I Still Have More Depraved Stories To Tell

June 26, 2014 — 88 Comments

I know I’ve been shirking on my own blogging duties.

Never fear. I still have absolutely NO FILTER, and will continue to blog about dildoeswhorehouses and killing off annoying Dance Moms. 

 

I could do an ENTIRE post on how the Moms just acted when I picked up Little Dude from his last day of school.

They were all in a gaggle.

Videotaping this momentous occasion. And not just on IPhones – on videocameras.

Dressed in frocks, like the Kindergarten Mom Mafia. 

Hair done. Makeup perfect.

It’s fucking 11:50 AM. Where are you going all dolled up like that? Shoprite?

Out to lunch, maybe? I got NEWS for you.

You don’t need to get all groomed for Chili’s, you know?

I’m not wearing anything nice to that hellhole. Grease stains NEVER come out.

One french fry smeared hand touching your shirt – and you’re SCREWED.

 

I was clean. Hell, I had just washed my hair, even!

Okay, so maybe I had this teeshirt on:

patti_smith_2

I’m not Patti Smith. I just think i am.

 

But that’s only because I slept in it.

What? The school is at the end of the block. They’re lucky I even put pants on.

At least I walk.

The other people on my block DRIVE THERE.

Yes. They DO.

 

And you think they’d be use to how I dress around here.

I’m not outlandish.

It’s not like I look like Skeeze Princess Courtney Love, stumbling out of a shooting gallery, in all her full-blown herpes glory:

 

I kinda liked her like this.

I kinda liked her like this.

 

Anyway.

The reason I’ve been MIA is, I’ve been incredibly busy over on our new blog collective, The SisterWives!

And you really need to visit there.

Because:

WonderWoman-rectangle1

 

That’s the post image.

We’re really learning this new theme as we go along.

Thank God for Deanna, because she’s the other admin, and she KNOWS STUFF.

Anyway, we put it up at after the post went live.

In a frenzy, because we realized that without a post image – the post would not show up as current.

Here’s a glimpse at the behind the scenes drama:

 

IMG_0988[1]   IMG_0987[1]

 

That’s SISTERWIVES TEAMWORK, YO!

That is how we roll!

(My favorite part is when Deanna tells me to “iPiccy that shit”)

iPiccy is an image editing program that I use, and am completely inept at.

 

Okay. Stop by the Sisterwives blog, and find out why Deanna is dressed as Wonder Woman. (Besides the fact that she likes to.)

 

Peace out,

Samara

Advertisements

88 responses to I Still Have More Depraved Stories To Tell

  1. 

    I’m thinking Wonder Women group shot. In front of the school in September…

    • 

      Will you dress up as a Superhero, Ned?

      Cause THAT I could really get on board with. Oh, yeah.

      • 

        Maybe if there are several magic lassos involved.

      • 

        You’re going to have to email about those…

      • 

        …TJ Lubrano’s Wonder Woman artwork? It rocks!

      • 

        I have. I adore it.
        And her.

      • 

        She does so much to encourage my daughter to keep drawing art.

      • 

        She’s seriously one of the kindest people I know.

        She actually commented on my sisterwives bio page. She’s the only one. What a sweetie.

      • 

        She is a sweetie.

        But oy vey, Samara, I’ll take a hint… gimme a sec and I’ll take a closer look at this bio page thing. I do understand what it’s like to put a lot of work into something and then I can’t get people to notice it…

      • 

        Oh, it wasn’t a hint!

        I don’t think anyone has commented on anybody’s bio pages. For realz! No one!

        I was completely blown away that she did – that’s what I meant. Crap. She’s just one of a kind. She has such a huge heart.

        I’m so glad she’s encouraging your daughter’s art work.

      • 

        Oh no worries… I’ve been checking. There are comments, just not lots, and not yet for everyone. Y’know how it is. Give it time, and they will come. Sometimes, though, it doesn’t hurt to give a nudge… and I took one, even if it wasn’t intended 😉

        Can’t sleep? I crashed four hours ago, but the pain has gotten me up again. I know blue light from a computer screen doesn’t help me at all with that, but, well, y’know.

