For those painfully self-absorbed (most people, myself included)
Amy Glass is a blogger who wrote the most disturbing attack on female domesticity since Victorian England labeled homemakers “The Fifth Class.”
She does. And she’s not.
It was perhaps one of the most inflammatory, vituperative attacks on personal choice the blog world has seen in a long time.
It went viral times infinity – even to the point where it turned up on Fox news this past weekend.
It was completely literal and the message summed up in the title.
She thinks being a wife and mother is a pathetic, life stunting choice.
The entire Internet is screaming that this woman has bastardized feminism.
While it’s true that she cannot spell (yes, she misspells, so you can start feeling superior) and her blog is not particularly well executed; she strings sentences together without pausing for breath or pacing,
she (I’m not even sure she’s a “she” or an “it” or a cleverly executed PR move for Thought Catalogue or an ad for blood pressure medicine)
One post has gotten tens of thousands, perhaps millions? of people engaged.
Isn’t that the point? To get us thinking?
Now to THE POST.
She says the kind of things nobody would DARE say.
When people clicked, they were expecting, Urban Hipster Irony.
There was none.
She says things like,
“We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them.”
Why DO we celebrate this shit? I’m tired of it. It IS really mundane. Marriage is SO mundane.
I managed to avoid getting married the longest of EVERY SINGLE ONE of my friends and for THAT – I’d like a party.
As for having children, well, that happened as a result of a deal I made with God.
And while it’s not “super easy” to get knocked up – I get what she’s saying. Do I really have to come to your third baby shower?
Let’s throw a party when your husband has a vasectomy. That’s an accomplishment. Have you read the statistics on overpopulation lately?
She goes a bit awry, here, though:
“I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance.”
Backpacking through Asia is disgusting. I will MAKE the woman who does that TAKE a shower before she enters my home; actually, I’ll hose her off in my driveway.
She hits stay-at-home-moms where they live HARD with this one:
“Women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments.”
As much as this is SO obnoxious, where I live – IT IS SO TRUE.
Of course, it only represents a tiny sector of the population. But it’s dead on.
They have help who clean their homes, cook their meals, raise their children. Their main responsibility kicks in between the hours of 3 and 6, when they have to figure out how to shuttle 3 kids around to various activities.
Which, by all accounts, is EXHAUSTING. They complain about this to me endlessly.
Something they’d be better off forgoing completely. Your kid isn’t going to play professional soccer, so how about you do homework with him during those hours so he’s not a complete idiot by the time I meet him, okay?
Amy Glass is not a Feminazi.
She’s Femi-Hitler. She goes right for my psychic jugular, and speaks the truth:
“No woman who will ever be exceptional will have a family and raise kids.”
I agree. When you level the playing field level.
I do not find raising kids and being a homemaker to be exceptional. Sorry.
I was a SAHM when my son was small. My brain atrophied in the worst possible way. I found myself singing Barney songs in the car – when HE WASN’T IN IT.
I continue to raise him, be a homemaker, and balance that with my career.
The only women, IN MY OPINION, who get to be exceptional while having a family – like brain surgeons and nuclear physicists – exploit Haitian women named Hazel into raising their children.
If you’re Beyoncé, and you never have to change a diaper – you can continue on the path the Illuminati has deemed rightfully yours, and continue World Domination.
But by and large? I knew the moment I became pregnant, my chances for ever being exceptional were over.
I knew that my deepest dreams and desires were over. I knew that I would never be able do devote the time and energy to the things I love, and excel at all of the them, the way I once did, when I was single and childless.
I joked with another blogger on his post the other day about being a gym rat. Because he blogged about staring at a woman in the gym who was doing chin ups relentlessly, I mourned the days when I used to be able to do 20 of them.
Those days are GONE.
Not because of my age, or my job, or my writing.
I can write, work and still work out 2 hours a day. If I DIDN’T HAVE A CHILD.
Does doing those pull ups contribute to society? Advance anyone creatively, spiritually, intellectually?
Did doing them make me, exceptional?
Yes, actually it did. Women anatomically do not have the kind of upper body strength to accommodate their own body weight. It took years of hard work to accomplish that, and I liked being extremely strong.
The fact that I can do two on a good day depresses me.
The fact that I’m banging this post out before my son comes barreling home from his hip hop dance class is frustrating.
The fact that my business will never be as lucrative as it could be because I’ve stopped putting in 14 hour days concerns me.
Because I’m a mom, there are many ways in which I will not be exceptional.
All of my other commitments are time-sensitive. The work day – has a finite beginning and end. Blogging has choices.
Not being a mom. I can’t call in sick to being a mom. Skip a day, a week, or a month being a mom – like you can, with blogging.
YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. Unless you’re very, very wealthy.
Amy Glass was a bitch for deciding her choices were superior to everyone else’s.
And for making women everywhere who juggle motherhood and working feel like somehow, we fail a little at both.
Because we do.
When I am exceptional at my job, I neglect my kid.
When I write, my business is left untended.
When I spend all day Saturday baking cookies and watching Percy Jackson movies with my kid, blogging disappears.
I’m only one person.
Tens of thousands of women FREAKED and wrote comments and posts to Amy Glass, because she spoke to a place they don’t want to acknowledge.
WE CAN’T HAVE IT ALL.
There is lots of interesting and constructive discourse to be had regarding the societal expectation for a woman to reproduce, and maintain domesticity.
Amy Glass isn’t contributing in an original way to ANY of those conversations.
It broke the code of silence that she felt oppressed so many white women in their silly little suburban lives.
And French existentialist feminist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir.
In a famous 1975 dialogue between these two powerhouses in the Saturday Review, right around when Erica Jong was shaking up the literary universe with her “Zipless Fuck” (please tell me you’ve all read Fear of Flying, even the men, even the young men),
de Beauvoir says,
“No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one. It is a way of forcing women in a certain direction.
So, none of this is new.
It’s not about the idea. It’s how it’s delivered.
It’s the shockingly judgemental tone.
It’s her Hannibal Lechter capacity to eat your soul with fava beans and a nice Chianti that has turned the estrosphere into a pack of rabid dogs.
Regardless of whether I agree or disagree with Amy Glass; whether she exists or is really just the latest cyber bid for explosive media attention, now that everyone’s gotten over Miley’s twerking,
What she and everyone is forgetting is THE REAL ARGUMENT HERE:
That we have to foster the future, not only through the accomplishment of career, be it science, technology, medicine, or the written word,
BUT THAT WE HAVE TO FOSTER THE FUTURE BY CREATING THE NEXT GENERATION.
It is someone’s responsibility to have children.
Unless Amy Glass would have us all die out.
Amy Glass is right. Having chosen once to get married, and now that I have a child,
I don’t have the time, energy or freedom or mobility to live the life I think is “exceptional.”
And I have settled. For extraordinary.
Which is what life with my child is.
Also – the OTHER thing EVERYONE has forgotten?
She is an asshole on the internet. I’m just an asshole on the Internet.
She is a faceless voice. At the end of the day, did she change anything about the way you live/look/act/raise your children/do your job/feel about yourself?
WHY do we continue to get worked up over things we read? As offensive as her blog post was,
As in all things,
HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.
She’s a bunch of words, blinking at you on a computer screen.