C-K to the crowd. They did it.

They just don't make rock festivals like they used to

They just don’t make rock festivals like they used to

 

They were slutty whores.

I love being a slutty whore.  Not being labeled one by others.

ON MY TERMS.

The words “slut” and “whore” are aggressive. But I will not let society control me with the use of these words.

Being labeled “slutty whore” by others is abhorrent. In a patriarchal society, there is an inherent danger in these words. Because these words support Rape Culture. Blaming the victim is the dark side of the American Way.

There are compelling reasons to support sensitivity around the use of these words; why feminists fight against the use of these words.

Sexual harassment is UGLY. Objectifying women is UGLY.

.

Still, I’M A SLUTTY WHORE.

And simultaneously, a card carrying feminist.

I’m wholly independent, and always have been. I’ve supported myself since I was 16 years old, and support a child as well. On my own.

If that’s not female empowerment, in a world where not only are women competing against men for jobs, but where we are all competing in a global environment for gainful employment, than nothing is.

 

I’m not always a slutty whore. In this moment, I’m in a thick fluffy purple bathrobe and slippers.

I’ve just fed Little Dude homemade chocolate chip cookies and milk, and he’s doing his homework while I write. I’m in full-on Mom Mode.

bathrobe-cocktails 2

Homework really fucks with Mama’s cocktail hour

 

But later on, tonight maybe? Will I be a slutty whore?

Hopefully.

 

There are many situations in which being a slutty whore is a positive thing.

1. In Bed with Your Man (or Woman)

Here is where you should be the sluttiest whore you can. This is a key component to sheet ripping sex.

If you love the person, all the better. Extra credit if you’re married. Triple extra credit if you’ve been married 10 years or more.

Can you imagine couples married for 20 years with enough fire in the relationship for the wife to want to be a slutty whore in bed? That’s extraordinary. It’s a 2-decade hot and heavy romance, and that is PURE GOLD.

 

2. Going Out/Escaping Real Life

When I was in my 20’s, I went out clubbing in New York all the time, and yes, I frequently dressed like a slutty whore. That’s what your 20’s are for.

These days, I’m a working mom. I’m in total denial about my age, which is somewhere between 30 and none of your business. I rarely go out, and when I do, Saturday nights at Applebee’s is not the forum for a slutty outfit.

BUT – don’t we all, even just once in a great while, need to put on a costume and play at being something we’re not? Don’t we all occasionally need that brief respite from being a Parent and a Grown Up and a Super Responsible Human Being?

Last December, I saw Patti Smith perform at a club in New York. I was meeting up with college friends I hadn’t seen in 22 years.

I went all out and dressed goddamned slutty to pay homage to my High Priestess of Rock.

I wore black, skin-tight, low-cut clothing and high-heeled, over the knee black boots.

THESE BOOTS WERE NOT MADE FOR WALKING

These boots were NOT made for walking

 

Little Dude actually blocked the door.

“MOM! You can’t leave here LOOKING like that!”

It was the first time he’d ever seen Mama look like a rap video ho, and he did not like it one bit. He’s fine, now that I’m back in the fuzzy bathrobe. Hopefully, he hasn’t been scarred for life.

 

3. Shopping For Lingerie.

My college BFF fought a brutal battle against breast cancer. An entire year of pure torture. But she fought like an amazon warrior. She recently had her reconstruction done, and we went online and ordered a cornucopia of bras. A lot of them were super charged, high octane slutty bras that say,

“HELLO, WORLD. CHECK THESE PUPPIES OUT. I’M ALIVE, AND I’M HERE.”

Because if ever a woman needs to feel that way, it’s her after what she endured this past year.

Her boobs will damn sure be saying "Hello!"

Her boobs will damn sure be saying “Hello!”

 

4. Writing.

I’m not talking about writing erotica (although by all means, do. Whatever tickles your pickle.) I’m talking about using those words when you write.

“Slutty whore” is an incredibly evocative phrase. When you write, “I was such a slutty whore when I was in high school,” we know JUST the girl you were.

Words inform the mind.

They thrill and excite, kindle the flame, affect as powerfully as physical actions.

Wordplay is life. Handle with care, but USE them.

 

5. Out With the Girls

It’s like African Americans using the N-word. Outside the community, it’s a racial slur. Inside the community, it’s an expression of solidarity. My girlfriends and I have reclaimed those words, and if we want to banter with them, by God, we will.

They’re multiple meaning words. We can use them to express appreciation or dismay. For example:

“Ooh! Where did you get THOSE, you whore?” might be said to my girlfriend who has on the perfect pair of stiletto ankle boots.

“WHORE!” I might say to the same girlfriend, when she shows up 30 minutes late for coffee.

Any excuse to use a Regina George reference.

 

To use these terms pejoratively is one thing.

But to describe yourself that way in a celebration of your own uninhibited freedom;

to rejoice in the escape from your everyday world of work/mom/PTO drudgery;

to bond with friends in an exclusive language that allow you to metaphorically take back the night;

to be evocative with words; words – the lifeline that connects this cherished community online comrades;

Right now, I’m not a slutty whore.

I’m a writer.  And I want to know how you feel about those words. 
Talk to me. I’m listening. 

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219 responses to A SLUT, A WHORE, A BLOGGER, A MOM

  1. 

    You. hoo boy. So glad I found you.

  2. 

    Remember the Slut Walks from a few years ago? Hell yeah, Sister! And I get all kinds of extra credit because of #1 (15 years as of this Thursday) and it’s still ON. 🙂 These words don’t bother me at all if they are used in the right context (as you explained). But as far as writing them or blogging about them? That’s where I struggle. I am still Ms Prim and Proper in front of strangers. It’s when I’m with my girlfriends and people I’m close to that I can let it all hang out. My blog is still a little guarded. That’s why I’ll save my saucy stuff for The Sisterwives… *must get to writing saucy stuff*

    • 

      Yes, please do write us saucy! Or anything, really. We’ll publish anything you write!

