I AGREE WITH AMY GLASS AND I’M NOT SORRY

January 29, 2014 — 152 Comments

awkward feminazi

 

For those painfully self-absorbed (most people, myself included)

Amy Glass is a blogger who wrote the most disturbing attack on female domesticity since Victorian England labeled homemakers “The Fifth Class.”

I Look Down on Young Woman With Husbands and Kids and I’m Not Sorry”

She does. And she’s not.

 

It was perhaps one of the most inflammatory, vituperative attacks on personal choice the blog world has seen in a long time.

It went viral times infinity – even to the point where it turned up on Fox news this past weekend.

It was completely literal and the message summed up in the title.

She thinks being a wife and mother is a pathetic, life stunting choice.

The entire Internet is screaming that this woman has bastardized feminism.

While it’s true that she cannot spell (yes, she misspells, so you can start feeling superior) and her blog is not particularly well executed; she strings sentences together without pausing for breath or pacing,

she (I’m not even sure she’s a “she” or an “it” or a cleverly executed PR move for Thought Catalogue or an ad for blood pressure medicine)

has people

TALKING.

THINKING.

One post has gotten tens of thousands, perhaps millions? of people engaged.

Isn’t that the point? To get us thinking?

 

Now to THE POST.

She says the kind of things nobody would DARE say.

When people clicked, they were expecting, Urban Hipster Irony.

There was none.

She says things like,

“We have baby showers and wedding parties as if it’s a huge accomplishment and cause for celebration to be able to get knocked up or find someone to walk down the aisle with. These aren’t accomplishments, they are actually super easy tasks, literally anyone can do them.”

 

Why DO we celebrate this shit? I’m tired of it. It IS really mundane. Marriage is SO mundane.

I managed to avoid getting married the longest of EVERY SINGLE ONE of my friends and for THAT – I’d like a party.

As for having children, well, that happened as a result of a deal I made with God. 

And while it’s not “super easy” to get knocked up – I get what she’s saying. Do I really have to come to your third baby shower?

Let’s throw a party when your husband has a vasectomy. That’s an accomplishment. Have you read the statistics on overpopulation lately?

She goes a bit awry, here, though:
“I want to have a shower for a woman when she backpacks on her own through Asia, gets a promotion, or lands a dream job not when she stays inside the box and does the house and kids thing which is the path of least resistance.”

Backpacking through Asia is disgusting. I will MAKE the woman who does that TAKE a shower before she enters my home; actually, I’ll hose her off in my driveway.

She hits stay-at-home-moms where they live HARD with this one:

“Women secretly like to talk about how hard managing a household is so they don’t have to explain their lack of real accomplishments.”

BOO-YAH!

As much as this is SO obnoxious, where I live – IT IS SO TRUE.

Of course, it only represents a tiny sector of the population. But it’s dead on.

They have help who clean their homes, cook their meals, raise their children. Their main responsibility kicks in between the hours of 3 and 6, when they have to figure out how to shuttle 3 kids around to various activities.

Which, by all accounts, is EXHAUSTING. They complain about this to me endlessly.

Something they’d be better off forgoing completely. Your kid isn’t going to play professional soccer, so how about you do homework with him during those hours so he’s not a complete idiot by the time I meet him, okay?

 

Amy Glass is not a Feminazi.

She’s Femi-Hitler. She goes right for my psychic jugular,  and speaks the truth:

“No woman who will ever be exceptional will have a family and raise kids.”

I agree. When you level the playing field level.

I do not find raising kids and being a homemaker to be exceptional. Sorry.

I was a SAHM when my son was small. My brain atrophied in the worst possible way. I found myself singing Barney songs in the car – when HE WASN’T IN IT.

I continue to raise him, be a homemaker, and balance that with my career.

 

The only women, IN MY OPINION,  who get to be exceptional while having a family – like brain surgeons and nuclear physicists – exploit Haitian women named Hazel into raising their children.

If you’re Beyoncé, and you never have to change a diaper – you can continue on the path the Illuminati has deemed rightfully yours, and continue World Domination.

But by and large? I knew the moment I became pregnant, my chances for ever being exceptional were over.

I knew that my deepest dreams and desires were over. I knew that I would never be able do devote the time and energy to the things I love, and excel at all of the them, the way I once did, when I was single and childless.

I joked with another blogger on his post the other day about being a gym rat. Because he blogged about staring at a woman in the gym who was doing chin ups relentlessly, I mourned the days when I used to be able to do 20 of them.

Those days are GONE.

Not because of my age, or my job, or my writing.

I can write, work and still work out 2 hours a day. If I DIDN’T HAVE A CHILD.

Does doing those pull ups contribute to society? Advance anyone creatively, spiritually, intellectually?

NO.

Did doing them make me, exceptional?

Yes, actually it did. Women anatomically do not have the kind of upper body strength to accommodate their own body weight. It took years of hard work to accomplish that, and I liked being extremely strong.

The fact that I can do two on a good day depresses me.

The fact that I’m banging this post out before my son comes barreling home from his hip hop dance class is frustrating.

The fact that my business will never be as lucrative as it could be because I’ve stopped putting in 14 hour days concerns me.

 

Because I’m a mom, there are many ways in which I will not be exceptional.

All of my other commitments are time-sensitive. The work day – has a finite beginning and end. Blogging has choices.

Not being a mom. I can’t call in sick to being a mom.  Skip a day, a week, or a month being a mom – like you can, with blogging.

 

YOU CAN’T HAVE IT ALL. Unless you’re very, very wealthy.

 

Amy Glass was a bitch for deciding her choices were superior to everyone else’s.

And for making women everywhere who juggle motherhood and working feel like somehow, we fail a little at both.

Because we do.

When I am exceptional at my job, I neglect my kid.

When I write, my business is left untended.

When I spend all day Saturday baking cookies and watching Percy Jackson movies with my kid, blogging disappears.

I’m only one person.

