I’m Going to BlogHer and I’m Terrified!

June 26, 2015 — 127 Comments



Most of you don’t know this about me, but I’m an introvert.

I’m brash and outgoing and a real wiseass – yes, I realize this.

Extraversion is characterized by sociability, talkativeness, assertiveness and excitability. I possess those traits. So how can I be an introvert?

Because being an introvert, vs an extrovert, has to do with whether you are energized or drained by interacting with others. I gather my energy from within myself. And if I interact with a large group of people, it takes me DAYS to recover.

When it comes to socializing, I do best with one or two close friends.

In my pre-Suburban Mom life, which was all about clubbing, I had two easy fixes.

One: I was high. It’s easy enough to be the life of the party when you’re stoned on Ecstasy, dancing in your underwear at a bubble rave while strangers rub you down with ice cubes.

Two : Lots of time to charge up before and re-charge after.

In New York, clubbing starts at midnight. My friends used to tease me because I HAD to have a “disco nap” before going out. On a typical night out, I needed quiet and solitude from 8 or 9 pm til about midnight. Then my friends would drag me around the corner to Veniero’s, arguably the best Italian pastry shop in New York, to blast my central nervous system awake with espresso.

These days, to combat my anxiety, or perhaps because of it, I occasionally do bizarre things in public.

That’s how I ended up hotwiring a car the first time I got together with the Cute Guy. Acting stupid helps me over the hump of anxiety. I shield my vulnerability as an introvert with outlandish behavior.


I’ve had a few real humdingers of awkward penguin introvert behavior. I’d like to share them with you, so we can laugh at me together.


Years ago, I was at an outdoor summer party with a crowd I mostly didn’t know. There was this super cute guy there, who was wearing cut off jean shorts with very unfortunate looking frayed bottoms. He was totally attractive, but that fringe? Not so much.

I was a little drunk, and decided the fringe had to go.

I thought it would be hilarious to light it on fire with a lighter. When his back was turned I lit the lighter right under his ass, and gleefully watched the frayed cotton of the shorts go up.

And keep going.

I recognized that I had made a HUGE error and started slapping at his ass. I did put the fire out, but that was after I ran up to a complete stranger and essentially, began spanking him in a frenzy.

The host suggested I go home, after lighting one of her guests on fire. I complied.


Then there was the time I injured two men simultaneously.

I was in a bar flirting with a man who was standing with his buddy. The guy I liked had longish hair, like bangs, that fell over his eyes. He was doing a sexy “flip of the hair” thing that made him seem really artsy and vulnerable.

He turned to say something to his friend and his hair fell in his face. I reached up to playfully brush it off his face. Just then he turned, and I poked him in the eye.

I hurriedly reached my arm up to see if he was okay, and I elbowed his friend in the face.

This is some Three Stooges shit. People pay MONEY to see this stuff. To complete the effect, I should have shouted “Whoop whoop WHOOP!,” sprayed them with ink and scuttled sideways out of there.



So, here are some common misconceptions about introverts:

Myth #1 : Introverts don’t like to talk.

I love to talk. If you get me started about movies, books, music – I won’t shut up.

But football talk makes me want to jump off a high rise.  And small talk – how can you not believe it’s only whatever day of the week it is? Look at a fucking calendar!

I’m also not interested in talking about television shows I’ve never watched. I don’t care if the guy from The Bachelor has more tank tops than everyone at Coachella put together.

I talk plenty. I just don’t care for nonversation.

Myth #2 : Introverts are shy.

I’m not shy.  Going to a party where I only know the host just does not tickle my penis.

I like socialization in small doses. If I’m forced to attend something that requires an extended visit like a wedding, I can show up and function just like everyone else.

I’ll just do it with a constant feeling of, “Holy shit, is this over yet? I just want to go home, take off my bra, and rub one out to a Game of Thrones torture scene on my couch.”

Myth #3 : Introverts are rude.

I’m NOT rude. I like to just be real, which is not always the most acceptable mode of behavior at, say, a PTO meeting. It’s exhausting for introverts to fit in with all the mindless pleasantries that pass for conversation.

