53 responses to Breaking Up With Facebook: Getting to the Other Side Of An Addiction I Didn’t Know I Had

  1. 

    I missed you when you were gone.

    • 

      I was going to send this to you in a private message, but screw that. Let everyone see!

      You are incredible. Your unswerving loyalty and support and friendship, even when you’re going through a lot of your own stuff, is nothing short of remarkable.

      I love you, Michelle.

  2. 

    Love this! I got off the crack a year and a half ago. It was serious withdrawals the first week!

  3. 

    Yep. I get this. At least weekly, I think I’m going to deactivate my account. I don’t even know why! I’m not on it a lot (twice/day?) But there are times when I go on a facebook vacation (1 week+) and I love it! Then people wonder where I’ve been and why didn’t “like” their post. Then I feel bad for not liking their posts, so I like everyone’s and I’m back to mindless scrolling and looking down at my phone.

    As you mentioned at the end, for me FB has become a necessary evil – a place to share my words–another platform author agents need before they’ll even read what you have to say.Ack! I don’t know what’s right or wrong, so your article was very timely.

    And, for the record, I love seeing you on FB. It’s one of the many reasons I can’t quit. xo

    • 

      I enjoy jumping on facebook, making a little quip, and jumping off! But then I want to interact with the people who comment, and the next thing you know…
      Everything in moderation. Love you, Michelle. xoxo

  4. 

    I actually did hear about this. I think it was on one of those clickbait stories that get posted on Facebook. You know, I’m powerless to resist those.

  5. 

    In this day and age Facebook seems to be in the “necessary evil” category for me. I feel like I would never know/see some things if I wasn’t on there, because people are so busy with their lives, but will take time to post pics and update their status.

    Do I like Facebook? Mariginally. Most days, it disgusts me, and so do some of the people I’ve “friended”.

    • 

      I do NOT get being so busy you only have time to post pics and update your status.

      When I’m really busy, I just don’t go on. My real life takes precedence over facebook. I guess we’re odd like that, huh?

  6. 

    Left FB two years ago which is the same time I became divorced. I realized my ex wife was having a hard time with my new happy pictures. Oh and I also had a childhood pet chicken 🙂

  7. 

    Facebook has never been an addiction for me but I can certainly see how it can be. I am fortunate that I have been able to balance my online life and my tangible life pretty well. I am glad you were able to break a cycle that was not good for you.

    • 

      I have an addictive personality in general, so I tend to overdo things. Combine that with a desire to connect with people while being an introvert, and, well – it’s a dangerous combo!
      Thanks for reading! xo

  8. 

    I am not addicted to Facebook. Least of all, posting to it. But I’ll admit that I have a friend who left Facebook and went to Google+ (Who the fuck does that?!?) and now I barely talk to him. I miss him. It’s not the same when I need to cut out a large portion of time to talk or Skype to him. He is NOWHERE ELSE. :/ So the less convenient thing is absolutely true. And I hate it.
    That’s sorta the point, it’s a running dialogue with many people at the same time, at your convenience. It’s fabulous for that.
    Now, WordPress and Twitter, I may be truly addicted to.
    Not nearly as much as I’m addicted to soda or Scrabble, but still, veritable addiction.

    • 

      I don’t feel the same pull from WordPress and Twitter. I don’t feel socially engaged on those to the same degree I do on facebook. A lot of that has to do with facebook groups.

      The other things don’t have a small group dynamic.

      Google +? Is that still around?

  9. 

    “I read multiple studies showing that the Facebook selves appeared to be socially desirable identities that individuals aspired to have offline, but don’t.”
    If that’s true, my socially desirable identity is being invisible, or at least as close to it as possible, judging by the frequency of my Facebook postings.

    • 

      I think you just aren’t trying to give the illusion of being any different than you really are. Hence, no posts.

      Unfortunately I’ve met too many bloggers now to try and create a facade that doesn’t exist. 😊 Especially when one stayed in my house for days.
      But people often do create an illusion of what they aspire to be on social media.

  10. 