Tens of thousands of women FREAKED and wrote comments and posts to Amy Glass, because she spoke to a place they don’t want to acknowledge.

 

WE CAN’T HAVE IT ALL.

There is lots of interesting and constructive discourse to be had regarding the societal expectation for a woman to reproduce, and maintain domesticity.

Amy Glass isn’t contributing in an original way to ANY of those conversations.

I’m not sure why everyone is carrying on so. I thought most people were aware of iconic feminist Betty Friedan, author of landmark feminist publication, “The Feminine Mystique.

It broke the code of silence that she felt oppressed so many white women in their silly little suburban lives.

And French existentialist feminist philosopher Simone de Beauvoir.

In a famous 1975 dialogue between these two powerhouses in the Saturday Review, right around when Erica Jong was shaking up the literary universe with her “Zipless Fuck” (please tell me you’ve all read Fear of Flying, even the men, even the young men),

de Beauvoir says,

“No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one. It is a way of forcing women in a certain direction.

 

So, none of this is new.

It’s not about the idea. It’s how it’s delivered.

It’s the shockingly judgemental tone.

It’s her Hannibal Lechter capacity to eat your soul with fava beans and a nice Chianti that has turned the estrosphere into a pack of rabid dogs.

 

Regardless of whether I agree or disagree with Amy Glass;  whether she exists or is really just the latest cyber bid for explosive media attention, now that everyone’s gotten over Miley’s twerking,

What she and everyone is forgetting is THE REAL ARGUMENT HERE:

That we have to foster the future, not only through the accomplishment of career, be it science, technology, medicine, or the written word,

BUT THAT WE HAVE TO FOSTER THE FUTURE BY CREATING THE NEXT GENERATION. 

It is someone’s responsibility to have children.

Unless Amy Glass would have us all die out.

 

Amy Glass is right. Having chosen once to get married, and now that I have a child,

I don’t have the time, energy or freedom or mobility to live the life I think is “exceptional.”

And I have settled. For extraordinary.

Which is what life with my child is.

 

Also – the OTHER  thing EVERYONE has forgotten?

She is an asshole on the internet. I’m just an asshole on the Internet.

She is a faceless voice. At the end of the day, did she change anything about the way you live/look/act/raise your children/do your job/feel about yourself?

WHY do we continue to get worked up over things we read? As offensive as her blog post was,

As in all things,

HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR.

She’s a bunch of words, blinking at you on  a computer screen.

UNPLUG HER.

Goodnight, Amy.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Advertisements

152 responses to I AGREE WITH AMY GLASS AND I’M NOT SORRY

  1. 

    Two chin ups ain’t too bad, sista! I hadn’t read that post by that woman, but she sounds like a miserably unhappy person who’s snatch probably smells funny. Do people still say snatch? I love the word…I totally laughing at myself right now. Okay then, toodles! Oh, and you can totally still be exceptional my dear.

  2. 

    I don’t want it all, but I have all I want.

    Except I probably should go out and pick up a husband this afternoon, after the snow is cleared from the parking lot. Do you think the stores are sold out with the snow panic recently? Oh dear…

    I haven’t read Fear of Flying in years. I may have a snow day project now.

  3. 

    When I was reading your post here, I went through alternate feelings of anger (not engraged blood-spitting anger because I don’t really do that kind of anger!), and then agreeing fully, and then reluctantly partly agreeing, and then anger again! It’s good to raise the issues and talk about them, and admit certain things (to ourselves if nothing else). Those who haven’t been a parent, can’t fully appreciate how it totally directs and controls your life (unless like you say, you can pay for lots of staff to do everything), so then you make a choice about whether to embrace the role, or resent it and lament forever about how it has held you back back from achieving everything you wanted to achieve (and when I say ‘you’ I don’t mean specifically you!).

    • 

      I suppose I’m wistful – not full out lamenting.

      I never planned on having children. And then I did.

      I’ve accepted that for me, it means not attaining the goals I once set for myself.

      But I also get to experience a love the likes of which I never imagined. So, there’s that.

      A tradeoff. Like most things, I suppose.

      Thank you for commenting. I love you when you stop by!

  4. 

    I love “Zipless Fuck”!

    But Samara, I disagree. Not vehemently, not angrily, because I read the piece by this Amy Glass and thought, damn. She needs to get laid.

    She didn’t make me angry. She didn’t hit me where I live.

    Mommy bloggers annoy me. Feminazis annoy me. Knee-jerk social justice warriors annoy me.

    You know why? Because they’re walking stereotypes. And therein lies the meaning of that word she throws around, “exceptional”.

    Exceptional-unusual, not typical. That’s all the word means.

    You can be exceptional no matter what you are, or what you do, or whether you have one child or ten or work in a factory or work in a space shuttle.

    I think her rant was mean-spirited and short-sighted. I think gender stereotyping has gotten out of control. Now men are supposed to be gentle, flower-sniffing creatures and women are now supposed to be emotionless automatons who no longer procreate or need love.

    I mean, seriously. Be who you are. I have a child. I’m a bartender. Sometimes I do domestic things. Sometimes I write. I think my days of being exceptional are still ahead of me.

    I’ll be exceptional when I’m dying in bed. Because I’m me.

    It’s a state of mind.

    • 

      Hey Nicki!
      Her rant was designed to upset people. All her rants are.

      She’s written one called, “If you don’t want him cheating, why don’t you stay in shape, you big loser?”

      It’s not called that, but that’s the gist.

      But we’ll have to agree to disagree on the meaning of the word exceptional.

      I think the fact that you feel it’s a state of mind is a testament to your high self esteem. I don’t know that I feel that way.

      For me, it’s a state of accomplishment. One I will never quite achieve. I’m not so much blaming my child as I am understanding that I made a choice.

      For what it’s worth, I think you’re exceptional, too!