I also have no filter and blurt out things that I think are funny, but end up sounding rude. Like asking my son’s best friend’s dad if his new Prius runs on ‘period blood.’

Myth #4 : Introverts don’t like people.

I LOVE people. People who I feel have substance. After dealing with nothing but suburban cheese nugs for the last 10 years,  I learned that my life doesn’t cease to carry meaning because the whole “face-to-face” interaction thing sucks big ol’ floppy horse balls.

Myth #5 : Introverts don’t like to go out in public.

I love going out. I simply prefer my nice, quiet house over the jaw-clinching idiocy of public functions.

Myth #6 : Introverts always want to be alone.

I do need my alone time. I embrace solitude and  get my energy from within,

But I enjoy being with people. I just choose intimate gatherings over large parties and one on one conversations over group discussions. And I’m fiercely loyal to the few people I consider true friends.

Myth #7 : Introverts are weird.

Once every couple of years, some deranged psychopath steals a tank, drives into a mall, and starts leveling the food court, screaming out the names of random elementary school teachers as each fast food booth disintegrates in a cloud of flames.

Of course, the news always describes him as a “loner.” We’ve been so deluged with these “He was an introverted time bomb” stories that we’ve started to associate completely normal introverts with an inevitable madman demise.

I’ve always been an individualist. It doesn’t make me a jackpine savage. I fully admit to being weird, but my weirdness is not connected with my being an introvert. It’s just a happy accident.

Myth #8 : Introverts are aloof nerds.

I’m a nerd and I embrace that. I am an information junkie. I have nerdgasms over complex math problems.

But aloof? Nah. I just get lost a lot in my inner world..

I often wish, during a conversation with someone I like who is saying something relatively interesting, that he or she would just stop talking.



Two nights ago, I registered to attend BlogHer. It’s right here in New York, in three weeks.


I’m fucking terrified.


There will be lots o’ people, Serious Professional Bloggers. And meanwhile, I’m going over my wardrobe, trying to figure out which skull tee shirt to pack.

Quirky Chrissy and Aussa have said they would let me attach myself to them with a human leash. They think I’m kidding, but I own one and I’m not afraid to use it.

I’m not going to be fully anonymous once people see me. Even in a huge crowd at BlogHer, I will be easy to spot. I’ll be the one dressed in clothes from Hot Topics, which gives me the dubious distinction of shopping in the same store as my 11 year old.

But I promise to be on my best, most grown-up behavior. I will refrain from asking keynote speaker Gwyneth Paltrow how frequently she recommends steaming her vagina.

And I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.




Are you an introvert or an extrovert? 
Have you ever planned to do something that scares the bejesus out of you? 
Talk to me. I’m listening. 

127 responses to I’m Going to BlogHer and I’m Terrified!


    Hang in there Samara – you’ll do fine.


    You’ve got this. Have fun. Be yourself. Okay… maybe tone it down a little… you don’t want to scare all those “mommy bloggers” But, have fun and I can’t wait to hear about it.


    Good for you, Samara, taking the leap into that kind of social networking atmosphere. Without the ice cubes and rub downs (I’m assuming, right?). Anyway, you’re going to have a blast and I’m sure Chrissy and Aussa will make sure of it.

    And for the record, half of my wordrobe is from Hot Topic (No better place for Marvel and band attire). Except for that red thong.

    Did I mention I’m an introvert?

    It’s going to be a blast, Samara 😉


      I KNEW I loved you! I just got some Spiderman socks at Hot Topics last night, and I’m probably going back there for the Spiderman sneakers, which both my kid and I are coveting.

      It wouldn’t be the first time we match. We also have matching Pink Floyd and Hogwarts tee shirts. Sometimes, we just like the same stuff. He’s probably going to outgrow me soon. 🙂


        I’ve got Spidey socks, and Superman socks with the capes on the back. It’s the only time I look cool when I run. Usually to the fridge…

        And I doubt he’ll outgrow you anytime soon; Little Dude seems to cool for that 😉


        I only run when I am chased.

        Ned! I’m going to a Blog Her advanced screening of Ant Man, hosted by Paul Rudd! It’s organized by the Disney people.

