I Can’t Tell

January 21, 2014 — 58 Comments

blood and roses

My son looks just like his father.
Except, we have the same coloring.
We’re very fair skinned. I love how he gets tanned in the summer.
From playing outside all day, like a kid ought to.

 

When I used to nurse him, hold him to me, rock slowly back and forth,
my husband would watch me and say,
“I can’t tell where you leave off and he begins.”

 

That’s the problem with falling in love with everybody all the time.
I can’t tell – where you leave off and I begin.

 

This was on a mix tape a friend made me.
My favorite song from 2013.

 

A standard 4-chord progression, E, B, C#m, A
The quiet sense of majesty;

dreamy synthesizers intertwining with the live, orchestral instruments;
atmospheric light string loops, delayed bass;
now percussion and string on reverb;
violin solo – double stops;

to create the most gorgeous soundscape.

Its simplicity is only an illusion.

 

This might be the first and only love song only written.

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58 responses to I Can’t Tell

  1. 

    πŸ™‚ Absolutely beautiful.

  2. 

    Where do we begin, boundaries are not bound by the bond of skin to skin…

    Thoughts build ebb & flow form defuse re-form & reform as I think over your words and the spaces between…

    I like it, I like it a lot. Thank you.

    And, the music too. Music as you say = life

    The lyrics put me in mind of a poem by Edmund Spenser called ‘My Love is Like to Ice’ If you haven’t come across it, give it a go?

    Keep misting the mirror

  3. 

    Beautiful words, S.

    • 

      Give the song a listen. It’s gorgeous.

      • 

        It is. I try to avoid any kind of love song right now because they just piss me off again, but I am glad I listened to that one.

      • 

        Why do they piss you off? I’m behind on my blog reading – are you in heartbreak land, love?

      • 

        Still recovering. Much better than I was but some things still drudge up thoughts and memories I would be better off forgetting.

      • 

        We need to email.

        I am recovering. From loving everyone,all the time.

        I can’t even work without falling in love with my students. When they experience crushing blows, I die.

      • 

        I am the same way, but learned a long time ago to shield myself from that because it always ended in rejection. I let my guard down and got more of the same.

        There has to be a middle ground between feeling too much and not enough, but I don’t know where to find it.

        I think you have my email through these comments…feel free to write. I am pretty much online all the time, ha ha.

      • 

        In the song, he says he will not allow himself to ever feel this way again. Because it disfigured him. The lyrics are considered to be some of the most intense love and lost lyrics ever written.

        Maybe not a good listen for you at the moment.

      • 

        No, I did listen to it. Cried a little, but that was OK. It’s the other pop love songs I can’t stand. This one was beautiful. I will just wait a little while before I download it πŸ™‚

  4. 

    Samara, since I read this this morning Song for Zula has been on repeat. Hauntingly beautiful, as are your words.

  5. 

    S, that is a beautiful song, I’d never heard of it before. I wasn’t watching the video, but then looked up and saw what it was about. I was a little bit taken aback, honestly, as it reminded me of something I’d written once, almost to a tee. Check it out if you get a chance and tell if there could be a better soundtrack for this story: http://trentlewin.com/2013/07/15/cavegirl/

    And because you gave me a song (I downloaded it instantly – I am always looking for new music), I’m exchanging one with you. This is Bat for Lashes, I never know if people know of her or not, but I think she is brilliant, and this song resonates right now:

    • 

      Oh my God, Trent. I just read it.

      “We draw together because we are people, even if we fail to be human; and that is what I tell him as I touch his cheeks and he smiles the impossibility of who I am to him now, who I will forevermore be no matter what happens after this night.”

      Trent, I want to learn to write fiction like that. There must be a way.

      And I didn’t see it her as a troglodyte; but as a present day unwanted. Or something. I’m not sure yet. I have to read it again. And again.

      The song was beautiful; I hadn’t heard of it.

  6. 

    Rock is normally my musical go-to, but I actually kinda liked this song. Now I’m drowning in existential thoughts and wondering what the fuck I need to do. Sigh…I need a drink.

  7. 

    Great tune. Love the Johnny Cash start, then the spin into something completely different.
    The minor gives it depth, but the contrast of the major chords make it hopeful.

    Sometimes that intertwining sucks. But not always.

    (I misread the second line first as “Except, we have the same clothing”.)
    (So that was a little weird.)

    • 

      Damn, Guap, you know your music. Total Johnny start.

      Music is life. Do you do this Stub thing every Tuesday? I’m so looking forward to a peek into your musical tastes.

      • 

        nah. The only regular post is the Friday Foolishness. I do ticket stub bin every so often, whenever it occurs to me.

        My blog is a collection of random “wtf”. Oh, and silly adventure! Much like me, I suppose πŸ˜‰

  8. 

    Love… it is easy to get carried away…

  9. 

    ‘I can’t tell – where you leave off and I begin.’ This is a call for peace and I accept the challenge. Thanks for sharing!

  10. 

    I’ll have to give this a listen when I drag myself back to the office…

  11. 

    Ah, love, and music, and musical love. And everything is golden. And everything is good. And everything is as it should be.
    keep on loving, it is never a bad thing.

    • 

      You’re so sweet.

      And Little Dude is hard at work, posting AGAINST me, for team DC!

      An outrage! But we’re snowed in, and it has kept him busy all day.

      And he loved your post about the Little Prince- oh, did we forgot to comment? We read it three times! And laughed like…roosters!

      • 

        Roosters do have the best laughs. I’m glad he (and you) enjoyed it. πŸ˜€

        Enh, a little family rivalry is good for the circulation, especially when snowed in. But, I know it can be tough, especially when the disagreement is over such a weighty issue.

  12. 

    Beautiful words Samara, and I loved the song, too. My daughter also looks just like her father and it’s sort of freaky how much of him I see in her, and how much that bothers me now. Boo.

  13. 

    What amazing imagery, Samara! Its obvious you love your son, but this brilliant piece shares that love in words that paint the most amazing picture of it I’ve ever read. Great job!

  14. 

    Sigh. Goosebumps Samara. Absolute perfection. xx

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