I may incite the rage of many people, in this day of sexual harassment, objectification of women and rape culture. But I’m going to say it.
I’M A SLUTTY WHORE.
Jarring? Perhaps. If you don’t feel something when I write, then I’m doing it wrong.
Is it bad to be a slutty whore? When did that happen?
I thought that whole stifled sexuality thing went out in the 50’s. By 1969, wanton Woodstock nymphos were taking on bushy haired bohemians two at a time in the mud at Yasgur’s farm, urged on by Country Joe and the Fish.
He spelled out F-U-C-K to the crowd. They did it.
They were slutty whores.
I love being a slutty whore. Not being labeled one by others.
ON MY TERMS.
The words “slut” and “whore” are aggressive. But I will not let society control me with the use of these words.
Being labeled “slutty whore” by others is abhorrent. In a patriarchal society, there is an inherent danger in these words. Because these words support Rape Culture. Blaming the victim is the dark side of the American Way.
There are compelling reasons to support sensitivity around the use of these words; why feminists fight against the use of these words.
Sexual harassment is UGLY. Objectifying women is UGLY.
Still, I’M A SLUTTY WHORE.
And simultaneously, a card carrying feminist.
I’m wholly independent, and always have been. I’ve supported myself since I was 16 years old, and support a child as well. On my own.
If that’s not female empowerment, in a world where not only are women competing against men for jobs, but where we are all competing in a global environment for gainful employment, than nothing is.
I’m not always a slutty whore. In this moment, I’m in a thick fluffy purple bathrobe and slippers.
I’ve just fed Little Dude homemade chocolate chip cookies and milk, and he’s doing his homework while I write. I’m in full-on Mom Mode.
But later on, tonight maybe? Will I be a slutty whore?
There are many situations in which being a slutty whore is a positive thing.
1. In Bed with Your Man (or Woman)
Here is where you should be the sluttiest whore you can. This is a key component to sheet ripping sex.
If you love the person, all the better. Extra credit if you’re married. Triple extra credit if you’ve been married 10 years or more.
Can you imagine couples married for 20 years with enough fire in the relationship for the wife to want to be a slutty whore in bed? That’s extraordinary. It’s a 2-decade hot and heavy romance, and that is PURE GOLD.
2. Going Out/Escaping Real Life
When I was in my 20’s, I went out clubbing in New York all the time, and yes, I frequently dressed like a slutty whore. That’s what your 20’s are for.
These days, I’m a working mom. I’m in total denial about my age, which is somewhere between 30 and none of your business. I rarely go out, and when I do, Saturday nights at Applebee’s is not the forum for a slutty outfit.
BUT – don’t we all, even just once in a great while, need to put on a costume and play at being something we’re not? Don’t we all occasionally need that brief respite from being a Parent and a Grown Up and a Super Responsible Human Being?
Last December, I saw Patti Smith perform at a club in New York. I was meeting up with college friends I hadn’t seen in 22 years.
I went all out and dressed goddamned slutty to pay homage to my High Priestess of Rock.
I wore black, skin-tight, low-cut clothing and high-heeled, over the knee black boots.
Little Dude actually blocked the door.
“MOM! You can’t leave here LOOKING like that!”
It was the first time he’d ever seen Mama look like a rap video ho, and he did not like it one bit. He’s fine, now that I’m back in the fuzzy bathrobe. Hopefully, he hasn’t been scarred for life.
3. Shopping For Lingerie.
My college BFF fought a brutal battle against breast cancer. An entire year of pure torture. But she fought like an amazon warrior. She recently had her reconstruction done, and we went online and ordered a cornucopia of bras. A lot of them were super charged, high octane slutty bras that say,
“HELLO, WORLD. CHECK THESE PUPPIES OUT. I’M ALIVE, AND I’M HERE.”
Because if ever a woman needs to feel that way, it’s her after what she endured this past year.
I’m not talking about writing erotica (although by all means, do. Whatever tickles your pickle.) I’m talking about using those words when you write.
“Slutty whore” is an incredibly evocative phrase. When you write, “I was such a slutty whore when I was in high school,” we know JUST the girl you were.
Words inform the mind.
They thrill and excite, kindle the flame, affect as powerfully as physical actions.
Wordplay is life. Handle with care, but USE them.
5. Out With the Girls
It’s like African Americans using the N-word. Outside the community, it’s a racial slur. Inside the community, it’s an expression of solidarity. My girlfriends and I have reclaimed those words, and if we want to banter with them, by God, we will.
They’re multiple meaning words. We can use them to express appreciation or dismay. For example:
“Ooh! Where did you get THOSE, you whore?” might be said to my girlfriend who has on the perfect pair of stiletto ankle boots.
“WHORE!” I might say to the same girlfriend, when she shows up 30 minutes late for coffee.
To use these terms pejoratively is one thing.
But to describe yourself that way in a celebration of your own uninhibited freedom;
to rejoice in the escape from your everyday world of work/mom/PTO drudgery;
to bond with friends in an exclusive language that allow you to metaphorically take back the night;
to be evocative with words; words – the lifeline that connects this cherished community online comrades;
Right now, I’m not a slutty whore.
I’m a writer. And I want to know how you feel about those words.
Talk to me. I’m listening.