        I need some Ant Man gear…


        Ok, but be warned: it won’t cover much…

        (And that is SO awesome, by the way! Can’t wait to see it! The movie… *ahem*)


    I wish I was going. Fuck. Oh, you will be with the best of the best (Aussa and QC) so don’t worry. And FFS, leave the lighters at home.

    Helena Hann-Basquiat June 26, 2015 at 9:16 am

    UHG… I like your take on Introverts. I’m not rude, I just (ironically) want to be real, not talk about fake nonsense.


      Same. But conversation in the suburbs tends to revolve around banal bullshit. Who has TIME to talk about the mom who was pissed because her kid was not in enough pictures in the fifth grade yearbook, and is now demanding an addendum?

      I hate to generalize, but in New York, people talked about music. Museums. Culture. Topics of interest!

        Helena Hann-Basquiat June 26, 2015 at 11:16 am

        Can you believe it’s Friday already? (That bit made me howl.)



        Or people who discuss what highways and roads they drove on to get to an event.

        “Oh, the I95 was brutal, so we took a shortcut through 78 West and onto 33 North…”
        Who GIVES a fuck how you drove! I wish you weren’t even here, droning in my ears!


    This made me laugh out loud several times. I’m jealous you’re going and wish I could join you with a human leash, but since that’s not in the cards, I’ll be looking forward to what you have to tell us about it! It’s gonna be awesome!!!


      Maybe, another year? I know it’s hard with kids. Little Dude goes away to sleep away camp for part of the summer, which is how I can sneak away for the weekend.


    I am terribly excited to meet you! I am determined to make you continue loving me. Also, I am an extrovert with a shit ton of introvert tendencies. And I regularly say inappropriate, awkward things. It’s going to be fun. I should probably write about that shit.


    i am raising my introvert mug full of nerd to toast your inevitable success and enjoyment at an event that is lucky to have you there.



    I just found out there is such a thing as an omnivert. The exact behavior you’re talking about. That’s what I am too!
    Bring business cards. Break the ice by asking each person what they blog about.
    Have fun!



      Okay. Fangirl moment over.
      I know everyone brings business cards. But what do I put on mine?
      “Samara. No, you can’t have my phone number.”

      I think a lot of people have mixed characteristics of intro and extro. For years, I never knew why going out was so exhausting for me! I thought it was an iron deficiency!


        Oh my God! I have a fan! 🙂 You made my day.

        My business card has my blog header across the top.
        Susie LIndau’s Wild Ride
        Come for the Ride. Stay for Adventure
        Writer, blogger, screenwriter
        Twitter handle, Facebook, cell phone, email.
        I had Vista Print do them.

        I didn’t know about ambiverts until a month ago. I love being social and I can stand up at a microphone, but am exhausted after going out too. I need a day to regroup after book club. Ha!


        Yes! I am a HUGE fan!

        Okay, tomorrow, I’m looking into business cards, just like a real, grown-up blogger!


    I looked it up and had spelled it wrong. Ambivert.


    I am shockingly similar to you, and I love how you describe it! I did something similar by applying for a scholarship that required PUBLIC SPEAKING!! I managed, somehow, only having 2 minor breakdowns the day before, and won a half scholarship! You can do it!


    “Like asking my son’s best friend’s dad if his new Prius runs on period blood.”

    This is the reason I would never dream of skimming your work.

    I’m so glad you’re going to this, and I’m excited to hear about it. You’ll be awesome.


      Ooh! Remember I told you I edit forever?

      I just now thought maybe I should change that to “menstrual blood.” Which one is funnier?
      This is a true blogging “live action moment.”


        “period” really did it for me.

        There were about five moments of snot-shooting hilarity in this, and that was my personal favorite.

        But I default to your judgment on all things funny. (You’re super-good at it.)


        Of course it’s funny to YOU! You didn’t light some guy’s balls on fire at a party!

        Plus, I really did use the word “period” when I asked him. Cause I’m classy like that.


        Then it seems to me preserving authenticity should win the day.

        I don’t wish ball fires on ANY man. But if you’re going to wear frayed jorts, you’re asking for something bad to happen. Right? Right.