      • 

        Awww, thanks, girl. I read your comment and I thought, do I have high self esteem? And yes, I do. I think it’s because I’ve been through so much I seriously shouldn’t be alive. Stuff I’ve posted isn’t even the teensiest tip of the iceberg. But somehow, that led to me valuing my own life and feeling purposeful. And I do love myself, at last. I wish you could join me in this land. It’s awesome.

      • 

        Someday, Nicki girl, I will join you in the land of Awesome.

        And Bill Murray will be there.

        And we will all be in bathrobes made of Twizzlers.

      • 

        And I’m not being smug. I just see great things in you, and it sucks that you doubt yourself.

    • 

      Yes Nicki. I agree with your take on Amy’s rant. The Betty Friedans, more than anything, lamented the lack of voice mothers and housewives had, We mostly know now, that wasn’t for lack of opinion or thoughtful discourse, and feminism isn’t about employing the birth canal or not.
      However, assuming Amy Glass, and anyone else who espouses that narrow of a view, want the human race to continue, someone has to do the job of raising the next generation. Of course there are aspects to it that suck and others with heart-bursting rewards, just like any other job. Some choose to do it with full-time attention or job-share it with a nanny or family support. In all cases, there are exceptional C.O.O.s, crappy ones, and the rest of us in the middle. Luckily for the human race, the majority of people raisers do a great job of nurturing good and decent contributors to society. Amy Glass et al seem to believe these grow on trees.

  5. 

    I don’t particularly care for the kind of blogging people like her do. (Can you tell I’m Southern? I’m going to start dropping some “bless-her-hearts” in a minute.) It’s inflammatory, and it relies on her making broad statements damning people she doesn’t even know. She gets a reaction because her words are personal and impersonal at the same time. It also perpetuates an “us vs. them” mentality; she knows that the mommy wars exist and her words fan the flames. Why have a kid if you’re not miserable doing it? Yay! We can all be unhappy and ruined together!

    As for the case for exceptionality, I think it’s important to question why we value it so much. Maybe instead of placing such a high premium on doing everything so perfectly, we should be questioning what values motivate us to do what we do.

    Love ya, Samara. Thanks for letting me assume the soapbox position, which I rarely, if ever, do ❤

    • 

      Totally with you doll, I have yet to read the original post and don’t really feel like doing it because nastily pointing out we can’t have it all, isn’t news. I know that but I also know that I’m very proud of my children. There is so much to me that makes me exceptional and I feel there is more coming.

      And I’m over the Mommy Wars. I have stayed at home until my brain atrophied (they were in middle school) and now I’m at work and I can tell you which one is more fulfilling 🙂

      • 

        Mommy wars, like all wars, suck.

        This post wasn’t even part of the mommy wars, though.

        It was like the post zombie apocalypse NO-Mommies allowed war.

        She’s an intense blogger. If “she” even exists. I have my doubts.

      • 

        I don’t have time to read the blogs I love right now so I am going to take your word for it!

    • 

      Em, are you going to start “y’all-ing” too? I would LOVE that!

      The us vs them mommy wars suck. I hate those.

      Us vs them in general sucks. And I love how you craft words.
      This: her words are personal and impersonal at the same time
      How are you able to articulate this? This is so spot on!

      Please get on your soap box anytime.
      big love,
      S

  6. 

    I’ve seen a lot of this type of hating lately. For instance there was this post which I thought was just mean spirited and said: “People are not allowed to be happy in a manner which I don’t find acceptable.” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ashley-hesseltine/facebook-engagement-posts_b_4302492.html

    It annoys me, because people seem to have this opinion that other people should only enjoy themselves in ways that they see fit. And heaven forbid that happiness actually intrudes on their lives.

    Maybe I’ve become more sensitive to this because one of my goals has been to be less disparaging of other people’s interests. If my friend wants to spend all his free time playing video games, do I really have the right to judge him and tell him he’s wasting his time? Really, who am I to judge?

    But as you said, why does Amy Glass matter? She’s just someone with different opinions who happened to get her opinion made famous. If you feel diminished because some a-hole on the internet doesn’t approve of your life choices, then maybe you’ve got some insecurities of your own.

    • 

      “If my friend wants to spend all his free time playing video games, do I really have the right to judge him and tell him he’s wasting his time?”

      YES. Please tell him there are little people planted inside those games that are slowly EATING HIS BRAIN.
      That’s what I tell my son.

      Amy Glass doesn’t matter.

      Unplug. Click. Goodnight, Amy.

  7. 

    I didn’t realize that Home Depot sold such broad brushes…lol. I read that rant (or is it a post? both can live comfortably in a shoe box) and it too didn’t really push my buttons. Not much does these days, in a good way. Inflammation for inflammation sake is great for hemmorroids, but not for much else. I am not female, but not sure if it would affect me much any way. I mention this not because I am the Love Guru or anything like that, but context is in order.

    I spent almost my adult life (I am in my 40’s now) looking for validation. From anyone and everyone. From anything outside myself. I found, for 25 years, that alcohol was one way of falsely looking for something outside of me to take me outside of me. It didn’t work for long, but kept chugging any way. A post like that would have rattled my chains, would have given me reason to rally around something that frankly, had nothing to do with me.

    The clarity and serenity I have found these days, sober, is that the validation and acceptance I sought in others was always there – inside. I didn’t need to compare myself or seek an outside opinion to make me feel exceptional or even human. I learned that I am enough. What others think of me is none of my business.

    Opinions come and go and there will be strong opinions mounted on the interweb. If that’s the marker for being an asshole, then I am an asshole too :). I am free to mark my territory or sniff those who marked before me. It’s up to me how I react or take it in. Usually when someone rails against something, there is something that is going on that is deeper than just a disagreement. If I didn’t really care about something, I wouldn’t rail against it.

    Amy sure does have a lot of responses. It fodder for sure. But at the end of the day, I have to look in the mirror and like what I see, like where I am at with myself and not measure myself to someone’s opinion of what wholeness and completeness looks like.

    Peace to all.

    Paul
    An asshole… 🙂

    • 

      “Inflammation for inflammation sake is great for hemmorroids,”-
      haha – actually, much better for Preparation H, no?