      • 

        Yeah, I suffer from chronic insomnia. Most people on wordpress know that by now, I think.

        I frequently found wandering around the blogosphere at all hours of the night (and morning).

      • 

        Finally got to yours (I’m winding through all of them, and I have something to say to all the #sisterwives, because they are that awesome) and… wait, what? But there’s a comment by Jennie…. did you mean, “the only one who isn’t a fellow sisterwife”?

        Tahira remains awesome, of course.

      • 

        Yes, yes. That’s what I meant. Crap.

        She is my blog wife, so of course she’s going to go in there and tell me I’m all pretty and stuff.

        But Tahira just gives and gives and asks nothing in return.

      • 

        No worries. I’m a big believer in “pay it forward” or at least “pay in kind”, so I will continue to act accordingly.

        TJ has been a great inspiration to my daughter, but I’m really hoping that Cimmy will start sharing more of her art here on WordPress, because she’s got a lot of talent as well. Like mother, like daughter.

    • 

      Have you guys seen…

  2. 
    NotAPunkRocker June 26, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Good going you all!

  3. 

    Courtney Love is the scariest human being to have ever lived.

    • 

      I just laughed so hard my stomach hurts.

      Do you know you can actually google “Courtney Love herpes” and just get hundreds of pictures of her with herpes on her face?

      I KNOW STUFF.

  4. 

    Hahah…You rock, my friend.

  5. 

    I am totally jealous. Deanna doesn’t talk to me like that. She’s all nice and proper when she talks to me.

  6. 

    My employer is lucky if I wear pants to work let alone out in public to “play.” You TELL those damn kindergarten moms!

  7. 

    Looks great, Samara. You guys rock! I’m excited for you.

    • 

      I’m excited too, Amy.

      I just don’t know if I can keep my own blog up. Yikes.

      I wish I was like Rara and only slept 2 hours a night. That would help.

      • 

        I can barely keep up one! At least this effort will be a group endeavor where it’s not all on you. Sometimes I wish I didn’t need sleep, too, or food. Being human is exhausting, isn’t it?

      • 

        Yes.

        And I’m positively guilt ridden that I haven’t been to your blog.
        I’m stopping there soon.

        And you’re going to submit stuff for us, right?
        Especially if you feel like you have a story to tell that you don’t feel like sharing on your blog.
        But even if you would- you can just tell people you’re guest blogging for us.

        This was a dream for a long time before it became a reality. I just want to create a really safe place in the blogosphere for people to unite, and feel love.

        Is that corny?

      • 

        I’d love to do a post. I’m not sure what I would write just yet. Don’t worry about not stopping by. I know you will when you can. Besides, I’m kind of drifting at the moment. 🙂

        Not at all! Love and unity is good for all of us and is what we need most.

      • 

        Well, over the next month the 9 of us will be posting some of the really hard stories. And today’s post lists all the kinds of things we’re looking for.

        I’m supposed to go first. Monday.
        I’m getting cold feet…

      • 

        I know you’ll be great, you’ll be fine. I’ll be there!

  8. 

    I think it would be nice if you all made an announcement that I am the official male court jester of the sister wives project… and honorary holder of some sort of title… like: ‘That dude who is frighteningly in touch with his feminine side’ or ‘That one guy who doesn’t drive us all crazy because he doesn’t take being a man too seriously’ or ‘That asshole who threatened to sick the ACLU on us and start a lawsuit if we didn’t let him into our awesome club’… or even: ‘The one guy on the planet that we all love so much that we have decided to pretend he has a vagina’… oh, and awesome post… you go, girlfriend.

  9. 

    I am really excited about Sisterwives. I can’t wait to start reading on a regular basis. 🙂

  10. 

    Thank you for posting another sexy pic. of a very sexy lady. Daddy likes! I have visited Sister Wives and am following. Congrats and all that. I’m going to spend the afternoon imagining what Miss Love’s hair smells like (I’ll bet it’s chaos and self loathing. Yum!)

  11. 