        That’s kinda what I was thinking. I just didn’t think the entire scenario through.

        Ahh. Good times.


    Can’t wait to read about the stories and faux pas! Between you, Aussa and Chrissy there should be years worth of blog worthy material!! You got this!! 💪🏻


    “Penis tickling” and “vagina steaming.” What a great way to begin a Friday. If I were a single man these two things would go on my online dating profile under “Activities I enjoy doing.”


    I wish I could go since I’m just a Metro-North train ride away but it’s just too darn expensive for me right now. (The conference, I mean).

    P.S. – Spit-takes on the Stooges scene & “floppy horse balls”. Cheese nugs didn’t help, either. 😀


    Oh, and on the Prius period-blood fuel comment also. I’d have cracked the fuck up on that one if I was there… 😉


    I’m so jelly! I know you can do this, Samara! You’ll be in the safe and caring hands of friends, and you are going to have SO MUCH FUN!


    First, I love you. Like serious girl crush, not into woman but I’d kiss you anyhow, girl crush.
    Second, the all mighty Myers-Briggs has me as an INTJ and at 90% for the I.
    Lastly, as an introvert I applaud your myth debunking… Even though, rude mean ones like me perpetuate the stereotype of of #3. As for #8, I am an elitist brain snob who is proof of that one too, so I apologize for not doing you any favors. 😉
    As for BlogHer, you will have an amazing time, even if it takes until you get back to home and to sanctuary before you realize it. I am one of those that would love to go… in theory… but the idea of actually going makes me want to eat cookies and go to bed. I do envy everyone there for getting to meet you, just don’t tell me if any of those women kiss mah girl!



      And I love you, too. And I’d totally kiss you. On the mouth. xo


    I think the thing to remember at the Blogging conferences is that most everyone there is an introvert too. I totally want to go to one, but the timing has never been right.


      I think you’re right. So many of us who blog/write do well online, because we don’t do do so well in real life.
      Maybe you’ll come to BlogHer one year?


    I get this. I totally get this. I JUST now realized from your descriptions that I too am an introvert!! I ADORE people. I LOVE engaging… when it’s substantial and with people I trust. Not big crowds. Oh hell no. I do the freaking STUPIDIST (It’s a word in that urban dictionary, right?) things EVER when I’m nervous. My mouth is constantly full of stinky feet. I get so ridiculous when I’m nervous… oh I could match your stories Samara!!!

    Stick close to your trusted beloveds. They will ooze strength and energy into you as your shields and your anchors. Your safe spot will always be there with you. That is your comfort!

    Then sneak away when you need that reprieve. OH, how I get that. I MUST have my restoration alone time, or I crumble into a 1000 pieces.

    Huh. I’m totally an introvert.


      Christine. What I wrote Susie above is seriously true. It took me so long to recover from going out, I used to think I had an iron deficiency! I was in my 30’s before I put it all together!

      It’s really good when you know. Then you can handle it better.

      That being said, I’M TOTALLY DYING RIGHT NOW ABOUT THIS hahahaha


    You’re gonna have a BLAST! QC will take care of you, and you get to meet Gigi and Aussa and it’s going to be brilliant. Take the leash anyway.

    I hope you get your extro on for our meet-up in Sept 🙂


    I’m an introvert too, although my online persona would suggest otherwise!

    I actually snorted with laughter at you setting fire to Fringe Man’s shorts. Also, I love your writing style. Keep on bloggin’, my intro sister!


    OMGGGGGGosh, I’d be terrified, too.
    Just like back in high school wondering, “Will they like me? Will they really like me? Am I wearing the right clothes, shoes?”
    Samara, you will be a HIT, darling. A Super Star! Have a glass of wine for me. xxxx


      I know I won’t be wearing the right clothes because I don’t OWN the right clothes…

      Oh, well. I’ll be me. For better or for worse. And I will definitely have a glass (or two) of wine for you! xoxoxo


    But of course every neighbor always says “oh, that guy was a loner, quiet type, kept to himself”, etc. Are they really going to respond with “Oh yeah, the guy was like my BFF, we’d get drunk every weekend and he’d be always blabbering about his hare-brained schemes before he’d pass out” or “sure, he’s a friendly type, I let him borrow my tool, and a few times, we went to a firing range”?
    Of course “he’s a loner”.
    Don’t worry, you’ll do great. Just don’t forget the nap. Yoy can obviously do a pretty decent extrovert impression to not trip any “she’s-a-loner” alarms.