      Amy Glass’s post didn’t so much measure my wholeness or completeness as it spoke to something I’ve felt since I gave birth.

      She’s just very mean. I think there were, something like 2000 comments? Or 4000? I don’t know, impossible to keep track.

  8. 

    After reading this post from Amy Glass (I didn’t even know it went viral), I couldn’t help but think there’s something missing. It lacks heart and soul. Life satisfaction is not just a matter of life accomplishments or a job title. I don’t hear her talking about happiness and well being. We all make sacrifices as parents and that comes with the territory. It’s possible to be exceptional at something and miserable in your life too. It’s not about having it all, but adjusting your expectations and becoming exceptional about making decisions, and doing those things that bring the most value to your life. Balance! What does having it all mean anyway? That answer will be different for everyone.

    • 

      As always, you are on the money, Amy.

      She says nothing about happiness and well being.
      I’m not sure she has a heart. I’m not convinced she’s a “she.”
      And she says nothing about balance. Which we all need.

  9. 

    Samara, exceptional is a point of view. Everyone has their own ideas of what exceptional is. The fact that you find time to write, run a business, and raise your child (and do well at all three) is exceptional in my opinion.

    Not everyone is going to change the world. Not everyone can have the renown or wealth of Beyonce or the twerking twat. Not having those things doesn’t make you ordinary. In my most humblest of opinions, what makes a person exceptional is the content of their heart. How they treat people. The kindness they show others. Compassion. Concern. Shining a positive light on those who know you.

    I admit I haven’t the slightest fucking clue what feminism is because it means something different to everyone. To me, as long as you have the right to choose to live your life the way you want to live it (whether that be stay at home mom, have a career, etc) then you have what you need.

    • 

      “twerking twat”

      There have been more interesting euphemisms for that body part on my comment section than ever before. I wonder why?

      Thank you for thinking I’m exceptional.

      My point is, doing all three, is what prevents me from being exceptional.

      My blogging (I’m not fishing for compliments) is solid, at best. Exceptional female bloggers? Madame Weebles. Jennie Saia. Rara.

      My business is solid, it pays the bills, but it could be so much more. If only it was.

      The closest I come to exceptional is as a mom. And that’s because Little Dude didn’t ask to be born. So, he deserves the best part of me.

      The Beatles were exceptional. hehehe

      • 

        I think it’s interesting in seeing how we judge ourselves as “exceptional” or not. It depends on the yardstick, I suppose. We’re hardest on ourselves. At least I am hardest on me. If I weren’t writing the best-seller or being hounded by hordes of well-wishers (like the aformentioned Beatles) or being first place in Extreme Knitting Class VII (Death Class) then I was a *failure*. Or at least, okay. A DNA dud of a dude.

        Madame W, Jennie and Rara, etc. might be your yardsticks. I bet you dollars to donuts that you are the yardstick for many, many others. Ask those ladies where their yardstick is and you’d probably be surprised. It’s all relative.

        I know where you speak from, and I can tell ya that you’re exceptional ’till my teeth and eyes fall out (not pretty), but unless you feel that for yourself, then it’s just hot air. Then again, some compliments never hurt, eh? lol

        TD makes great points, and agree wholeheartedly.

        Little Dude is a lucky one. And so is anyone who crosses your path (and I say that without really knowing ya, you know? But that’s the vibe I get. I am not usually wrong about these things…don’t dispute me! lol)

        I’ll step aside now. Time for a haircut 🙂

        Paul

      • 

        Paul-
        You’re another one of those things/people/bloggers/ that makes me feel I must have done something right.

        Every interaction we have leaves me feeling very good about myself.

        You should know that about yourself. It’s a very special quality.

      • 

        Well, like I said. Exceptional is a point of view. It, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe your business could be doing better. Maybe your blog could be doing better. Just because those things are true doesn’t lessen your worth as a person.

        Everybody has their own idea of what’s exceptional. Me? I think you’re just judging yourself too harshly. And since I’m an expert at that, I think I’m qualified to make that statement.

        So shut your exceptional mouth up! 😉

      • 

        Ummm-

        That was kinda hot.

        Did that just get weird?

      • 

        Ha! Not at all, surprisingly.

      • 

        hehe, TD said what I could not.

        Little Dude didn’t ask to be born

        *shrug* Could be. In my experience, though, my kids most definitely DID. Cimmy and I had STRONG impressions before they were even conceived. They seemed to very much want to be with us. Pull a Ripley’s, I guess… believe it, or not.

      • 

        You guys are freaky!

      • 

        I hope in the good way?

  10. 

    I agree that the post sparked conversation which is good. The blind ignorance came in when like you said, someone needs to have kids. The same point when she said women should not do housework ever with the added privelege showing through. Someone needs to do housework, does she think poverty stricken people should do her housework?

    • 

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. And to acknowledge that yes, without SOMEONE to bear children, which she apparently has no interest in,

      the human race would die out.

      And then who would read her rants?

  11. 

    Having read her post and yours, and not having any idea what’s going on, all I’m going to say is THIS ONE’S FOR YOU, WITTGENSTEIN!!!

    (And I’ll be very impressed of anyone gets the reference.)
    (Which has nothing to do with the post.)

    And if doing what they’re doing makes someone happy, Amy or a mother of nine, god bless em and have at it.

    • 

      Oh my God, you nut!
      I’m on my phone and can’t comment back to everyone yet-

      But you mean Wittgenstein, the philosopher?
      I’m a geek and a nerd! Have you forgotten?

      Basically, you’re implying nothing can be figured out by this discussion.

      Hahahaha- I’m at the gym.
      Let me do my 2 chin ups in peace.

      • 

        Nono, I’m saying *I* couldn’t figure it out. totally different.

        The line is a reference to Max Dugan Returns, with Jason Robards, Marsha Mason, and a young Matthew Broderick.

        Pull. PULL!!!

