ALIMONY IS BULLSHIT.
Let me qualify.
In the state of New Jersey, we still have antiquated laws that require the payor (typically the husband) to pay LIFE LONG alimony to the payee. (typically the wife).
They were established in the 1940’s and 1950’s – when virtually all women were stay-at-home mothers and men the family breadwinner. Few career opportunities existed for women.
Today, women currently make up half the workforce in America.
Yet, a woman who has chosen to be a stay at home mother often walks away from a divorce with a lifetime meal ticket.
Even Powerball winnings end after 20 years.
FIRST: I’m an opponent of alimony grants in no-fault divorces initiated by the non-breadwinning spouse.
No fault, meaning one spouse just “got tired” of the other. He chewed too loudly. Left the toilet seat up.
And now, this chicken hoe can just hang out while her ex-husband busts his ass supporting her in the style to which her chicken hoe ass got accustomed.
I have a friend. Let’s call her Jennifer. Because that’s her name.
She decided she was more attracted to the 27-year-old meathead trainer at the gym than to her 40-year-old husband (duh!) And divorced him, after 9 years of marriage.
But she gets to ride that gravy train forevah.
Her ex has to keep her in her house, and her Jaguar. She complains when there isn’t enough money for her Botox.
I’m tempted to cut open a rusty can and inject her face with the botulism to shut her up.
A lot of women around here choose to stay home with the kids – just because of that pot of alimony at the end of the rainbow.
Trust me, they have motherly instincts like Medea. There’s an especially nauseating subdivision of parasite who stays at home with the dog even after their kids go off to college.
Often, it’s against the wishes of their spouse, and it’s ALWAYS so they can later collect lifetime alimony.
There are sometimes good reasons for a spouse to receive permanent alimony, such as having a disability.
I’ve personally never witnessed this – unless being a complete selfish bitch is considered a disability.
They set up a life-long imbalance with profound adverse effects on the others affected by the “agreement”: their children, their ex, and any new family he should have.
This continues until the demise of either party or the remarriage of the recipient.
The payor dies by working TO DEATH because his wife will NEVER remarry her live-in boyfriend.
Several states have passed laws that allow for the modification or termination of alimony if the recipient is living with another person.
Here in New Jersey, my friend gets to travel to the Caribbean with her muscle-bound live-in boy-toy on her ex-husband’s dime.
I’m in favor of Rehabilitative Support/alimony.
This is awarded for a short period and is meant to help a spouse “rehabilitate” himself/herself.
YES. This is what I’m talking about. Cap this shit off after a few years, and we’re good.
The courts really need to evaluate all of these divorces carefully on a case by case basis. But they don’t.
In New Jersey, vague alimony guidelines and interpretations only promote lucrative litigation to the multibillion dollar divorce industry and use court resources that are paid for by taxpayers.
There are other states which still grant spouses lifetime alimony.
I’m primarily concerned with my home state, where these Draconian laws are the legal equivalent of a sociopathic serial killer.
They’re killing people who are married to heartless opportunists.
They’re killing people who are forced to remain in loveless marriages.
They’re killing the concept of marriage altogether – and helping far too many young men swallow the red pill of the manosphere, and reject the idea of marriage altogether.
They’re killing the spirits of the children who get to bounce between savagely hostile parents embroiled in their own materially-driven War of the Roses.
The worst crime?
Girl, where’s your pride? We fought hard to be considered equal to men. Where’s your self respect? What kind of example are you setting for your children?
You’re killing the entire feminist ideal of the empowered woman who can take care of herself on her own.
YES. SHE CAN.
I know many women sacrificed their education and careers to raise families.
I know that women feel they can’t just transition to the workforce after being out of it for so many years.
Here’s the thing.
YES, YOU CAN.
1. Go back to school. Vocational, preferably, since a college degree is the equivalent to a big honking nothing these days.
2. Start the transition before you get the divorce. Even if you’re happily married, once your kids are a little older, and in school all day – don’t you WANT to work part-time? Or take some classes?