      “Oh, yeah, he was a great guy, we used to murder all the small animals in the neighborhood together…”


      There will be naps. I’m going to take one right now. Just thinking about BlogHer is exhausting me.


    And this is exactly why I’ll probably never go to BlogHer. All those people and stuff… scary!

    Those are some unfortunate (and hilarious) embarrassing anecdotes. 🙂


    Samara! I’m gonna kick your ass if you try to bail on the SW meet up. I will cry. And pout. It will be ugly. I will try to reign in my excitement and save my squealing for Lizzi so as to not annoy you. Or Beth. Or Hasty. Or everyone but Lizzi. (she likes my goofy exuberance- at least from 1000miles away she does).

    BUT have FUN at BlogHer. It will be amazing! And then rest up for September girlie! 🙂



      I’m going to TRY and make it for the meetup. But to be honest, the group of you(us) scares the snot outta me!

      Out of anyone, probably! I hope someone brings bail money.


    Funnily enough, I’ve just finished writting an article about introverts (not for my blog), and covered some very similar points as you, although I didn’t mention periods or ass-slapping, kind of wish I had now. I’m definitely an introvert too, and if I was going to Blogher I think I would be terrified and excited in equal measures. I’m sure you will have a fab time!


    “Nonversation” – brilliant! 🙂

    Have a great time at BlogHer 🙂


      I wish I made that up! I didn’t.

      I saw it on BuzzFeed yesterday, along with a bunch of other great new words. And I said, “I’m going to use that in my blog post!”
      Thanks! xo


    To be fair, there should have been a sign, stuck in the lawn like a political sign, in the yard at that party, saying “Please do NOT set the other guests on fire.” Without that, you should have received a verbal warning, not an immediate ejection.
    But I would have left also. I grew up painfully shy; now I’m just stuck-up. Even in college, I would walk home for miles rather than stay at a party where there (gasp!) might be people I didn’t know. I can’t to this day figure out why I didn’t get laid more.
    I totally share your distaste for nonversation. I’ve run out of the breakroom at work rather than be stuck in there with a boring person.
    You will crush BlogHer, or kill it, or whatever the kids say these day.


      Now you’re just stuck up? Hahahaha

      I cannot handle polite nonversation. I get all twitchy and start stammering and say stupid things. It’s just not a good situation when I start blurting out, “hey! How’s that new Prius? Heard it runs on period blood!

      Please pray that I don’t say anything like that at BlogHer.


    You got this, Samara. Don’t even worry about it. I can relate on the limited socializing. Too much and I start to tire. I understand completely. You’ll have a blast!!

    Kristi Campbell - findingninee June 26, 2015 at 8:34 pm

    I’ll be there and we can totally hang out. I got to meet Aussa at BlogU and she’s a total gem – plus she’d look hot on your leash! But really, it’ll be fine, I promise. And if it’s not, you can go hide in your room and write about it. Win!


      YAY! I know about five people who are going, and I will be clinging to you for dear life!

      And yes. I will probably spend a lot of time in my room. No one will even know I’m gone (spoken like a true introvert…)


    I can relate…being a fairly avid introvert myself.
    As for Blogher…take your son along…he can take the edge off the conversations….


      I SO wanted to at least take him to the kick off event, which is an advanced screening of Ant Man! But he’s away at summer camp 😦


        Summer camp….ah, the good old days. So, good luck at BlogHer. Can a guy join BlogHer? Or do I have to go all Bruce Jenner for it?


        Men go to BlogHer! Not a whole lot, but they definitely go.

        And no, you don’t have to have a full throttle sex change to attend. But they might want you to go in drag.