      • 

        GREAT.

        Now you just completely exposed me as the total nerd I am.

        I actually got excited at the reference to an obscure Austrian philosopher.

        I gotta get out more.

      • 

        Best line from the movie (while they were discussing Wittgenstein):

        Is there a lot of money in philosophy?

        Yes. If you have the right one.

      • 

        I did THREE today!!

      • 

        Please tell me you mimed drawing a sword after and said I HAVE THE POWER!!!

        because that is the only acceptable way to celebrate chin ups.

      • 

        Guap, I definitely don’t mime drawing a sword and say “I HAVE THE POWER.” NO.

        I try to attract as little attention as possible in the gym. I’m there to work out, not act like a FREAK. As much as my blogging personna would suggest, I’m semi-normal.

        Now I’m laughing AGAIN at something you wrote in my comment section, and my kid is saying, “Mom, what’s so funny?”

        The other day, I laughed for 5 minutes when you said,
        “Keith Richards is the guardian.”

      • 

        Nice to hear that every so often, I hit the right note.

        And now the He Man thing will be on your mind at the gym.
        One day it will slip out.

        hehehe

  12. 

    I have a girlfriend who spent YEARS and an exhausting amount of energy climbing the corporate ladder. When she got to the top, she looked around and said, “This is it? THIS is what I worked so hard and sacrificed so much for?” She then got married, had two babies and lived happily ever after. True story.

    It takes a lot of different kinds of people to make the world go ’round. No one is right. No one is wrong. It’s about personal preference and choices. CHOICES! We make choices about the direction that our lives take. And we need to stop judging each other for the choices we make. What makes you happy may not make me happy and vice-versa. But, like it or not, our relationships are symbiotic. That’s just how the world works.

    ‘Nuff said. 🙂

    • 

      Yes, I think that’s what got everyone so upset about her post.

      She had an opinion, but was so judgemental of others – it quite took everyone’s breath away. HARD.

      If you ask me, it was a PR stunt for Thought Catalog, and a brilliant one at that.

  13. 

    How about add hominy grits attacks???

  14. 

    You are, too, exceptional Samara, because you made choices, had things happen you had no say about, and put it all together to raise the kid, run a business and write a blog, on your own terms. And, I’m like Don. I haven’t read Amy Glass and will rely on your account as my Clift Notes. Thanks!

    • 

      Thanks, Mark.

      I think you’re pretty exceptional too.

      You’re nothing like Don!! Maybe just in this one way. But otherwise, not even at all…

      • 

        Don and I have different ways about our words, indeed, Samara. I read his every post for his sense of humor and his serious cop-story side, too.

        And, FYI, two chin-ups at the gym is awesome in my eyes, too.

      • 

        Aw, thank you!!

        Don is hilarious! Every comment he makes has me giggling like a mental patient!

  15. 

    “She is a faceless voice.”

    You can say that again. I read the title and said, “who”?

    Maybe I’m just too salty for my own good, but even after reading the post in question, Mz. Glass doesn’t even pique my interest. I have my own thoughts on the subject, and she doesn’t even factor into the equation.

    • 

      Which is my main conclusion.

      Unplug.

      Goodnight, Amy.

      Thanks for stopping in, Nate. Like I say, you don’t often comment. When you do, I listen.

    • 

      Nor mine.

      (I’m a disabled SAHD and I quite enjoy actively participating in the domestic, child-rearing life.)

      • 

        I wish I had the energy to rock even harder.

        The best I could do was post an Ozzy Osborne/a-ha mashup at jak & Cimmy’s Journal Jar.

      • 
        dorkmasterfunk2013 January 30, 2014 at 7:35 am

        This post is based on a post the Amy Glass wrote. It’s very thought provoking and inflamatory. F@#k Amy, she knows shit and if she does she is just cruel and mean. Samara may be on to something that she may just be a hired writter to stimulate interest and elevate blood preaseur the BIG PHARMA can sell more meds, who knows. The point is you can just turn her off, read a funny blog instead or read something that Samara writes. (she’s very enjoyable, even her dark stuff). I too was a SAHD and it sucks a big one. god bless the mommies that truly embrace that job. It’s a eff ing job that goes very un noticed. Under paid and under appreciated. Amy Glass think before you stink bitch.

      • 

        Dmaster!
        You have such good comments! Where is your blog!!

        I try not to write dark – I want the light!

        Next post will be light!

        Down with the big Pharma,
        xo,
        Samara

      • 

        Yep, I gotcha. Some stuff out in the media is just there to get people riled up.

  16. 

    I asked my 14 year old daughter “…what’s it all about?…life…what purpose does it really serve? or is it all just pain and bollocks….?”

    And she replied, with a raised eyebrow at my language (for which I apologise) “…we’re here because we’re here…and we should see the best in everyone and make it the best place we can for all…because right now where else is there to be…”

    Compassion.

    • 

      Your 14 year old is wise beyond her years.

    • 

      Your daughter is already wiser than I am.

      I’m all stuck in my head, trying to get it “right,” whatever that means, and constantly thinking I’m mucking it all up.

      “bollocks” doesn’t count as bad language on my blog. Do you READ my blog?

      Compassion. A beautiful word.

      I’d hurt less in general if more people had it.

    • 

      Well, I try not to brag about my kids (because I’m usually lamenting the trouble their smarts get them into), but your daughter sounds much like my 11-year old daughter.

      She says some interesting things when I stop and listen.

  17. 

    meh. Like they say, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. doesn’t mean I have to give a rat’s ass.
    I’m exceptionally, brilliantly fortunate to be a SAHM. I wouldn’t change it for the world (well, some days….). I do add value. I do accomplish worthy things. I don’t need her or anyone else to tell me that.
    There’s a place/role in life that’s comfortable for every woman. Amy’s crime was judgment. An opinion is one things, judging someone’s worth is another.

    xoxo Samara! 🙂

    • 

      Judgement is an understatement.