    *crosses eyes* so I blanked and didn’t even post a link for today! Still, I helped write – can I get a free ‘out’ on this one? WELL DONE YOU for sending people over and publicising and making it happen. You are a POWERHOUSE.

    Good for you for walking, for wearing a “fuck off” tee, and for being you, in the face of…I don’t even know how to describe it but it makes me want to be very bitchy, so I’ll stop.

    • 

      *preens under Lizzi’s praising words*

      I lurve my Patti Smith tee shirts.

      And you don’t need an “out.” You’re a powerhouse yourself, lovely.

  12. 

    You girls have been busy! Great! I have been lagging behind things but will go make a visit and and follow…..onward bound! or not….LOL

  13. 

    The Kindergarten Mom Mafia disliked you on the first day because of what you would wear on the last day. They are not as dumb as they look.

    • 

      What does that even mean?

      That I should be disliked because I’m a Patti Smith fan?

      Should I have worn a Taylor Swift tee shirt? Would that have been more acceptable? 🙂

      • 

        Taylor Swift would be a huge improvement but music / message T shirts sounds a bit casual for your ladies. They know what it takes to present yourself to their standard and if you can’t or don’t want to do that they will wonder what else you can’t or don’t want to do.
        They wouldn’t wonder for practical reasons, just for entertainment since they have already written you off. If you looked and spoke like them and had a suitable high-earning husband it would have gone differently for a start but you would still have a culture clash I reckon.

        Visible tattoos are catching, that alone would be enough to make them keep their kids away from you.

        We had to send my boy to a snooty school for a few years, and earlier I had spent a few years living and socialising in the most stuck-up neighborhood in town. The social climbers wouldn’t give you much of a chance here either. Very unfair on your boy but they are quite strategic about child influences and their own friendships.

        The Sisterwives blog looks great so far, may i lurk?

      • 

        I wrote all about this on my guest post for Laura Lord; did you read that?

        I don’t need or want a suitable high earning husband. I’m fully independent and like it that way.

        “Honey, can I have some money to pick up tampons at the drug store?”

        No. Thanks.

        To be honest, tattoos have actually lost their meaning to where pampered wealthy housewives have them, much to my disgust. And I really didn’t have on a shirt that said the word “Fuck” on it, but it WAS a Patti Smith tee. Too bad!

        YES, by all means lurk. Do more. Submit stories to us. Get involved. You have a voice. USE IT!!!

  14. 

    Grrl, you and your screen caps. I love them! And you. Happy weekend!

    • 

      That was such a frenzied, hilarious, exhilarating last minute show of teamwork! Holy shite!

      Darn theme. Without a post image, you can’t tell there’s a new post. We were getting no traffic. I realized that, and we had 10 minutes before I had to leave to get Little Dude.

      And we flew into action like Superheroes!

    • 

      Oh, and by the way, did you see what I was talking about?
      Crazy, right?

  15. 

    Samara, it is quite cool to see you so worked up about the SisterWives project. Nice. Very nice, my friend. And I’m pretty convinced you will not ignore the Buick side of your blog life.

    • 

      Thanks, Mark!

      This was a long time in the making. Jennie and I talked about doing something like this last year, when we first met.

      And then…our support group happened. And everything just fell into place.

      I’m going to try to keep up the Buick, but I’m an admin on the SisterWives blog, and it kind of takes up EVERY WAKING MOMENT. hahahahaha

  16. 

    I always hear I look like Wonder Woman. But I think that is just my intimidating stature.

    I need to go check out this sister wives thing. But I miss your depraved stories. I posted mine about losing my virginity. It’s called Losing It, if you’re interested (you know you are).

    • 

      Wonder Woman onya!
      (What does “onya” mean?)

      I TOLD you, I still have more depraved stories to tell!
      (Psst! C’mere!) *looks around*
      You want depraved? Tomorrow on the Sisterwives blog, I finally talk about my abusive husband. I think you’ll find it sufficiently fucked up.

      If I can survive the comments I promise to visit! xo

      • 

        It sounds fucked up, but not the kind I tend to enjoy. But I’ll still read it and love your writing at the very least.

When I see the orange light, I have a BLOGASM...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s