    I hearing you Samara lol


    This one really hit home for me too. I used to kick myself for saying/doing those weird, inappropriate, or outrageous things. For years I chalked it up to anxiety- related foot in mouth disease, but on reflection I think I was just bored of convention and knew – at a sub-conscious level – that what ideas doub was creating my own entertainment. I’ve learned to live with the consequences instead of worrying all the time if I’m going to do something to light a fire in the room. Now I’m more often like ‘Fuck it, it’s what I am.’ I do this at work a lot because there are so many of those moments of total, mindless inauthenticity that make introverts like us want to throw up in our mouths. I’ve blogged about this in particular reference to office Christmas parties, which I hate with a passion.


    Bon voyage! Are you staying in the city? I remember you wanted to go last year so I’m happy for you that you can make it this time around. See that? You couldn’t go to it so it came to you.

    Where do you get this introvert stuff? Who are you trying to kid? Us or yourself? 😉


      Yes, I’m going to stay in the city. It would be crazy to miss it, with it so close, right??

      Believe me, it took me years to figure out that i was an introvert, because I have so many extrovert characteristics. But seriously, I get so worn out hanging with people, I used to think I had an iron deficiency!

      True confession: It’s the main reason I never met up with you and Guap in the city. The thought terrifies me. 🙂


        You don’t have to be nervous about meeting Guap and I. We’re chatty S.O.B.’s and wouldn’t let you get a word in, anyway.


        Can you believe I get nervous meeting new people? It seems so incongruous with my personality, but the truth came out when Chrissy and Aussa had to offer to carry me on piggyback the entire conference to get me to register.

        I’d be fine once I met you. I would just be pissing my pants the whole way there.
        “Ohh, what if they don’t LIKE me…”
        God, it’s exhausting.


        Why do you give people so much power over you? Perfect strangers, no less? Don’t be so hard on yourself.


        Add being an introvert to also being a people pleaser, and you get one hot mess!
        But at least I’m hot. 😊


    I’m sure you had a great time. Especially with bloggers like Chrissy and Aussa with you. As long as you all didn’t get arrested. Those ladies are cray!


    I so get this and you freaking got this


    One of the things I’m most looking forward to at BlogHer is meeting you and giving you a big ‘ole hug. You can hang with me, sista! 🙂

    Faith, trust, and pixie dust July 3, 2015 at 11:53 pm

    Thing one I seriously laughed so hard I cried and choked on myself. Miss you so much!!! I’m an introvert with a big extrovert exterior too


    Introvert. Been like this since I was a kid. Still prefer fictional characters to real people.

    Went up on stage for an open mic comedy night once.
    I had my eyes closed for almost the entire thing, but when I walked back to my seat it wasn’t half bad. Some people were even laughing, although I can’t be sure if they were laughing at me or with me. Oh well.

    I don’t know if I can do it again.
    Did it once so I guess I can cross it off my list.


      But you’ve been across the universe in a submarine! Surely you can handle a little stage fright!

      No, I understand completely. By the way, I had to approve this comment, so I guess you’re new to my blog? Welcome! Thanks for stopping by and commenting.


    When is this, or did you go already? (Sorry, Samara, I’m way behind on blog reading!) I get the introvert thing totally, because I’m in the same camp. Except I’ve learned to just find an interesting person or two in a larger function and talk to them while pretty much ignoring everything else for the most part. It’s like turning a big function into a small, intimate one by treating crowd noise as a white-noise-powered cone of silence. I usually come home with a lot more energy thanks to that trick. If you look, people tend to gather in smaller subgroups at big functions. Being married, I totally ignore any eye magnetism as soon as I get control of my eye muscles back. Pointless distractions, ptah! Love this post. Interesting to read how other intros cope. I love Hot Topic, but at 6’6″ 330lbs, none of their stuff fits. Lol I’m stuck with DXL/Casual Male graphic tees or Hawaiian shirts n’ jeans. Hope this goes or went well.


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  1. When The Moon Hits Your Eye « A Buick in the Land of Lexus - March 10, 2016

    […] of the month! Woo hoo! I’m not ready to throw up daily at the thought of it, like I felt when I was going to BlogHer. After all, I lost my blog conference virginity […]

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