      Her tone was so intensely mean, besides giving me a full blown panic attack, I’m now convinced that she is an “it” -a PR stunt concocted by the Thought Catalog, the blogging collective “she” belongs to.

      All of her posts are so inflammatory they just can’t be true.

      Hi, Bethie girl !! I’ve missed you! What’s cooking in that vegan world of yours???

      • 

        I bet you’re right. It’s all fabricated to get a wave of press and attention.

        How sad.

        Hi my sweet friend. Loved your post about beating cancer, too. Was on my phone so didn’t comment but it was pretty amazing.
        What’s cookin’? Tonight we had tempeh tacos and they rocked the house. 😉

      • 

        I LOVE when you blogged about food! Are you going to make that a regular feature on your blog???

    • 

      Pardon me, ma’am, but I am rather a foodie, and I want to know about these tempeh tacos. I’m guessing this would be along with beans? Or just by itself, with cumin and chili seasonings…?

  18. 

    I’m adding my comment because you a good writer and deserve comments, but … I feel I lack the necessary body parts to really comment.

    • 

      Why? Matticus love, plenty of men have commented.

      Please never feel obligated to comment.

      What you SHOULD feel obligated to do is award me prize for best goddamn haiku!

      I will scurry over after work and see what you’ve cooked up today!

      • 

        I did very much enjoy your haiku. But, when you see the winner, I think you will agree it was deserved. Today I’m doing a finish the sentence prompt… it’s kind of been slow around the kingdom, though. I am very excited about tomorrow’s contest which is oh, wait, I can’t tell you that yet. Sorry. Never mind.

      • 

        You tease!!
        That’s not nice!
        I’ll be by later, promise.

      • 

        I’ll be here.
        Well, not really, but my blog will be… and the contest.
        I think. Who knows anymore.

        But, to the actual topic of this post. The Queen is a stay at home mom right now. She had a job she loved before we decided to have kids. She planned on going back to that job after The Little Prince was born. That job disappeared. The owner sold it to someone else and her role vanished. She was devastated.
        There are days she misses having something else to do.
        There are days where she is run ragged by the kiddo and can’t fathom having a career too. He’s a handful. Constant motion. Constant need for attention, interaction, touch, etc… Plus he isn’t sleeping well at night.
        But, that doesn’t mean she couldn’t do both, job and kiddo, if she wanted to. Because if her job had still been there, she would be doing both and we’d have figured out how to make that work. I have no doubts about it.
        I’m not familiar with Amy Glass, and I have no intention of clicking over to read her rant. I don’t think one choice is better or worse than any other. We all just have to do what makes sense to us. We all just have to strive to do the best with what we have. Perhaps The Queen will never be heralded as the next great dancing sensation, but she could be heralded as a great mom. Who are we to judge which one of those means more?
        And that’s all (maybe) I have to say about that. 😉

      • 

        There’s nothing more grueling than working a job outside the home and caring for a 10 month old.

        Particularly one who doesn’t sleep well at night.

        My son is 10 YEARS old and I still haven’t figured it all out.

    • 

      I think you’re qualified enough to comment, Matt. (She’s right, by the way.)

      • 

        She usually is. And I did comment eventually. It just took me a bit to figure out what I wanted to say.

      • 

        Nothing wrong with that, of course– it’s happened to me often enough. And I did see your comments. I was just scrolling down and commenting along the way, which often results in me being just a little bit behind the conversation’s curve. Hehe.

      • 

        Happens to me all the time… but, there are just so many comments!!

  19. 

    Is now a bad time to start a race war regarding your comparison of [backpacking through] Asia and your sewerage system?

  20. 

    Holy snappin’ duck shit, Samara, are there really people out there who don’t understand the irony of fighting for the freedom of choice to be unchained from the sink and then oppressing those women who choose to go back to doing the dishes?? Wake the fuck up you lot, fighting to have a choice is not synonymous with agreeing that your choice is right. Way before my Queen is a woman, she is a human being with her a brain. It is no more my job to force her into some marital stereotype than it is to corral her choices until she makes the one I think she should make…oppression by any other name. No, my job as her partner is to support both her right to choose and the choice she makes, even if that means she chooses the fucking sink. And I will happily skull-fuck with a brick any self-appointed bastion of moral outrage who puts her down for that choice. Im with Samara, extraordinary trumps exceptional any day! Faaarrk!

    • 

      OH MY DEAR GOD,
      RED IS BACK!!!

      Oh, you’ve been sorely missed around here.

      And everything you just said is so completely perfect I have nothing to add.

      Except that your Queen, as we all know, is a lucky woman.

      Now how’s that Fat Bob????

      • 

        You are too kind Darlin’, and I think my Queen is starting to figure that out haa! The Fat Bob kicks Japanese botbot, I love it!

  21. 

    Very interesting to say the least. And a big “thanks” for opening my eyes to this newsworthy topic. I had no clue. It’s a different look at the everyday, the routine, the unchallenged tradition, and I welcome it. Not her syntax exactly. But, her questioning the system speaks to me. Great post, Samara!

    • 

      She certainly had the Internet, and eventually the world outside the Internet (once it hit Fox News) buzzing.

      Get dialogue going. Just don’t take it all too seriously.

      Thanks for reading.

  22. 

    I don’t need to listen to Anne Glass putting me down and telling me I’m not exceptional. I am a wonderful wife with a wonderful husband. I made three children inside my body, I am raising three human beings who I am putting my all into raising and teaching to become independent, productive, respectful, educated members of society which is a huge responsibility. I don’t need anyone telling me I am less than I could be just because I had children, and to not celebrate just because anyone can do it.

    Everything I have in my life I am very happy with and my family is a gift which I am very grateful for, I feel fulfilled and I WILL celebrate despite whether or not someone thinks what I do is relevant.

    I would also like to add that if your choice was to not have a family and run after your dreams and goals, then good on you! If that is what you want to do with your life then it takes great courage and a lot of planning to make that decision and execute it. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to do either of these things and they shuld both be respected in their own right.