    I used to have an urge to post several times daily. I would upload tons of photos (not of myself, but from my travels) and then happily go through the likes. I had to set a limit firt – “one status a day, not more” – and then I stopped posting alltogether. When I went through those old posts, I was like, “why would i think anyone would be interested in this?”
    I only occasionaly post links to articles on education, culture and stuff, but I rarely say something about my personal life anymore. I supply my online addiction with wordpress now, hah. Let´s see how bad that gets 😉

  11. 

    Facebook is convenient, mostly because we live overseas and it is the easiest way to update friends and family with what we are doing since most of them can’t be bothered to go on my blog or connect on Skype. It has been interesting learning that my “friends” and family want to know what we are up to but only if we do it via Facebook. Otherwise, they can’t be asked. It’s something that has festered in me a bit the last 3 years we’ve been in Japan. I started the blog to document and share the amazing journey we are on and only a couple of my friends follow it.

    We are about to move to another country and I’m seriously considering becoming a shadow on Facebook or leaving it altogether for the next part of our lives.

    After reading what I just typed I realized I am not much better. I procrastinate writing my penpal, I call my parents much less than I should (they aren’t on social media) and I have not kept the blog up as much as I intended to when I started it. Yep, I lean on Facebook too much probably but it is the easiest way to connect to a lot of our people when you live on the other side of the world. In the end, the ability to share once with a lot of people in our lives wins.

    • 

      It IS easy. It’s also dangerous. Not just as an addiction- people masquerade as something other than what they are.
      They pretend to be one thing, and by the time their true personality comes out, you’re sucked in.
      Ah, but that’s for another story…

      • 

        I don’t have that issue really, I don’t add new people much. Most of my Facebook friends list are people I’ve known for years/most of my life. There have only been a few new additions and other than a very few bloggers like you and Ned the new ones are people I know in person. My friends list is not long.

        Who are you adding to your world that has an opportunity to be someone they are not?

      • 

        Well, obviously someone who I thought was different than who they ultimately turned out to be.
        We’ll discuss it, some day. xoxo

      • 

        In the end, people suck.

  12. 

    Does it seem like, anytime any co-worker (especially one you barely talked to) changes jobs and leaves the place you work, that they IMMEDIATELY want to add you as a FB friend? And then, if you see them in a store somewhere, you might not even say hi, but yet they’re your FB friend? That’s messed up.
    I don’t like adding close family members to FB because for me FB is a place for twisted humor (along with the cat pics, of course). My sweet niece is now almost 21, but from a goody-two-shoes family. She wants to be my FB friend, but I don’t want to inflict my “adult” sense of humor on her. Not really ready for the phone call from my sister-in-law saying, “By the way, my daughter says you posted on Facebook that ‘My horoscope said I should treat myself tonight, so I got drunk and masturbated.'”
    I go on FB for the same reason that I comment on blogs: I’m a desperately lonely loser whose only life, when my kid is at her other house, is being impaired and going online to be validated by my FB and WP “friends.”
    Oh, and screw moderation. “If some is good, more is better.” 😉

    • 

      Facebook is like “friendship, lite.” It’s the easy version of relationships. It’s too much work to really TALK to you, but it’s easy to be your facebook friend.

      And you are NOT a desperately lonely loser. You’re just a person who likes their alone time, and uses it to interact online. 🙂

  13. 

    Hey, so, I know this is going to sound hyper critical but how does going off Facebook but remaining on Twitter, Instagram, Skype, whatsapp and email constitute going ‘off the grid’? Those means of communication aren’t so old school in reality? And where does the blog fit in to the equation – I know it’s literary and open to an audience of arguably more ‘high brow’ intellect, but isn’t the documentation of experience, the sharing of one’s life for others to read, comment on and appreciate, the same thing in a different guise? I’m not criticising, I’m interested. 🙂

    • 

      That’s a legitimate question!
      I’m in a lot of groups on Facebook. I can spend too much time chatting in those, or messaging, or in group chats. I don’t find that Twitter and Instagram have that kind of dynamic and I get in and out quickly.

      Skype and email I think of as communication tools- not social media.