      I love words. And while I understand the feminist perspective on these words, I also feel like its a male-dominated mind set that made these words “bad” in the first place. For me, they’re fun ways to describe so many things, one of which is being uninhibited sexually. NOT screwing a million guys.

      I love seeing your face. Here, on your blog, or on Facebook. It’s all good. You are loved.

  3. 

    I’m a slutty whore. And a Mom. And a wannabe blogger.

  4. 

    Just repeating what a lot of people have said – this is brilliant and honest.

  5. 

    Ha! I can’t think of anything better to say than has been said in lots of the comments already (not that I’ve read ALL the comments, but some good stuff in the ones that I read) but just wanted to say that I love this post and it made me smile a lot, and thank you for not being afraid to say the things that lots of us think but are too afraid to say! (I put that badly, but, you know!).

    • 

      Oh, YAY! I just get so excited when you turn up to comment *giggles excitedly like a groupie*

      You didn’t put that badly at all. I enjoyed writing this post because I love playing with words. To disallow them is as bad as giving them negative connotations, I think.

      Happy fall! Hope life is treating you well on the other side of the pond! (haha did I just say that?)

      • 

        I still don’t know why you get excited when I visit – you’re more of a celeb blogger than me, you get more comments and EVERYTHING! But hey, I’m not complaining, it’s always nice to be appreciated 🙂 Happy fall to you too over that side…

      • 

        Pssst!

        Half these comments are from when I originally blogged this post last January. I was unknown then, so I thought I’d give it a reblog!

  6. 

    I couldn’t agree more; the timing and context are key to acceptability.

    My wife and 20-year-old daughter routinely refer to each other as “fat slag” and the two of them could not be closer – and that may be one of the reasons why neither takes offence.

    An excellent and thought-provoking blog.

    • 

      Fat slag??? hahahahahahah

      Okay, you must not be from America. That sounds British.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Please don’t ever call me a fat slag!!

  7. 

    There are good slutty whores and bad slutty whores – I think the difference is one comes from confidence and the other comes from desperation.

  8. 

    There are good slutty whores and bad slutty whores – I think the difference is one comes from confidence and the other comes from desperation.

  9. 

    This was a great read, and very refreshing when a woman is open to discussing and using these words and descriptions of herself when it comes to sex and self. Take charge and own it lady!

    We are all slutty whores at times. Men and women. I was a Man-Whore for a long time. Bad slutty and also good slutty. It’s just that men are viewed differently. It’s a fine line of perception and acceptance.

    You said it best that the best times to be a whore are in the bedroom. Truth.

    • 

      Hey cutie!

      Okay, so I totally agree that being slutty in the bedroom is awesome.

      But now you have me curious. In other ways, what is Man-Whore good slutty, vs Man Whore bad slutty? Inquiring minds want to know…

      • 

        Oh, wouldn’t you like to know……

        There is a difference. Some guys are man whores and just do it to get off because of macho bullshit. They don’t give a crap about respect or woman’s feelings. They just use people and shit on them like it’s a game.

        Than there are other Man Whores who do sleep around, have friends with bennies, but are also good guys who stay friends with the ladies and always let them know up front what the deal is. It’s more respectful. The gals can take it or leave it from there. No pressure.

        I was one of the good Man Whores for a long time.

        😉

      • 

        Very good explanation!

        So, *looks around to make sure no one can see this buried in the comment section*

        How does one go about finding a Good Man Whore? A respectful friend with bennies.

        Um. A friend of mine wants to know.

  10. 

    I think when it comes to being a slutty whore, why you do it is as important as what you do.

  11. 

    So good! Love the way you write.

  12. 

    28 years married, 32 together, and… well, Pure Gold. 😉 (in between, we often drive each other crazy!)

  13. 

    I LOVE this post! It’s so good to see a woman be this open and honest! You have a fan for life, and also I’m rethinking my previous feelings about living in New Jersey.

    The woman of my dreams might just be you, or she might not, but whatever the case, she will be just like you.

    • 

      YOU, sir, are trouble!!

      I’ll have you know that because I use the word “slut” and “mom” together in this title, it forever labeled me! On WordPress, we can see what search terms are used to find our blogs. They’re usually pretty bizarre, and have more to do with the people googling than with the content of the blog.

      And my number one search term, EVERY DAY? “Slut Mom.” Branded forever!

      Thanks for reading, Eric. xoxo

  14. 

    This is MADE OF AWESOME. Empowerment FTW.

  15. 
    brandonmomlover October 26, 2014 at 9:33 am

    I hate that people give sluts and whores a bad name because when it comes to the bedroom that is what every man wants whontd he is religious or not I would not date a woman that has not had sex the best relationship I ever had the night i metl she told me I’m a slur nd we dated for a long time I would pick a slut over a good going church lady any day I hate men think that they can sleep with anybody in a woman sleeps with two men they call her a slut so what there is nothing wrong with a woman who is sexual so I am one man I don’t care about how many you had or how many you haven’t had but at least have some

  16. 

    What a great post, Samara! And yes, I have been a slutty whore at times. My husband really likes it, and so do I. 🙂

  17. 

    Well I never read this before, I’m late to the party (again)…….but I am still a slutty whore for the hubs (married more than 10 years btw) so do I get a slutty whore t-shirt with all my bonus points? Love your blog – keep writing, whoring, whatever the hell you do. It’s all good. Really, really good.

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