    • 

      It’s a huge, almost frightening responsibility to raise three kids.

      Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis said, “If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do matters very much.”

      Raising them to be respectful and productive is something you should be really proud of. Thank you for taking the time to read, and to comment.

      I really appreciate that you did.

      • 

        Thank you 🙂 I love that quote! And I do the very best I can with my children. One day I will be able to go out and study and make my mark on the world, but right now, and what’s most important, is what mark my children may leave on the world, hopefully not graffiti!

        I just found her post to be very mean spirited, which it didn’t need to be as we are all doing our own important things. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my comment 🙂

      • 

        “what’s most important, is what mark my children may leave on the world, hopefully not graffiti!”

        I love this!

        Yes, mean spirited was what she was going for. She was going for a reaction. Personally, I think it’s a publicity stunt for the blogging collective she belongs to.

        So glad you found your way to me, though! 🙂

  23. 

    I agree with Amy on a lot of things, actually. Having children, getting married – that’s exceptional and extraordinary to someone who goes through that, and maybe to the few closest family members and friends, because, face it, how often does each one of us gets married or has a child in their life? Maybe once, twice, three times at best (unless you’re Liz Taylor or Octomom). But the farther you are removed from that person, the less extraordinary it seems, just because there are so many others doing exactly the same thing, unless, once again, we’re talking about Taylor or Octomom. Same goes for job promotions (that’s actually even more common and therefore less exceptional than kids or marriage). Same goes for backpacking through Asia, really. It’s just a question of having the time and enough money to go for a very long walk, but while impressive, it’s not exactly a feat that no one else can possibly repeat. So Einstein, Usain Bolt (the fastest man in the world), Mozart, Michelangelo, Roald Amundsen, Edison, Machiavelli, Gandhi – they are exceptional. This is not the full list, obviously, and goes way beyond 10 🙂
    However, doing or being something exceptional requires exceptional talent, or exceptionally hard work, but almost always a good measure of both. So when people have children and actually take care of them, and I don’t mean leave them with a nanny and go to work for 14 hours to come back to say “good night” – that does take a lot of time from trying to be exceptional, and kills or defers any chance of being truly exceptional. So when Amy says women (or men) can’t be exceptional if they stay at home with children, I pretty much agree. Of course, you could call being a good mom and a successful career exceptional – but it’s still just being non-exceptionally good at two different things. I’m also good at several different things, but that doesn’t make me exceptional.

    My problem with Amy Glass is different. (Or maybe it’s not with her, I haven’t decided yet). Why is it absolutely necessary to be exceptional? We can’t all be exceptional, because the whole point of being exceptional is being something very few others can be. Why are we not ok with being just average? Or, more realistically, with being above average in whatever we choose to specialize, and with trying to improve if we can, while knowing with near certainty that we WON’T EVER BE exceptional? Why can’t we be happy with what we have?

    So when she says “if you have children you won’t be exceptional”, I say, “Yeah, soooo???”

    Sorry for the long comment. But, on the other hand, this means I’ll be too tired to write anonymous hate e-mails to you. Besides, seeing that Amy got 12,000 comments tells me that I need to step up my game on PMAO’s record-breaking commentfest.

    • 

      What?? No anonymous hate mail?
      How will my therapist continue to build that wing on her beach house?

      Somehow, I don’t think you were at all involved in that debacle, X.

      But you bring up a great point. Maybe average IS okay.

      The problem is, I don’t want exceptional. I want BETTER than exceptional.

      It’s a disease, I think. I’m very hard on myself, and I totally bought into everything Amy Glass had to say about me.

      I will never sleep again.

      • 

        Average is Ok. Above average in something specific is perfectly ok and totally doable. But, unfortunately, better than exceptional is still exceptional. It’s like trying to add something to infinity – you just can’t get beyond infinity, no matter what Toy Story wants us to think.
        If you really insist, I could probably write some hate mail just for you, but I really think you could use a beach house more than your therapist. Even if it’s just an average beach house 🙂

  24. 

    One more comment… (I hope I’m not making too many 😉 )

    I caught wind of this article from another blogger’s reblog. For some odd reason, the reblog link was broken, so it’s only now that I was able to see what the fuss was all about.

    I shall have to ask my baby sister about this. She is so sweet, but she’s a zealot (and she agrees with that assessment). She’s a feminist (of the first-wave variety, I believe), but she’s totally a mommy blogger. Blogs about the crafts she does with my niece, reviews restaurants on kid-friendliness… all that stuff. Explained to me how mommy bloggers link up, which is something I know zilch about– it’s not anything like I’ve seen on WordPress (she’s on Blogger).

  25. 

    1. Funny.
    2. Smart and thought-provoking.
    3. Edgy.
    4. Learned more about you.
    5. You sang Barney songs by yourself.

    Loved this post. There is a lot to chew on here.

    Your main takeaway, I wholeheartedly concur with: We can’t have it all.

    • 

      “Mr Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me..

      That music will be waiting for me if I’m unlucky enough to land in Hell.

      This was the “shit storm” I was referring to when I replied to your other blog comment. This was…edgy. Yes.

      Got everyone thinking. That’s kind of the point.

      Thanks for reading, Matt.

  26. 

    Darling Samara, what can I say? Every time I see you’ve posted something new I get all wibbly wobbly in the knees because I just can’t wait to see what you’ve cooked up in that diamond-sharp mind. I wanted to post a comment earlier but just figured out how to login (!!!) and leave a comment. “I was told there would be no math.” What I’m really trying to say is that THIS is a pitch perfect response to the Glass rant. Thanks for so eloquently saying what so many of us already know. Meantime, I’ll keep my eyes turned skyward, cheering on your intergalactic orbit, warmed and enlightened by your brilliant, sparkly streaks of humor, truth, heart and soul.

  27. 