The SAHM where I live play tennis and shop an awful lot. They could work a college class or two in between lip injections and hair extensions.
3. Do anything. I don’t mean, go on the stroll. But the women who clean houses drive cars nicer than mine. Are you above home health care, house cleaning, babysitting? Be resourceful.
The woman who watched my son when I went back to work never went past high school. She watched 4 kids in her home, and made bank.
Some people are just “above” jobs like housecleaning. I went to a prestigious college, and I would work at Mickey D’s to put food on the table if I had to.
Money is money. It’s called a work ethic, women.
I’m not suggesting that a minimum wage job will pay all your bills. But it’s something. Stop acting like you’re incapable of work just because you think you’re all that and a bag of Skittles.
Recently, my friend argued a real-life example with me, against alimony reform.
Her friend was married for 25 years and was 55 years old when her spouse filed for divorce. She had devoted the “prime” years of her life to her family. Based on the new alimony proposal, permanent alimony could stop at a retirement age of 65 or 67.
It could mean she would only receive alimony for 10 years. After retirement, doesn’t she have the right to maintain a certain lifestyle? What is she supposed to do?
First – You’re 55, not DEAD.
If you were married for 25 years – could you not have begun to re-enter the workforce at some point in your marriage?
I’m not suggesting that the mom simply disappear into a full-time job when her children are teenagers.
In fact, I don’t like what I see in homes where both parents are away full-time and teenagers are left completely unattended.
Teens need guidance, and someone needs to be “minding the store.” But at some point, you must start re-building your life for when your kids leave for college.
You won’t be a SAHM then. You’ll just be a sloth.
Second – Your lifestyle will change. I’ve been rich, and I’ve been poor. Rich is nicer. But life is life. Roll with it.
Third – There are men who have to re-invent themselves at 55.
My son’s school has just informed us that starting next year, there will be no more hard copy textbooks. Only online.
That smells like an entire industry out of work to me. And a lot of men, many of whom are in their 50’s, are going to have to figure out how to feed their families.
I’m sure it will be hard for a woman to re-enter the workforce at 55.
DO IT ANYWAY.
Let’s play Devil’s Advocate, shall we?
Let’s say, the husband totally wants out of the marriage because he’s decided he’s no longer in love.
Should he then be forced to keep her in her pre-marriage lifestyle simply as a function of a now-defunct union?
What if the woman is an alcoholic psycho bitch? What if she’s abusive and unfaithful?
Let’s say she’s none of those things.
If a man has to pay a woman to maintain the creature comforts he provided for her while they were married, shouldn’t the reverse be instituted? He was the breadwinner, he’ll keep winning that bread.
You were the homemaker. Go to his house every week, clean it, do his laundry, cook some meals,
And have sex with him.
I think that’s fair.
Currently, there are many people who are working hard to change the laws in New Jersey. Good luck with that.
It took until April 2009 for Jon Corzine, then-governor of NJ, to sign into law changes in the alimony statutes which would bar alimony payments to parents who kill, abuse, or abandon their children.
In case you’re wondering why I’m so passionate about this subject –
THE BIG REVEAL:
I’m not divorced. My Ex and I have been separated – over 3 years now. And ALIMONY is one of the factors that has been preventing me from finalizing my divorce.
I was the breadwinner in our marriage.
Ladies, girls – Do yourselves a favor. Learn from my mistake.
I don’t care if right now, if you don’t have one red cent. I have 2 very important words for you:
Make sure that there will be an equitable split of assets based on what was earned, and most importantly, eliminate spousal support.
You amazing, talented women are going to write best sellers. Or start a company. Or Invent something cool. Have a huge hit song.
I believe in you.
And after you’ve put all your blood, sweat and tears into something like that, there is NO reason why you should be punished for your diligence, sacrifice and success by having to support an ex husband.
And ladies – have respect for that hard-working husband of yours. It’s a lot of pressure on a man to support a family.
Remember, it turned this:
How do you feel about alimony? Has it impacted your life, or the life of someone close to you?
Do you know any women who are paying or have to pay alimony?
Talk to me. I’m listening.