      When I blog, I post a story. I know some blog and write something that chronicles their daily life, but I don’t. On Facebook, people chronicle every thing they do, every minute sometimes. That’s not my thing- not on Facebook, and definitely not on my blog.

      For me, facebook holds the potential to be much more of a time suck than any of the other things you mentioned.

      I hope I answered the question. Thanks for commenting.

  14. 

    No.Facebook.Ever. You will always exist to me.

  15. 

    I was kicked off FB too. Got back on for 5 minutes and got kicked off again. I managed to get my author page back (as I’d made a rookie mistake and only had my profile down as the admin at the time – guess what I did in those 5 minutes I was back on?) And while I miss the interaction I had with my profile and certainly the reach I enjoyed when I shared my writing, I haven’t missed the time-suck of Facebook at all. I could jump through a million hoops to get back on, but it just doesn’t seem worth it to me. (But, of course, I might change my mind again in a week, lol.)

    And you’re right. The people who want to interact with and befriend you will find a way to contact. I miss some of the people I used to talk to – but I also appreciate the ones who sought me out without FB.

    • 

      Facebook is going full-throttle dictatorship. Authors have always used pseudonyms. Now they won’t allow it?

      Good for you putting on another admin on your page. I wish I had a partner I could trust to do that. That might be the only reason I would want a partner. 🙂

  16. 

    Never been on it. There are enough significant alternatives out there now that it isn’t that much of an issue.

  17. 

    LOL! Only two days away from FB? I took a full week off and it was so relaxing. It also helped that I was rum drunk on a cruise for a week!

    • 

      No, I was away a month. It was this past summer.
      This article ran on Hasty’s blog then, so I decided to run it on mine.
      Rum drunk on a cruise sounds heavenly right now…

  18. 

    Reminds me of the line in Reality Bites but inserting FaceBook for Troy, “Facebook you are the master of time suckage!”
    You inspired me to know that it’s OK to step the hell away -OMG the temptation is there and I know it’s the only form of communication I have with some folks…I am in toooo many groups myself! It is nice to catch up with family and friends I don’t get to see as often. I have learned sadly I don’t trust the trolls of FB who are out looking for girls on there! Thankfully my BF isn’t on it nor does he care.
    You’re still my hero!

    • 

      I am writing a whole series on getting involved online via facebook. It’s bullshit! You know that, but I didn’t. Ugh.
      Yes, I have no interest in being in a relationship with someone who hangs out on Facebook all the time. My experience is that men who are on there constantly are looking for something they can’t find at home.
      Yay, I’m someone’s HERO!! xoxoxo

      • 

        OMG yes you are amazing!
        What I could share with you about FB and online dating in general… I have seriously put down actual real life, as in mine, cannot make this up crazy situations of dating and observations of the FB too! Some of the things – seriously FUBAR… and I kept looking for Alan Funt and the damn camera!

  19. 

    I’m coming up on two full years being off Facebook and honestly life is so much better. Yes, friends do have to work that much harder to communicate with me, but I’m not drawn into the soul-sucking cycle that is FB. I actually deactivated my account the day before my birthday two years ago and it was eye-opening to say the least who actually reached out to me to say something. In previous years I would anxiously check it all day long to see who wished me a HBD. Although I miss being nosey as hell by being able to check in on people’s lives all the damn time, it’s nice to not be reminded of my little life in comparison to others’.

    Fairly certain I’m done forever and am 100% okay with that. :):):)

    Come back to the dark side with me. You become this mystical creature when you don’t have a FB and people want to know more about why you’re so crazy… A good conversation piece actually.

  20. 

    I thnik I commented earlier on when you published the post first time. Never got that FB thing. I forget for weeks to even log in. I am addicted to whatsap, but again there I communicate one two one and only with the closest friends. I don’t brag for the masses. Less people and more quality time with them.

  21. 

    Marry Christmas too you too! Hm, I don’t know if it is perfect. Maybe I just don’t get Facebook at all.

  22. 

    Hey this as a really cool read. I’m pretty new to the whole blog thing but this kinda relates to some of what I’ve been publishing. Thanks.

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