    I so agree with you Samara! I don’t know why people felt the need to write so many hateful things to her either because most of them sounded idiotic. Regardless of what she said, she’s entitled to her opinion. Sure, she put it out there for a response, but who cares? It doesn’t solve anything. It just continues to draw the line between women and once again, another way of dividing us. If we could ever learn to support one another, then we could make a difference.

    • 

      Oh my God- that’s brilliant-
      The last thing we women need is someone dividing a line between us.

      Thank you for reading, and commenting. I appreciate it so much!

  28. 

    Obviously, Ms. Glass has only ever talked with rich or middleclass SAHMs. I stay home all day. My kids have never been in daycare. Granted, like you said, I’m not “exceptional” but wait… Maybe I am. Just the fact that I’m able to get up in the morning and take care of my kids is, to me, exceptional.

    • 

      I want to apologize for the way this response came out.
      Also, I’m sorry I haven’t been by lately. I’ve just had a very triggering week. I spent the past week working myself up to and actually writing the post where I tell the full story about me and Mr. X. I plan to publish it on Saturday. In the meantime, I’m having to climb out of the hole I’ve flung myself into as a result.

    • 

      Cimmy- I think you’re exceptional.

  29. 

    I think that we just don’t like to be reminded of what we have up. Tons of career moms work because it is a necessity. If we spend our lives doing something we hate so that we can have prettier shoes, it’s certainly more boring than doing so to make a healthy human adult. Also, yes, anyone can make a baby and anyone can get married. But anyone can also paint a picture, though some don’t put forth enough effort for it to be of quality.
    “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.  From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.  One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn’t quite make out.  I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn’t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose.  I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”  ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar, Chapter 7

    • 

      You just made me cry. And I don’t even know you.
      My figs are wrinkling and going black. I’m not quite giving myself to any of my choices, and they’re rotting.

      Fucking Sylvia Plath. She kills me. Every time.

      • 

        I have a fig leaf tattoo with a June bug, which was my daughter’s nick name. She passed away as a young child, and I just try to remember that all of these things we lose are blessings, because we only have so much space in our lives and now we can pluck another fig.
        Did you know that many young retirees feel bored and stagnant? It’s a blessing that you still crave more, Samara. There is still so much life left for us both, and it’s all so silly- make a brand new person, have hot chocolate, learn to speak Italian, do your first push-up. We are so very, very blessed. Let’s look at what we’ve plucked instead of what Amy plucked. She doesn’t have a clue how very similar she is to we little people.

      • 

        Do you have a blog?

      • 

        I don’t. In theory, it would be lovely. In practice, it’s just not what I put first. Nowhere near the top, even. I can’t subscribe, but I do have your blog saved to my reading list.

      • 

        Will you visit again? I know it’s selfish, but I find your words comforting.

      • 

        I visit often. Can I email? I don’t want to intrude, but that’s just so much more personal to me.

  30. 

    Or do you mean visit in comments? I can absolutely do so.

  31. 

    Think I agree with many comments above. Exceptional (or even extraordinary) is what you define it as. Definitions will vary and mileage figures too. My wife takes care of three kids. I work like a dog. She could do my job. I couldn’t likely do hers. Nothing to me, not blogging, not writing, not anything, is as important as raising my kids. If that’s too ordinary for these Amy Glasses (there Amy, I gave you attention, now go away), that’s too bad. I’m just not exulted by working at a job or by being this and that level, the only reason I do it is for the ego stroke and the money. Life’s too good to be stuck on that kind of prize. Good post, Samara.

    • 

      Just wanted to get a little conversation going.
      I love getting everyone’s take on this. And there’s nothing better than an appreciative husband.
      A lot of men think they are; they have the blog market cornered on how to be the right kind of husband-
      And they’re so full of shit I could vomit.

      I can tell just by the way you and certain other married bloggers act who really appreciates how much their wives do. It’s a feeling I get, and I’m usually right about this stuff.

  32. 
    dorkmasterfunk2013 February 1, 2014 at 7:30 am

    Good Morning Samara, about my blog. I have 2 in my word document folder and 1 I’m doing a final edit on. I am panicked like hell to publish any of them. I don’t write the way most bloggers do. I write like I’m in high school. at least thats the way I see it. But eff everyone, I have to write for me. Right? As soon as I get the guts to publish I will like it on a comment on one of your blogs.
    Peace

    • 

      Please just put it out there!

      I don’t always check the comments when I post, so I’m going to see if there’s a way I can hit “follow” – do you have it set up so people can follow?

  33. 

    Wow. Almost not even sure what to say to this one. I don’t think anyone gets to corner the market on defining what is or isn’t “exceptional.” I think that’s what pissed me off most about her stance– and not in an “everyone gets a trophy” sort of way but that life and what makes it valuable is not something that can be uniformly applied to every single person like a cookie cutter. I think she just wants to be Miley Cyrus, and that makes me embarrassed for her.

    PS– Giiiiiiirl I backpacked through Asia! For NINE MONTHS and I didn’t brush my hair one single time. I do promise that I have showered a few times since then though.

    • 

      Hi Aussa girl-
      I was just trying to stir up a ruckus, a la Amy herself-
      I have been known to go almost a whole summer without showering – I believe it was the summer of 1994…

      Next time you go backpacking, can I come? Can I bring Purell? I’m a germaphobe.

  34. 

    Thank you for posting the link to my blog!

Trackbacks and Pingbacks:

  1. The argument for SAHMs, and against Amy Glass | Wine Country Mom - January 29, 2014

    […] I Agree With Amy Glass and I’m Not Sorry […]

  2. Group Therapy: January « HACKER. NINJA. HOOKER. SPY. - January 30, 2014

    […] “If you ever hear a baby crying on a plane, just know the parents were too self righteous to drug their kid.” Samara […]

  3. PLEASE UNFOLLOW ME « A Buick in the Land of Lexus - February 1, 2014

    […] the Amy Glass post – a post that I worked very hard on – a thought provoking, important post (I […]

When I see the orange light, I have a BLOGASM...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s